Friday, March 2, 2018
Proverbs 29
1 He, that being often reproved hardeneth his neck, shall suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy.
2 When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice: but when the wicked beareth rule, the people mourn.
3 Whoso loveth wisdom rejoiceth his father: but he that keepeth company with harlots spendeth his substance.
4 The king by judgment establisheth the land: but he that receiveth gifts overthroweth it.
5 A man that flattereth his neighbour spreadeth a net for his feet.
6 In the transgression of an evil man there is a snare: but the righteous doth sing and rejoice.
7 The righteous considereth the cause of the poor: but the wicked regardeth not to know it.
8 Scornful men bring a city into a snare: but wise men turn away wrath.
9 If a wise man contendeth with a foolish man, whether he rage or laugh, there is no rest.
10 The bloodthirsty hate the upright: but the just seek his soul.
11 A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.
12 If a ruler hearken to lies, all his servants are wicked.
13 The poor and the deceitful man meet together: the Lord lighteneth both their eyes.
14 The king that faithfully judgeth the poor, his throne shall be established for ever.
15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
16 When the wicked are multiplied, transgression increaseth: but the righteous shall see their fall.
17 Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.
18 Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.
19 A servant will not be corrected by words: for though he understand he will not answer.
20 Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.
21 He that delicately bringeth up his servant from a child shall have him become his son at the length.
22 An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.
23 A man's pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit.
24 Whoso is partner with a thief hateth his own soul: he heareth cursing, and bewrayeth it not.
25 The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe.
26 Many seek the ruler's favour; but every man's judgment cometh from the Lord.
27 An unjust man is an abomination to the just: and he that is upright in the way is abomination to the wicked.
The Truth Tellers are under Attack
Scapegoats are the truth tellers, they are those who hate secrets, lies and gossip.
The narcissist will accuse the scapegoats of the very things the narcissists are doing but the scapegoat is not.
The narcissist hates the scapegoat because the scapegoat is the one who exposes the lies and tactics of the narcissist. The narcissist relies on secrecy to be able to pull off their false persona.
These problems are increasing because the devil is working harder than ever in these last days before he goes into the lake of fire.
The narcissist will accuse the scapegoats of the very things the narcissists are doing but the scapegoat is not.
The narcissist hates the scapegoat because the scapegoat is the one who exposes the lies and tactics of the narcissist. The narcissist relies on secrecy to be able to pull off their false persona.
These problems are increasing because the devil is working harder than ever in these last days before he goes into the lake of fire.
Boot Camp for Scapegoats
If you have been the family scapegoat all your life, passed from one generation to another, then you know all about what it is to be misunderstood deliberately from those who have a need to be considered superior.
Yes, it is not the scapegoat that is as abnormally bad as the narcissistic family members would like us to believe. The narcissistic family dynamic is evidence that the narcissist cannot survive spiritually or emotionally without their dysfunctional support system.
The narcissist is very weak, they must have others to validate them to feel significant and whole. One way they do this is to have a scapegoat in the family that they serially mob with put downs, mocking and intimidation.
The narcissist is easily identified, they are the ones who criticize every single thing you do, literally all the time. If you bring a casserole to the family potluck the narcissist might say something like: "why did you bring that." Rather than thanking you for participating they will find a reason you should have brought something else.
Even your good acts are mocked, demeaned and gossiped about as bad, if you are the scapegoat in the family.
I remember a case in which a woman went to see her aging mother. This woman wanted to bless her mother through time with her and showing her something she had never seen before. The scapegoat woman of the family suggested her mother take a look at the new laptop computer that she purchased. The elderly mother had never seen a home computer let alone one that could be carried out of the house. The response of the narcissistic mother to the scapegoat daughter was, "no I'm not interested in that." Then a few weeks later the golden child of the narcissistic mother bragged to the scapegoat daughter that the golden child son came to visit and what fun they had looking at his laptop.
You see, when someone has been identified as the family scapegoat, even their kind acts to bless will be turned down. The narcissist does not want to bless the scapegoat with validation by accepting kindness from them.
The narcissistic mother of the scapegoat will buy a birthday gift and then tell the scapegoat daughter how she must use the gift. There is never any peace and every kind act from the narcissist has strings attached.
When this woman grew up, over the years she began to realize how irrational the contempt and gossip was, learning over time that these tactics that had been used against her all her life, were not really because she was defective as the family wanted her to believe, in fact just the opposite was true.
The narcissist in her family were demeaning and mocking her to elevate self. Without praise and a sense of superiority of others the narcissist wilts and shrivels inside. They must have this sense of higher rank than the scapegoat in order to feel whole.
On the other hand the scapegoat, having been shamed and demeaned all her life can live without the continual praise and superiority. For the healed scapegoat there is a sense of total freedom from the dictates of others, total freedom to be authentic. The burden of impressing others is not there as it is with the narcissist who dries up inside without the approval of others.
If you have been a family scapegoat, things don't make any sense, no matter what you do you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. The purpose has been all along to shame you into elevating the narcissist. Anyone who dares to be authentic and secure within themselves must be put in her place by the narcissists.
When the narcissist cannot dominate and influence through shaming their target, that is when they move to turn others against the scapegoat, abuse by proxy.
We may think this is a new thing, but it is not, Christ and the apostles experienced these very tactics by those who hated truth. Don't think you are going to escape the same treatment. The closer we are to Christ, the more we speak the truth, the more we will be hated by those who have contempt for the truth and for the security we feel in our souls.
When we understand these things, the more we realize, the less affected by these people we become. We are getting stronger all the time while the narcissist is getting weaker. They do not improve with age, they become worse and more resilient to improvement.
When I have to be with some of these people I like to observe as though watching a movie, rather than take seriously anything that is happening, I watch and note the traits that I am seeing. Mostly I avoid them now, but when I can't I see it as a time of teaching and growing.
Proverbs 18:2-3 "Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions. Doing wrong leads to disgrace, and scandalous behavior brings contempt."
Proverbs 1:5-7 "Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. Let those with understanding receive guidance by exploring the meaning in these proverbs and parables, the words of the wise and their riddles. Fear of the LORD is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline."
Yes, the narcissists are fools according to the Word of God. Their mentality is the same as that of the devil who wanted to be powerful over God. If the narcissist does not repent, and most of the time they will not, then their fate is the same as that of the fool. The narcissist has contempt in their heart for their targets, that contempt will be their undoing one day, if not right now.
Proverbs 10:18-19 "He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool. In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise."
Proverbs 12:22-23 "Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight. A prudent man concealeth knowledge: but the heart of fools proclaimeth foolishness."
Let's see every negative encounter with the narcissist as an opportunity to become even stronger, putting into practice the principles of God as we deal with them. This will require that we know our Bibles. So scapegoats, get busy reading the Word of God and seeking the Holy Spirit to be strengthened. We are in boot camp, let's make it count for eternity.
Yes, it is not the scapegoat that is as abnormally bad as the narcissistic family members would like us to believe. The narcissistic family dynamic is evidence that the narcissist cannot survive spiritually or emotionally without their dysfunctional support system.
The narcissist is very weak, they must have others to validate them to feel significant and whole. One way they do this is to have a scapegoat in the family that they serially mob with put downs, mocking and intimidation.
The narcissist is easily identified, they are the ones who criticize every single thing you do, literally all the time. If you bring a casserole to the family potluck the narcissist might say something like: "why did you bring that." Rather than thanking you for participating they will find a reason you should have brought something else.
Even your good acts are mocked, demeaned and gossiped about as bad, if you are the scapegoat in the family.
I remember a case in which a woman went to see her aging mother. This woman wanted to bless her mother through time with her and showing her something she had never seen before. The scapegoat woman of the family suggested her mother take a look at the new laptop computer that she purchased. The elderly mother had never seen a home computer let alone one that could be carried out of the house. The response of the narcissistic mother to the scapegoat daughter was, "no I'm not interested in that." Then a few weeks later the golden child of the narcissistic mother bragged to the scapegoat daughter that the golden child son came to visit and what fun they had looking at his laptop.
You see, when someone has been identified as the family scapegoat, even their kind acts to bless will be turned down. The narcissist does not want to bless the scapegoat with validation by accepting kindness from them.
The narcissistic mother of the scapegoat will buy a birthday gift and then tell the scapegoat daughter how she must use the gift. There is never any peace and every kind act from the narcissist has strings attached.
When this woman grew up, over the years she began to realize how irrational the contempt and gossip was, learning over time that these tactics that had been used against her all her life, were not really because she was defective as the family wanted her to believe, in fact just the opposite was true.
The narcissist in her family were demeaning and mocking her to elevate self. Without praise and a sense of superiority of others the narcissist wilts and shrivels inside. They must have this sense of higher rank than the scapegoat in order to feel whole.
On the other hand the scapegoat, having been shamed and demeaned all her life can live without the continual praise and superiority. For the healed scapegoat there is a sense of total freedom from the dictates of others, total freedom to be authentic. The burden of impressing others is not there as it is with the narcissist who dries up inside without the approval of others.
If you have been a family scapegoat, things don't make any sense, no matter what you do you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. The purpose has been all along to shame you into elevating the narcissist. Anyone who dares to be authentic and secure within themselves must be put in her place by the narcissists.
When the narcissist cannot dominate and influence through shaming their target, that is when they move to turn others against the scapegoat, abuse by proxy.
We may think this is a new thing, but it is not, Christ and the apostles experienced these very tactics by those who hated truth. Don't think you are going to escape the same treatment. The closer we are to Christ, the more we speak the truth, the more we will be hated by those who have contempt for the truth and for the security we feel in our souls.
When we understand these things, the more we realize, the less affected by these people we become. We are getting stronger all the time while the narcissist is getting weaker. They do not improve with age, they become worse and more resilient to improvement.
When I have to be with some of these people I like to observe as though watching a movie, rather than take seriously anything that is happening, I watch and note the traits that I am seeing. Mostly I avoid them now, but when I can't I see it as a time of teaching and growing.
Proverbs 18:2-3 "Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions. Doing wrong leads to disgrace, and scandalous behavior brings contempt."
Proverbs 1:5-7 "Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. Let those with understanding receive guidance by exploring the meaning in these proverbs and parables, the words of the wise and their riddles. Fear of the LORD is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline."
Yes, the narcissists are fools according to the Word of God. Their mentality is the same as that of the devil who wanted to be powerful over God. If the narcissist does not repent, and most of the time they will not, then their fate is the same as that of the fool. The narcissist has contempt in their heart for their targets, that contempt will be their undoing one day, if not right now.
Proverbs 10:18-19 "He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool. In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise."
Proverbs 12:22-23 "Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight. A prudent man concealeth knowledge: but the heart of fools proclaimeth foolishness."
Let's see every negative encounter with the narcissist as an opportunity to become even stronger, putting into practice the principles of God as we deal with them. This will require that we know our Bibles. So scapegoats, get busy reading the Word of God and seeking the Holy Spirit to be strengthened. We are in boot camp, let's make it count for eternity.
Favoritism is a Sin
It is a sin to favor one child over another in the family. There are those who use the Scripture to justify this by using the patriarchs examples from God's Word. Some of them showed favoritism toward one child over another, and we see that it caused trouble.
No where in God's Word do we see that God endorsed this form of injustice.
Favoritism causes anger and jealousy, anyone who is indulging in favoritism is promoting the treatment of some of the children better than the other children. The favored child is often haughty and entitled, mocking and demeaning anyone he sees as beneath him. When children are treated as special over the others, the often become abusers themselves.
Some people use favoritism in families to demean one person while elevating others, deliberately to cause hurt to the one who is ignored and mocked.
James 2:8-10 "…8 If you really keep the royal law stated in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. 9 But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. 10 Whoever keeps the whole Law but stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it."
Stop the favoritism, see the strengths in every child and help with the weaknesses in each. No child is without weakness, in fact the "golden" child is often treated as though they can do no wrong, they are indulged creating an attitude of superiority in them.
We are never to build up pride in people, we are to encourage when they do right and discipline when they do wrong, every one of them.
No where in God's Word do we see that God endorsed this form of injustice.
Favoritism causes anger and jealousy, anyone who is indulging in favoritism is promoting the treatment of some of the children better than the other children. The favored child is often haughty and entitled, mocking and demeaning anyone he sees as beneath him. When children are treated as special over the others, the often become abusers themselves.
Some people use favoritism in families to demean one person while elevating others, deliberately to cause hurt to the one who is ignored and mocked.
James 2:8-10 "…8 If you really keep the royal law stated in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. 9 But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. 10 Whoever keeps the whole Law but stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it."
Stop the favoritism, see the strengths in every child and help with the weaknesses in each. No child is without weakness, in fact the "golden" child is often treated as though they can do no wrong, they are indulged creating an attitude of superiority in them.
We are never to build up pride in people, we are to encourage when they do right and discipline when they do wrong, every one of them.
Ask Christ Who Lives in You
There is a frustration we feel with our loved ones who do not know the Lord. We agonize over their resistance to the truth and yet within us is the hope that the Lord will reach them somehow.
When we know that they no longer are listening to us, that they have rejected us because they have rejected Christ, then we must give it to the Lord. He knows what is to be done, the best way to reach them.
What makes us think we are so special that we must be the ones to make them understand. We do not know what God knows, He made them, He knows every nuance of their being.
We can trust Christ to work with those we love and pray for, while we move on to others. Sometimes I think we waste a lot of time with those who have clearly rejected the Lord when there are others we might be able to reach.
The bottom line is this: we must be willing to shake the dust from our feet when someone has made a choice to reject Christ. However, that does not mean that sometime later they will not be softened and learn the way of salvation through someone else.
God knows exactly what they need and their next influences as they move through life. And He knows where we need to be, let's not hinder His work by remaining when we should move on.
Romans 8:28
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
John 14:15
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments."
Luke 6:46
“Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you?"
Romans 6:16
"Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?"
When we know that they no longer are listening to us, that they have rejected us because they have rejected Christ, then we must give it to the Lord. He knows what is to be done, the best way to reach them.
What makes us think we are so special that we must be the ones to make them understand. We do not know what God knows, He made them, He knows every nuance of their being.
We can trust Christ to work with those we love and pray for, while we move on to others. Sometimes I think we waste a lot of time with those who have clearly rejected the Lord when there are others we might be able to reach.
The bottom line is this: we must be willing to shake the dust from our feet when someone has made a choice to reject Christ. However, that does not mean that sometime later they will not be softened and learn the way of salvation through someone else.
God knows exactly what they need and their next influences as they move through life. And He knows where we need to be, let's not hinder His work by remaining when we should move on.
Romans 8:28
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
John 14:15
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments."
Luke 6:46
“Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you?"
Romans 6:16
"Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?"
Trusting Only In Christ
We should never elevate or idolize any preacher no matter who they are, since they are nothing more than imperfect instruments of God. "Let God be true and every man a liar."
We are to evaluate everything and everyone, not to knock them down but to warn others to carefully evaluate all things so that we are not led into error or sin.
When we trust Christ we place no believer above another believer merely because of their position or popularity. Every believer has a job to do and no believer is above evaluation.
Idolatry is forbidden by God, we worship Christ alone.
Psalm 118:8-9
"It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes."
We love and appreciate others as they do their work for the Lord, but no one is so perfect that they cannot be challenged or evaluated, not one person. I am struck with the realization that the lowliest of believers as well as the well known, has much to offer because it is Christ in us and not ourselves that we should be trusting.
Jeremiah 17:5
"Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord."
We are to evaluate everything and everyone, not to knock them down but to warn others to carefully evaluate all things so that we are not led into error or sin.
When we trust Christ we place no believer above another believer merely because of their position or popularity. Every believer has a job to do and no believer is above evaluation.
Idolatry is forbidden by God, we worship Christ alone.
Psalm 118:8-9
"It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes."
We love and appreciate others as they do their work for the Lord, but no one is so perfect that they cannot be challenged or evaluated, not one person. I am struck with the realization that the lowliest of believers as well as the well known, has much to offer because it is Christ in us and not ourselves that we should be trusting.
Jeremiah 17:5
"Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord."
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