If a man is "ruling over his wife" in the marriage situation then he is defying God remaining in the fallen state as described in Genesis.
God never commanded the man to rule over his wife. He was commanded to love, cherish, and protect her. The gifts and talents she has were given to her by God and her husband has the responsibility of protecting her ability to carry out her God-given gifts and talents.
Those who say a man should "rule his wife" are operating in the realm of the fallen state. God never commanded this He merely exposed what Adam and Eve did in the garden when they sinned and what happened to the marriage relationship, what sin caused in the marriage. It is a curse for the man to rule his wife as though she were a subject to be abused.
Those who teach that a man is to control his wife is teaching that the man should act like the fallen man in the Genesis account after God cursed the earth and the relationship.
No Christian man should ever see his wife as a robot to be bossed around merely to show his power over her. This is wicked and the devil loves the relationships that diminish the woman.
The husband needs to mind his own business, focusing more on his role in the marriage at the protector with respect and honor to the wife. If he does his job he will be right with God.
The woman is responsible for minding her own business, developing herself in accordance with Scripture.
I see no Scriptural mandate that the man make sure the woman is doing what God has commanded her. Nor do I see any mandate that the woman make sure her husband is doing what he should be doing in the marrige.
Each of us is to be led by the Holy Spirit to be servants of one another, defer to one another in love, protect one another from outside influences and follow God fully. Each of us has our own gender marching orders and each of us is to decide for ourselves to obey God.
We can motivate people to do what we want through intimidation, mocking, dismissiveness, and other mean-spirited tactics, but even if it works and the person does handstands to obey us it does not mean their heart has been changed.
Christ never told us to force others through mocking, intimidation, gossip, and other cultural standards that are not godly. He left us His Word and that Word, the Holy Spirit lives in us. We obey Him and His Word. If everyone did that there would be no conflicts or demeaning to intimidate into submission others.
Speaking the truth in love is far different from rudely judging without knowing all the facts. It is also far different from emotionally and spiritually bludgeoning someone for not being and doing what we think they should be or do.
2 Timothy 4:1-3 "1 I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of His appearing and His kingdom: 2 Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and encourage with every form of patient instruction. 3 For the time will come when men will not tolerate sound doctrine, but with itching ears they will gather around themselves teachers to suit their own desires."
When we share the truth of the Scriptures with others and they fight and argue back, then is time to walk away and leave them to God.
Pressuring others to follow rules made by man that God never made is a sin. Misusing the Scriptures to make it say what we want it to say to dominate someone is also a sin.
When someone adds to the word of God to oppress others, changes the words of God or uses them out of context they are sinning..
In all the cases where I see "Christians" gossiping and demeaning others they are always engaged in Scripture twisting while refusing to discuss their desired belief to learn the truth.
We are told to stay away from these divisive people, they can ruin relationships because of their stubborn attitude of control over others.
Christian marriages should be different from the fallen state. Husbands and wives are changed when they are born again, changed from the curse of the Law into brand new people who no longer operate as the fallen state of the first couple in the garden. Jesus Christ redeemed them from that state.
The man no longer rules his wife and the wife has no desire to rule her husband. They operate together each one carrying out their God-ordained purpose as described in the New Covenant.
Of course, we live among people who were married as unbelievers and one became born again and the other did not. Then we have the problem of the unsaved spouse not wanting to follow the scriptures, the born-again spouse must follow Christ even if the other does not.
Matthew 10:35-37 "…35 For I have come to turn ‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36 A man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’ 37 Anyone who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me;…"
There will be many men who hate this teaching because it would mean they would have to change their hearts to love their wives as they love their own bodies. Would they oppress themselves? NO, they would nurture themselves.
Ephesians 5:22-33 "22 Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
28 So husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are parts of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
Christ died for the church just as husbands give up their own lives for their wives.
The wife gives up her own life for her husband and submits to him and the husband gives up his own life to submit to her. They are both submitting to one another in the Lord.
Neither the husband or the wife are commanded to obey one another when one of them is promoting sin. They must remain faithful to Christ even if it means enduring the wrath of their spouse.
Acts 5:29 "29 But Peter and the other apostles replied, “We must obey God rather than men."
