Down through the years I have experienced the loss of friends in various ways. Some of my friends moved into a philosophy of life that didn't share my values, others physically moved away or I moved physically away.
Some friends got angry over something, when I asked to discuss the matter, they declined and ended the friendship, if I had been guilty of something I needed to correct, I wouldn't have known what it was because they would not share what made them angry.
There have also been friends that I had to drift apart from because there wasn't a kindred spirit, we were not interested in the same things in life, didn't view life in the same way bringing conflict or hurt feelings to the association. Some of these friendships ended because of gossip, desiring to hold me in contempt on the basis of what they had heard, they made the choice to believe what they heard rather than come to me to find out the whole matter.
When we read the story of David and Jonathan in the Bible, we might think that everyone gets to have a close friendship like that one. They were buddies who deeply loved one another, even sacrificing for the other.
1 Samuel 18:1-4 "18 David finished talking to Saul. After that, Jonathan became David’s closest friend. He loved David as much as he loved himself. 2 (From that day on Saul kept David as his servant and didn’t let him go back to his family.) 3 So Jonathan made a pledge of mutual loyalty with David because he loved him as much as he loved himself. 4 Jonathan took off the coat he had on and gave it to David along with his battle tunic, his sword, his bow, and his belt."
When we read this story we might be tempted to feel a sense of loss because we don't have a relationship with anyone like that. We have to remember that this particular relationship was unique, that very few people have one like this. It is normal in life to have a few superficial friends but rare to find one as deeply loving as that of David and Jonathan.
Especially in these last days of apostasy, it will be harder than ever to trust anyone, because superficiality, self esteem and personal pleasure dominate the thinking of most people. Friendships on this basis cannot last, they dissolve eventually because when self is on the throne, no one else matters, these friendships are not sustainable.
A deep and loving relationship requires sacrifice, empathy and concern for someone other than ourselves. The 2 Timothy 3 description of the attitudes of the last days, indicate the difficulty in finding a loving person who can be trusted with our deepest concerns, problems, joys and accomplishments. Most people today cannot be bothered with anyone that doesn't personally elevate them, while feeling contempt for anyone who corrects or challenges them. Even when we have done something well, the selfish ones become jealous attempting to sabotage our joy through covert meanness.
A true godly friend will have the freedom to challenge us without fear of being demeaned. A godly friend does not desire vengeance against someone who has challenged or corrected them, rather they are appreciative for the input of their friend, considering the advice even desiring to hear it, when there is a disagreement. A godly friend loves to hear about our victories and talents, they are as happy about our accomplishments as they would be about their own.
Wise people understand that we all have blind sides, a good friend can help us see what we could not see by ourselves or about ourselves. Some people have more discernment than others. Some people have been through more experiences than we have and can add information to a situation that we had not thought of. A humble wise friend shares to help, not to demean as well as working encourage when we have done well. They don't indulge in flattery, they genuinely share encouragement admitting when we did well and redirecting us when we are veering off the path.
People do not grow wise all by themselves, they grow in wisdom by first reading the Word, seeking God in prayer and listening to the direction of those who have had a proven life of obedience to the Lord, even with all their failings, they have learned things through those failings that we do not know because they were not a part of our life experience.
I grieve at times these days over the younger folks who think they know everything, they cannot grow spiritually, emotionally or in holiness because they dig their heels in whenever someone shows them something different from what they want to believe. An elevated view of ones self causes this malady of self importance, preventing growth in wisdom.
If you have ever met anyone who seems to have stagnated at the level of a 12 year old when their real age is 45, you have experienced a self absorbed one who never learned because rebellion and arrogance was bound up in their heart all those years.
God tells us that rebellion is as devastating as the sin of witchcraft, it goes back to the original arrogance and rebellion of Lucifer in heaven when he thought he could be as powerful as God.
The solution is in the Word of God:
1 Samuel 15:23 ""For rebellion is as the sin of divination, And insubordination is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, He has also rejected you from being king."
Isaiah 26:10 "Though the wicked is shown favor, He does not learn righteousness; He deals unjustly in the land of uprightness, And does not perceive the majesty of the LORD."
Proverbs 9:9 "Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning."
Psalm 27
"27 The Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold[a] of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When evildoers assail me
to eat up my flesh,
my adversaries and foes,
it is they who stumble and fall.
3 Though an army encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear;
though war arise against me,
yet[b] I will be confident.
4 One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to inquire[c] in his temple.
5 For he will hide me in his shelter
in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
he will lift me high upon a rock.
6 And now my head shall be lifted up
above my enemies all around me,
and I will offer in his tent
sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make melody to the Lord.
7 Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud;
be gracious to me and answer me!
8 You have said, “Seek[d] my face.”
My heart says to you,
“Your face, Lord, do I seek.”[e]
9 Hide not your face from me.
Turn not your servant away in anger,
O you who have been my help.
Cast me not off; forsake me not,
O God of my salvation!
10 For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
but the Lord will take me in.
11 Teach me your way, O Lord,
and lead me on a level path
because of my enemies.
12 Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
for false witnesses have risen against me,
and they breathe out violence.
13 I believe[f] that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living!
14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!"
Some friends got angry over something, when I asked to discuss the matter, they declined and ended the friendship, if I had been guilty of something I needed to correct, I wouldn't have known what it was because they would not share what made them angry.
There have also been friends that I had to drift apart from because there wasn't a kindred spirit, we were not interested in the same things in life, didn't view life in the same way bringing conflict or hurt feelings to the association. Some of these friendships ended because of gossip, desiring to hold me in contempt on the basis of what they had heard, they made the choice to believe what they heard rather than come to me to find out the whole matter.
When we read the story of David and Jonathan in the Bible, we might think that everyone gets to have a close friendship like that one. They were buddies who deeply loved one another, even sacrificing for the other.
1 Samuel 18:1-4 "18 David finished talking to Saul. After that, Jonathan became David’s closest friend. He loved David as much as he loved himself. 2 (From that day on Saul kept David as his servant and didn’t let him go back to his family.) 3 So Jonathan made a pledge of mutual loyalty with David because he loved him as much as he loved himself. 4 Jonathan took off the coat he had on and gave it to David along with his battle tunic, his sword, his bow, and his belt."
When we read this story we might be tempted to feel a sense of loss because we don't have a relationship with anyone like that. We have to remember that this particular relationship was unique, that very few people have one like this. It is normal in life to have a few superficial friends but rare to find one as deeply loving as that of David and Jonathan.
Especially in these last days of apostasy, it will be harder than ever to trust anyone, because superficiality, self esteem and personal pleasure dominate the thinking of most people. Friendships on this basis cannot last, they dissolve eventually because when self is on the throne, no one else matters, these friendships are not sustainable.
A deep and loving relationship requires sacrifice, empathy and concern for someone other than ourselves. The 2 Timothy 3 description of the attitudes of the last days, indicate the difficulty in finding a loving person who can be trusted with our deepest concerns, problems, joys and accomplishments. Most people today cannot be bothered with anyone that doesn't personally elevate them, while feeling contempt for anyone who corrects or challenges them. Even when we have done something well, the selfish ones become jealous attempting to sabotage our joy through covert meanness.
A true godly friend will have the freedom to challenge us without fear of being demeaned. A godly friend does not desire vengeance against someone who has challenged or corrected them, rather they are appreciative for the input of their friend, considering the advice even desiring to hear it, when there is a disagreement. A godly friend loves to hear about our victories and talents, they are as happy about our accomplishments as they would be about their own.
Wise people understand that we all have blind sides, a good friend can help us see what we could not see by ourselves or about ourselves. Some people have more discernment than others. Some people have been through more experiences than we have and can add information to a situation that we had not thought of. A humble wise friend shares to help, not to demean as well as working encourage when we have done well. They don't indulge in flattery, they genuinely share encouragement admitting when we did well and redirecting us when we are veering off the path.
People do not grow wise all by themselves, they grow in wisdom by first reading the Word, seeking God in prayer and listening to the direction of those who have had a proven life of obedience to the Lord, even with all their failings, they have learned things through those failings that we do not know because they were not a part of our life experience.
I grieve at times these days over the younger folks who think they know everything, they cannot grow spiritually, emotionally or in holiness because they dig their heels in whenever someone shows them something different from what they want to believe. An elevated view of ones self causes this malady of self importance, preventing growth in wisdom.
If you have ever met anyone who seems to have stagnated at the level of a 12 year old when their real age is 45, you have experienced a self absorbed one who never learned because rebellion and arrogance was bound up in their heart all those years.
God tells us that rebellion is as devastating as the sin of witchcraft, it goes back to the original arrogance and rebellion of Lucifer in heaven when he thought he could be as powerful as God.
The solution is in the Word of God:
1 Samuel 15:23 ""For rebellion is as the sin of divination, And insubordination is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, He has also rejected you from being king."
Isaiah 26:10 "Though the wicked is shown favor, He does not learn righteousness; He deals unjustly in the land of uprightness, And does not perceive the majesty of the LORD."
Proverbs 9:9 "Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning."
Psalm 27
"27 The Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold[a] of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When evildoers assail me
to eat up my flesh,
my adversaries and foes,
it is they who stumble and fall.
3 Though an army encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear;
though war arise against me,
yet[b] I will be confident.
4 One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to inquire[c] in his temple.
5 For he will hide me in his shelter
in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
he will lift me high upon a rock.
6 And now my head shall be lifted up
above my enemies all around me,
and I will offer in his tent
sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make melody to the Lord.
7 Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud;
be gracious to me and answer me!
8 You have said, “Seek[d] my face.”
My heart says to you,
“Your face, Lord, do I seek.”[e]
9 Hide not your face from me.
Turn not your servant away in anger,
O you who have been my help.
Cast me not off; forsake me not,
O God of my salvation!
10 For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
but the Lord will take me in.
11 Teach me your way, O Lord,
and lead me on a level path
because of my enemies.
12 Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
for false witnesses have risen against me,
and they breathe out violence.
13 I believe[f] that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living!
14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!"
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