Good answers for narcissists who attempt to control you and your choices are taken from a YouTube video: by Tami Joice
"That's not my problem"
"I don't owe you anything"
"No"
"I'm busy or I don't have the time."
"Enough, you have to stop.....now."
"I didn't listen to your voicemail, text or e-mail."
"That's not right."
"Leave me alone now."
Tamie Joyce
My own thoughts on the quotes of Tamie Joyce are as follows.
Mostly when I have encountered mean-spirited narcissists I have remained silent to their rudeness and personal attacks and I do think this is the best way to handle things.
However, sometimes narcissists are so persistent that we have to be more direct while remaining respectful. One way to do this is to merely state a one-sentence response as demonstrated in the quotes above and then walk away.
When the narcissist asks "why" to our one-sentence answers we can simply repeat what we already said and refuse to engage in any more discussion about the matter. They are predictable in their persistent attempts to cause us to say something they can argue with.
Ultimately a narcissist will refuse to accept our "that's not my problem" response and call us uncaring or unloving or other crude and course retorts as well as untrue remarks to intimidate us into responding so that they can escalate a fight. That refuse to allow us to be silent. Do not take the bait, repeat yourself if you feel led or just walk away and refuse to be dragged into an argument.
Proverbs 26:4-5
"4 Do not answer a fool according to his foolishness,
Or you will also be like him.
5 Answer a fool as his foolishness deserves,
So that he will not be wise in his own eyes."
If we answer a fool we are showing our own weakness, lacking in self-control and engaging mistakingly in the insanity and escalation of the insignificant and irrational. I have experienced this myself in past years. I learned not to respond is my power to disengage.
Also to answer a fool shows some pride in ourselves that we must win. We win the best when we are not able to be manipulated by the narcissist's tricks.
Fools love to make others look like fools. If we refuse to engage with their nonsense they are the only ones looking like the fool.
The favored tactic of the devil, and he is the fool behind the fool's thoughts, is to accuse others he cannot control of doing what the devil is doing and we are not.
A fool once accused me of being angry while his face was turning read, his knees and arms were crossed in anger and his voice was that of someone who seemed like he would explode at any moment. I was not angry and calmly discussing my own views on something but he attempted to make it look to others in the room that something was wrong with me or that I had done something to cause his anger.
One thing is for sure, those who are irrationally angry always accuse others of causing their anger. The truth is that this kind of rage and projection comes from someone who is always angry on the inside. They do not develop anger as a response to a disagreement, their anger was in their sitting like a hot flame until it was given an excuse, or at least in their mind it is an excuse to emerge as rage.
Anger from a narcissist is always manipulation to cause dysregulation in the target so that the target has a meltdown. If the target has a meltdown then the narcissist feels justified in accusing them of being the problem. It is diabolical.
How not ot have a melt-down, is to not care what anyone else thinks and to know the truth, this allows us to remain calm all the time.
"Like the word "devil," "diabolical" traces back to Latin "diabolus," which itself descends from Greek "diabolos," a word that literally means "slanderer." In English, "diabolical" has many nuances of meaning. Merriam Webster Dictionary
The devil is a slanderer, his favored tactic is to cause anger for no good reason and then accuse the target of something the target never did. This is why we see so much rudeness, and rebellion against God in the world today, the devil is working and winning. But he can never win over born-again believers. He can, however, influence them into silence to ruin their witness for Christ.
However, God instructs us to refrain from throwing our pearls before swine to be trampled. It is wise to use God's word with those who are open and not with those who will use our words and God's Words as tools distorted to escalate a war.
1 Peter 5:8
"8 Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour."
The devil is spirit, we cannot see him we can only see the effects of his work in the minds of people. Those who are not born-again are pawns in the hands of the devil and his demons. They have no defense against him, but we do and we must not be made to feel ashamed for asserting ourselves against him and those he uses.
There is only one cure for this disease of sin in the heart of narcissists, and that is for them to repent, realize, and admit their sinfulness and desire to be changed by Christ.
As born-again believers, we must not allow those who are controlled by the devil to twist us into pretzels used for his wicked plans.
