Many people over the years have decided to become Christian for various reasons.
One reason is their friends were Christians, or the person they planned on marrying was Christian.
Young children "accepted" Christ because of the pressure of their parents to do what their parents suggested they do. They wanted the approval of their parents so they decided they should become a Christian to be loved by man. These children learn all the verbiage of the parents but have never trusted Christ and were never changed by Him. Another reason people become Christians is that they believe they will make good spouses. Since obeying God's word is not essential to both parties the "Christian" marries the non-believer hoping to change them. The non-believer doesn't want to be changed by anyone so they remain rebellious and pretend to go along with what the believing spouse wants.
The real reason for the marriage on the part of the believer is physical attraction, if we were to be honest. If character mattered more than anything else the believer would not be attracted to the unbeliever.
Over time the desire to get along with the believing spouse is reduced and even goes away completely, the marriage is a disaster. Remember the unbeliever cannot sustain godly ways because they have never been changed into a new creation by Christ, they are merely pretending. It doesn't take long for the pretense to be exposed, the unbeliever becomes weary of the game and gives up entirely.
God requires a contrite heart to become born again. That word "contrite" means "crushed" by the sin they no longer love within them. The unbeliever changes their mind about their sin because of the gospel and desires to be changed by Christ into a new creation.
Acts 3:19
"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord."
To repent means deep regret or remorse over sinfulness.
1 John 1:9
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
Those who decide to become Christians without ever repenting or are never crushed under the weight of their sin, cannot be born again. Sadly, many people came to Christ thinking all they had to do was be a better person, follow a set of rules and their in like flynn. Expecting to be very successful very quickly at this "Christian thing."
I know many Christians who think they are saved because they were born into a family that went to church every week and because they did all the right things expected of them.
Did you know a person can "do all the right things" and still go to hell? The reason is because they attempted to be good in their own strength and according to their own thinking. They tried to follow Christ in their own effort developing pride at how good they think they are. These people never self-reflect to keep close accounts with God because they are their own god.
When we become contrite (crushed) under the realization that we are sinners without hope, then we can come to Christ desiring to be changed by Him.
2 Corinthians 5:16-18 "…16 So from now on we regard no one according to the flesh. Although we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:…"
Unless Christ does the changing in us, we cannot be saved. We cannot change ourselves, or trust in ourselves and go to heaven. We must trust in Christ, confess our sinfulness and desire to be changed into a new creation by Him in order to be changed and saved.
When Christ changes us our mind is changed too. We no longer desire the things of the world as we loved before. We have a new nature that desires to know the heart of God. A new nature that desires holiness while avoiding sin. If our flesh causes us to sin we want to be disciplined by God to be brought back into fellowship with Him. We never lose our salvation but we can lose fellowship with God until we confess to be cleansed. The Holy Spirit in us will go silent until we confess. When we confess He will once again fellowship with us. The following verses were given to born-again believers.
1 John 1:9
"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Psalm 66:18 "If I regard iniquity in my heart, The Lord will not hear:"
Hebrews 12:5-7 "…5 And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not take the discipline of the Lord lightly, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises every son He receives.” 7 Endure suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?"
God does not throw away His children over sin, but He does discipline them so they will learn to grow in holiness.
Our flesh is sinful and must be resisted, it is the Spirit of God Who lives in us Who helps us to resist the sin that tempts us. If we ignore the Holy Spirit He will stop speaking to us or helping us until the consequences of the sin help to drive us back to Him to confess and turn from the sin. Do not think that a born-again believer will get away with sin merely because they are under the grace of God.
It is because they are under grace that God will punish them, they do not escape His spanking. If a believer persists in sin refusing to hear the Holy Spirit until death, they will lose rewards in heaven.
1 Corinthians 3:14-16 "…14 If what he has built survives, he will receive a reward. 15 If it is burned up, he will suffer loss. He himself will be saved, but only as if through the flames. 16 Do you not know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?"
Those who do not have the fruit of the Spirit but call themselves Christian cannot be saved until they are contrite and desire to be changed by Christ. Those who defend their sin and refuse to confess will not be saved.
Galatians 5:22-23
"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
Every born-again believer has all this fruit, they are not acts of kindness they are character qualities. They do lead to right living but many unbelievers can fake this in right living, but they do not possess the quality itself. Unbelievers will not be forgiven of their sin even if they confess them, if they have not first trusted Christ. God wants them to realize it is their "nature" that is sinful and must be redeemed through confession and change of the nature by Christ.
When we have the fruit of the Spirit we don't have to pretend kindness, it is a part of who we are, we do this without thinking because it is our new nature. The same with all the other gifts.
If a person is kind to those they like and mean to those they don't like, this person does not have the fruit of the Spirit. a born-again believer is kind to everyone all the time, it is not in their character to be anything else.
When we are born-again we recognize others who have the fruit, it is the Spirit of Christ in us that connects with the Spirit of Christ in another born-again believer.
Too many people take out of context the verse that says we cannot know the heart of another man. While this is true that "we" cannot know, the Holy Spirit in us does know and He imparts to us the discernment and wisdom to be able to see the character of a person.
Matthew 7:15-20
You Will Know Them by Their Fruits
15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Therefore by their fruits you will know them."
Satan will try to deceive you by making you doubt the discernment of Christ in you by using Scripture out of context and intimidating you into feeling like a bad person for the wisdom God has given you.
The apostate church became apostate by using scripture out of context and intimidating people into doubting what the Holy Spirit has told them. Do not be surprised when you are rejected for telling the truth that God gave you. Christ was rejected too and all His apostles.
Keep looking up all the time every day, this will keep you strong and confident when Christ directs you into truth.
And lastly; Fear no man!!!! Many will try to intimidate, mock, exclude and demean you, let them and then ignore them and keep obeying Christ.
Satan is using these people to intimidate you into silence and even entice you into sin, don't let him.
Luke 21:28 " 28 When these things begin to happen, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.”
