A manipulative and controlling person has a desperate need to be superior at all cost. It is far more important to win in a discussion that even truth is with the manipulator. With the superficial manipulative person, being superior takes center stage over anyone and anything else.
It is impossible to have love or empathy for anyone unless it provides an elevating element to their existence, pretense will not change our soul, we must ask God to change our soul, that our empathy and love are Him working in us and not fleshly.
The insecurity within the soul that motivates people to be intolerant of questioning or correction, is so deeply entrenched, that dying would be preferable to being seen as wrong.
God's principles, His commands and His people are seen as a means to an end rather than something to love, follow and enjoy by the self-important individuals. Those who have justified an argumentative attitude to elevate self, forget that what they do is prideful and condemned by God, they will not progress in their growth, very likely they will continue to regress until they confess and ask Christ for cleansing.
Humble people may slip up once in awhile, when they argue a little too long or become agitated by disagreement, however they will not do it often, it feels ugly to them, they will not make a habit of it.
The manipulative controlling person will be seen operating in the vein of hostile contention on a regular basis, but they won't stop there, they tend to be vindictive, exacting revenge in many forms toward anyone who will not give in to their tactics or who refrain from elevating them as the authority for all things.
Proverbs 26:21 "Like charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, So is a contentious man to kindle strife."
Those who place God as the final authority in all things are hated by the manipulative person, their greatest fear is not being honored by someone or worse being lumped into the world as no different from anyone else.
Romans 12:10 "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor;"
Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;"
God makes it clear that all men have fallen short of the glory of God, all men cannot be what they should be and all men have wrong and sinful thinking. Even after we are born again we still struggle with the flesh, although as we submit to Christ, allowing Him to deeply wound our willful soul, we will be growing in holiness.
The closer we walk with the Lord the less we have a need to be seen as perfect or right, in fact our inner soul desires discussion to share what we know as well as learn what others have to share.
Self righteous people tend to have favorites and heroes. They must identify themselves with those who are better than others.
James 2:9 "But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors."
When we meet someone who want only to be superior, not giving a hoot about whether they really actually do have wisdom, we have met a rebellious heart who has bought into Satan's lie, "you can be like God."
A humble man or woman will be able to easily say "I was wrong" or "what do you think?", a prideful man or woman cannot do this, the words "sorry" or "I'm wrong", stick in their throat like gum on a shoe, it is unthinkable to have to humble themselves.
When we share as brothers and sisters in Christ, there is no need to bludgeon or subdue our Christian family members. We are to love the brethren deeply, desiring that everyone grow, never sensing a need to be superior to anyone. If we battle with this, then we should get on our knees to ask the Lord to remove the pride, not getting up until we have been broken over it.
Hebrews 13:1 "Let love of the brethren continue."
1 John 3:14 "We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love abides in death."
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