Narcissists and Shame

Narcissists don't know how to deal with shame; they are chronic in their insecurity because of the shame they experience.

 
The sad thing is that narcissists never apologize for anything and blame others for the shame they feel, when it was their own mean rude actions and words that brought them shame.

 
If they were to apologize for their mean-spirited ways, the shame would leave them, and they could walk in joy without guilt. As it is, though, they never repent, so they heap shame upon shame upon shame as they go through life, ending up as cranky old people and no real purpose in life except to continually attempt to dispel the shame through their blame toward others.

 
Judging and blaming others is their only way of minimizing their shame momentarily. The only cure for the judging and blaming narcissist is to repent, admit their dreadful character and inner spirit, with the desire to be cleansed of it.
1 John 1:9 "9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Confession of flaws and sins is the only way to cleanse away the guilt and shame that come from self-will and eventual devastation.

 
There are no authentic friendships in the narcissist's life; there are only people they use to gratify themselves. When someone no longer serves their purposes, they delete them from their lives, or at least place them on the back burner for later in case their other relationships don't work out anymore.

 
Building quality relationships takes caring about others. A friendship is based on walking through life with someone, the good and the bad, to be a "wing-man" always ready to express love God's way. This is why we don't see much love in the world anymore, because few people have God's kind of love.

 
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Love delights in the truth because it is only the truth that helps people, even if the truth is hard to hear.

 
Flattery is not helpful, praising people is not helpful, just honest truth with loving affection is valuable in a friendship.

Proverbs 29:5 "A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet."

Proverbs 26:24-28 "Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling. A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin."

Romans 16:18 "For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.
Honest people who love others do encourage and compliment those they love, but without any other motive than to help support their friend. If they love them they tell the truth when they are doing something that will harm themselves.

 
1 Thessalonians 2:1-20 "For you yourselves know, brothers, that our coming to you was not in vain. But though we had already suffered and been shamefully treated at Philippi, as you know, we had boldness in our God to declare to you the gospel of God in the midst of much conflict. For our appeal does not spring from error or impurity or any attempt to deceive, but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts. For we never came with words of flattery, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed—God is witness."

Narcissists do not recognize real love; they think love is continual praise and lots of attention for them. They have no real love to give to anyone else except those who elevate them, a useful kind of manipulative love that leaves them in a prominent position.

 
Our churches have become like this, full of lovers of self who only do their deeds to be seen by others and who gain something for themselves in their relationships.
God told us this would happen in the last days, most people are like the narcissist somewhere on the spectrum while growing worse all the time.

 
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "Difficult Times Will Come
3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."

2 Timothy 2:2-4…2 Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and encourage with every form of patient instruction. 3 For the time will come when men will not tolerate sound doctrine, but with itching ears they will gather around themselves teachers to suit their own desires. 4 So they will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths."

When we know this is what is happening to our world, we can remain joyful knowing it is not about us personally and that God gives us the strength to walk with Christ, even if we have to walk alone.

Free from the Bondage of Fleshly Pleasure

Many people in our culture are dedicated to having fun before they can no longer have fun. A pleasure seeker, someone who loves accolades and notoriety, is easily deceived by false doctrine and cultural norms.

 
The sad thing is, these kinds of people focus on fun all their lives; they never stop seeking adventure and pleasurable things to boast about to others.

These people are never truly happy because their happiness is based on adventures. When we are mature and wise, our joy comes from the normal things in life; there is no need for adventures.

 
1 Corinthians 13:11 "11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."
Pleasure in our day is sought after more than anything else. From observing life as a 70's something, I see those who seek after pleasure remaining immature in their conversations and responses to life all their lives. They lack a sober and contemplative mindset that evaluates things rationally and in truth.

 
There is more joy in the heart of those who do not need adventures. Their enjoyment is based on everyday normal life and God's principles, not on anything extraneous to impress others.

 
Ephesians 4:14 "Then we will no longer be infants, tossed about by the waves and carried around by every wind of teaching and by the clever cunning of men in their deceitful scheming."

Hebrews 5:12-14 "Although by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to reteach you the basic principles of God’s word. You need milk, not solid food! For everyone who lives on milk is still an infant, inexperienced in the message of righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained their senses to distinguish good from evil."

1 Peter 2:2 "Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation,"

If we are to grow in holiness and maturity, we will seek Christ and not the pleasures of this world. If we choose the pleasures, God is going to bring trials to wake us up to remind us of what is important.