Narcissists Love To Hurt Others

Since narcissists are all about being the center of attention, the prettiest, the strongest, the most handsome and the most accomplished of anyone else, they are jealous of anyone who is happy at their own accomplishments.

Proverbs 11:2 “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.”

Proverbs 16:18 “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”

Galatians 6:3 “For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.

For the narcissists happiness should be theirs alone, everyone else should admire their happiness, but should never be happier than the narcissist.

I have had many experiences in my life that demonstrate the principle that narcissists attempt to undermine the happiness of others through denial of any accomplishments on the part of those they envy.

When a narcissist is envious, they are generally and often vengeful, desiring to ruin any joy derived from an event that produced pleasure for their victim.

Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

Romans 12:16 “Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.”

A good example of this is a dinner party I attended in which the host went out of her way to prepare delicious food and a lovely decorated table with name cards and special glasses, plates and flatware. When the narcissists entered the room where the meal was to be served, they proclaimed that the host should not have done all this work; they weren’t fancy people and were not comfortable with a dinner party where the table was adorned so lavishly.

Of course the hostess was hurt by these remarks, because her hope was that, in preparing a lovely table with good food, the guests would enjoy themselves much more. After all don’t we go to special restaurants for birthdays and anniversaries, rather than staying at home, to be somewhere different and more elegant than we would have every day at home?

Even though the hostess felt bad about the attitude and comments, she ignored it and carried on to serve the meal. However, the good feelings that would have come from someone enjoying her preparations, was ruined. She now had no good feelings about it, which was the goal of the narcissists.

Narcissists cannot stand engaging in joy and pleasures with those for which they have contempt. They work to ruin the mood of gatherings in which they would not be getting the glory or becoming the center of attention.

When this happens one or two times in our lives we tend to think perhaps we did something wrong. But how could doing your best to making guests happy, be wrong? Confusion invades our thinking while we are left wondering if we were rude in some way. We decide after prayer and pondering that we did nothing wrong, so, we think, “what is the problem”? There was a sense of “shock and awe” perpetrated on the hostess over a dinner party?

As time went on, more and more of these “shock and awe” events occurred leaving the hostess completely baffled as to what she was doing that was so terrible. Then the light bulb went on, she realized that this didn’t happen with other people who treated her with respect and enjoyed the things she prepared for them. Why would some people be so gracious and appreciative at a dinner party and others act as though the hostess had committed unforgivable rudeness? The Lord began to give her answers; they were in the Word of God, the passage in 2 Timothy 3, explained a lot.

2 Timothy 3:1-5 “3 But understand this, that yin the last days there will come times of difficulty. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, 4 treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. avoid such people.”

She began to understand that her encounter with the narcissistic couple was their own selfish bent toward being superior to everyone else. They just couldn’t allow the hostess to have joy over the gathering; they had to rob her of that, to feel superior to her.

The normal, natural and perfectly acceptable response at a dinner party to which we are invited, is to be pleased, thankful and complimentary toward the hostess who went to so much work, no matter what the food is or the decorations are, we should always be grateful.

When we encounter attitudes from the same people over and over again, we need to understand that they have targeted us for no other reason except to elevate themselves. This is their mode of operation when they are in the presence of those who treat them with love but do not elevate them above others. These same people do not consider themselves as being loved unless they are elevated. Their idea of love is doing what they want, when they want it while being the center of attention.

When we have gone to prayer, analyzed the situation in question and can find nothing we did or said to foster the attitudes or rudeness in our guests, and then we can be sure we are dealing with selfish people who must continually be hoisted to a position of honor above others.

What should our response be in these situations? First I probably wouldn’t invite them over very often; they obviously do not appreciate the gestures of kindness. However, if we are in a situation where we have to have the dinner party, then we do what we always do while ignoring the remarks. We should not allow narcissists to dictate the hospitality in our homes. If we were to go to their home, we graciously accept whatever they have for us just as they should accept our ways.

The key to dealing with narcissists is to visit with them in small doses and never respond to their rudeness. Narcissists look for and hope to cause ill feelings that turn into arguments. I have had much contact with these kinds of people; I find that it is best to be a watcher as though in a stage production, never taking into our soul the barbs that are thrown.

Narcissists love conflict and are elated when others are hurt from their rudeness. My prayer is that those of you who have had to deal with narcissists would learn to be strong enough to feel nothing when they perpetrate their acts of intimidation, perhaps even seeing the humor in it. It is silly and childish; we can learn to pity and pray for them.

Criminals Think They Are Good

It would be amusing if it were not so tragic, that almost all prisoners who have been convicted of crimes who are in jail, believe they are "basically good people."

If the core of our being were basically good, we would have to be taught to be bad.

But we know that being bad comes naturally to all of us, we have to be taught growing up how to be loving, kind, selfless and productive, without that teaching and training we do what comes naturally and that is to think completely of self, without regard to the well being of others.


Proverbs 6:11-16
"A worthless person, a wicked man, goes about with crooked speech, winks with his eyes, signals with his feet, points with his finger, with perverted heart devises evil, continually sowing discord; therefore calamity will come upon him suddenly; in a moment he will be broken beyond healing. There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him:"

Proverbs 28:1-28
"The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion. When a land transgresses, it has many rulers, but with a man of understanding and knowledge, its stability will long continue. A poor man who oppresses the poor is a beating rain that leaves no food. Those who forsake the law praise the wicked, but those who keep the law strive against them. Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the Lord understand it completely. ..."

We Are Commanded To Rebuke

We are responsible to rebuke, exhort and admonish believers to help them grow in holiness. We are also to be open to and appreciative of others who challenge us to evaluate our beliefs and actions. We are to do this with one another daily. We must make judgments in order to discern whether there is a need for this. Of course our judgments can never be on guesses or gossip, but what we see and with witnesses.

When we see people using the verse in part, "do not judge" it is a deliberate omission of the rest of the passage which commands us to be sure we are not doing the same sin, BEFORE we go to our brother to correct him. Notice God does not say not to go to our brother, but to be sure we are not hypocritical in our actions.

2 TIMOTHY 6 All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness, 3:17 That the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.

2 TIMOTHY 4:2 Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season, reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction.

2 TIMOTHY 2:24,25 And the Lord's bond servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, 2:25 with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth.

MATTHEW 7:3 And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye ?
7:4 Or how can you say to your brother, Let me take the speck out of your eye and behold, the log is in your own eye ?
7:5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

2 THESSALONIANS 3:14 And if anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take special note of that man and do not associate with him, so that he may be put to shame, 2:15 And yet do not regard him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.

1 TIMOTHY 5:1 Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, 5:2 the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters, in all purity.

PROVERBS 6:23; 3:12; 23:13; 29:17; Jer 30:11; TITUS 1:13; 2:15; 1 TIM 5:20; REV 3:19; LUKE 17:3

1 THESSALONIANS 5:21-22
21 But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; 22 abstain from every [a]form of evil.

We are a Narcissistic Nation

We are actually born with narcissistic tendencies, it is called original sin. In our present climate of the teaching of self esteem we have fostered an entitlement mentality beginning in the early years. The fewer societal restraints we have on inappropriate and mean behavior, the more we see this mentality of entitlement grow.

When our culture operates as though everyone is basically good, it will not be able to know the proper way to handle bad or mean behavior. Most liberals think you can reason with young children to teach them, and at times this does work, but generally children do not see a need to believe parents without some sort of corporal punishment to reinforce truth.

Proverbs 13:24 "He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently."

Making children feel special or in control, causes arrogance and a grandiose sense of self. It is one thing to be encouraging when a child is really doing well and quite another to praise a child when they are not. Encouragement means to express to someone that they can do something if they try and work hard. It is not encouragement to praise a child who has not tried, did not obey and turned out a piece of garbage because they just wanted to say they did something. To praise like this is nothing more than fruitless flattery.

Proverbs 29:5 "5 A man who flatters his neighbor Is spreading a net for his steps."

I am convinced that children know when they are being foolishly flattered and when we are being sincere. The more we flatter the more we promote lying. To flatter someone when we know they didn't do as they should, is lying to them.

Proverbs 13:5 "A righteous man hates lying: but a wicked man is loathsome, and comes to shame."

Proverbs 14:5 "A faithful witness will not lie: but a false witness will utter lies."

If we care about our children we lovingly tell them the truth, we do not allow them to wallow in laziness. Laziness brings shame along with many other sinful habits. When we are lazy in work we will be lazy in personal relationships and diligence toward God's principles.

Proverbs 13:4 "The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing,
But the soul of the diligent is made fat."

If we love our children we are more concerned about their obedience to us and God's Word, than we are about their temporary feelings. They must learn to ignore their feelings and continue to obey. We do not negate their feelings, but we do not indulge them either.

We see an increase in crimes when the punishments are too lenient. When we do not show the seriousness of sin we tend to think of obedience as a suggestion rather than an obligation.

There was a times when the cultural taboo of living in sin outside of marriage was so strong that no one would do it openly. Because it was considered a base thing to do, almost everyone avoided it.

Christians wouldn't indulge themselves in it and even non-believers were not engaging in this sin. It was not considered kind or proper to take the virginity from a woman without committing oneself completely to her for life. A woman was considered the more vulnerable of the race, to be treated with honor and respect.

I am sure all of you have noticed that the more the restraints for sinful activity have been loosened, the greater numbers of people are gratifying themselves in risky and selfish activities outside of God's principles.

Let's take a little inventory, since the 1960's when moral restraints were beginning to be lifted through the Elvis craze and the onset of rock music promoting sin of every kind, we have gone from nearly no one living outside marriage together to same sex marriage promoted by the highest courts of our land.

Goodness.....does anyone think that all this freedom to sin has gained us something other than devastating us as a society? We have more broken and selfish people than we have ever had since the beginning of this country, with no end in sight.

Psalm 33:12 "Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people whom he has chosen as his heritage!"

Proverbs 14:34 "Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people."

Here we are today as a nation:
Deuteronomy 32:28 "“For they are a nation void of counsel, and there is no understanding in them."

Fox Hole Prayers Go Unheard

For those of you who have found yourself alone a lot, writing, reading, praying and going about your normal weekly duties, I would like to encourage you, that this is a typical existence for those who are sold out to Jesus Christ.

My dear friends now live a long ways away, but our friendship will never be disturbed because we desire the same things. We are like minded, wanting truth to be from God's Word, while seeking to be and expecting to grow in holiness.

Most of modern Christendom has little use for our kind of radicalism. We don't talk the same talk or walk the same walk as those who love the things of the world, even though they use the name of Christ to elevate themselves or to experience a feeling of safety when hardship comes.

As true believers we don't wait until there is a disaster to rush to the One Whom we think can make everything better. Those who do this are not walking with God, they are using Him, like a spiritual puppet, to do their bidding when they find themselves in a situation they have no control over.

These people don't love Christ, as commanded in the first commandment. They merely admire Him for what He could give them.

How would you feel if the only time your adult children paid any attention to you was when they needed something from you? All other times they ignore you, even mock you, neglect you, remove themselves from you in times of greatest need?

This is what our modern Christendom has done, taught people to pray when the going gets rough, but they are not even told who to pray to, or what to pray about. They believe "praying", merely speaking words into the wind, will have power all by itself. They never glorify or bless God any other time. Their "devotion" is embarrassingly insincere at best and completely self absorbed.

Matthew 22:36-38
"…36"Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?" 37And He said to him, "'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.' 38"This is the great and foremost commandment...."

Those who think they will have God's ear when they have no interest in loving Him, are diluted and fictional in their thinking. God has clearly said that He will not hear the prayers of those who do not love Him.

John 9:31
"Now we know that God heareth not sinners: but if any man be a worshipper of God, and doeth his will, him he heareth."

Proverbs 28:9
"He that turneth away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer shall be abomination."

Isaiah 1:14-16
"…14"I hate your new moon festivals and your appointed feasts, They have become a burden to Me; I am weary of bearing them. 15"So when you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide My eyes from you; Yes, even though you multiply prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are covered with blood. 16"Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean; Remove the evil of your deeds from My sight. Cease to do evil."

Proverbs 1:26-28
26 I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh;
27 When your fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a whirlwind; when distress and anguish cometh upon you.
28 Then shall they call upon me, but I will not answer; they shall seek me early, but they shall not find me:

These verses should frighten those who attempt to use God. Far too many people believe God winks at and overlooks their sinful hearts. They believe He will come running when they are in distress no matter how sinful their heart is, or how many times they ignored Him when He tried to speak to them.

God will only hear the prayers of those who confess their sin while the Holy Spirit lives in them. Those who are not born again, will only be heard if they are praying a prayer of contrition desiring to be cleansed of their sin. All other fox hole prayers just to be saved from trouble, will not be heard.

Unfounded Accusations Based on Little Evidence

When observing the actions of others from a distance, it might be good to remember that our mind tends to interpret intentions and actions in terms of what we expect or believe, which are not always accurate.

The best way to avoid making rash and inaccurate evaluations is to actually speak to the person we observed, telling them what we saw and asking them what was meant by it.

I wonder how many relationships would be spared, how many misunderstandings cleared up and how much gossip thwarted by a simple act of love, through opening the two appendages on the front of our face called lips, in the presence of the one we are inclined to judge.

God never said not to judge, He told us to "judge righteously." There is only one way to judge righteously and that is to have all the information necessary to discern a matter.

Many forms of sin are easy to judge, we see it and know that it is bad and that the one doing it is sinning. However there are lots of things we see that look like sin, that may not be at all.

An example of a sin easy to judge is the man who walks into a grocery store and robs it at gun point.

Other activities are not so easy to judge. When we see a woman in a restaurant having dinner with a man not her husband, later only to find out it was her brother. Of course the rational thing to do is walk right up to the table, say hello and introduce yourself. In other words assuming there is nothing wrong. If we are afraid to walk up and introduce ourselves, we have made the judgement that the woman was sinning, without even speaking to her.

I remember a case in the news a few years ago when a man in a car on the freeway appeared to deliberately swerve into the lane next to him, pointing his car at the driver in the lane, causing the victim to have to veer off the road into the ditch. Witnesses reported that it was a deliberate act, assuming he was drunk. Later it was discovered and revealed that the driver had a heart attack, losing control of his car. There was nothing deliberate and no sin involved.

The moral of the story is that we cannot always know if something is sin until we have investigated it, if in fact it is any of our business to begin with. Gossips love to report what they have seen and make "educated" guesses on things after which they enjoy passing on their conclusions.

A truly educated guess is one in which the people involved have investigated all the facets of the event and discovered the truth. One of the violations of these principles are the videos we are seeing on the internet that malign the reputation of a police officer in 5 seconds of video, while foolish viewers shout foul without any more information that that snippet.

It's alright to be curious and even concerned about those we love, we just need to be willing to ask and listen before we jump to unfounded accusations.

Proverbs 14:18 "The simple inherit folly, but the prudent are crowned with knowledge."

Ephesians 6:14 "Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness,"

Proverbs 2:1-3
"The Pursuit of Wisdom Brings Security
2 My son, if you will receive my words
And treasure my commandments within you,
2 Make your ear attentive to wisdom,
Incline your heart to understanding;
3 For if you cry for discernment,
Lift your voice for understanding;"

Proverbs 2:7-8
"7 He stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
He is a shield to those who walk in integrity,
8 Guarding the paths of justice,
And He preserves the way of His godly ones."

God Calls It An Abomination

God calls homosexuality an abomination. not all sin is called that, it basically means a detestable and absolutely filthy sin, the worst of all sins.

When we fly in the face of God's creation in this way it is the same as thumbing our nose at God, mocking and demeaning Him.

Leviticus 20:13 "If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. Their bloodguiltiness is upon them."

This detestable sin was so terrible that God called for the execution of anyone who practiced it. We no longer put people to death for sins, but that isn't because the sin isn't bad any more, it is merely because God gives many chances to repent in this dispensation of Grace.

It is God's mercy that He does not annihilate those who practice abominations. In these last days of Grace He is giving every person an opportunity to choose to be broken over their sin while confessing it to be cleansed by God.

The very frightening thing is that most Christians do not take sin seriously, they play with it believing God winks at it the way everyone else around us does. We don't realize that He is not winking, but patiently waiting until we have gone too far in our rebellion, then He will pour out His wrath on those who continue to shake their fist at Him.

Romans 1:18-32
"18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness,
19 because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them.
20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse,
21 because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened.
22 Professing to be wise, they became fools,
23 and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man—and birds and four-footed animals and creeping things.
24 Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves,
25 who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
26 For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature.
27 Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.
28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting;
29 being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality,[a] wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers,
30 backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,
31 undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful;
32 who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them."

Laziness is a Sin

Giving money to those who have lived a lifestyle of wanton disregard for godly principles, is like opening up your toilet lid and flushing the money into the septic.

No good comes from throwing money after those who have had a proven record of wasting their money on foolishness while choosing not to pay bills.

The better thing to do is to offer to help them to learn how to handle their money.

A few years ago someone called my home to ask for money to pay electric bills. I asked her if she smoked, she said yes but she was trying to quit. Then I asked her if she ever ate out at restaurants, such as McDonalds or other fast food places, she said yes but rarely.

This same young single mother who had never been married, proclaimed loudly that she got government funds but it wasn't enough. She asked to have money to pay her electric bill because they had no heat and they were cold. It was then that I knew I was dealing with a liar. It was August, it was past 80 degrees outside. I told her to open her windows to let in the warm air.

She became angry rather than ashamed I might add, which is a clue. Those who are honest and humble do not become angry when told no, they display humility and shame.

Chances are good that woman was not trying to quit smoking, she probably ate out frequently as many poor people on government assistance do, and we know she was not cold from lack of electrical heat.

So often believers are afraid to call people to account. Their need to feel special from giving over rides their good sense and a need to help people by "teaching them how to fish" rather than just "giving them a fish."

Believers need to stop feeling guilty about having to say no to manipulators who are lazy while demanding our hard earned resources when they will not properly handle their own.

I have respect for those who have messed up but want to learn to make it on their own through hard work and diligence with their available resources. But I have little tolerance for those who just want a hand out to remain lazy and unproductive.

2 Thessalonians 3:10 "For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat."

1 Timothy 5:8 "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."

Proverbs 10:4 "A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich."

Proverbs 19:24 "The sluggard buries his hand in the dish and will not even bring it back to his mouth."

Proverbs 13:4 "The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied."

What We Think About Matters

"We become what we think about!" If we fantasize about being superior to others, while continuing to act like we are, demeaning others to remain true to the illusion of our own grandeur, we live in a state of continual emotional struggle to maintain the position in our own minds.. Our focus on self always brings a crystallization of the brain, solidifying the negative and base things in life, keeping us in a fog contrary to God's law and purpose.

Proverbs 23:7 "7 For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee."

When Christ is our focus, we can ponder truth, while evaluating what we allow into our lives. The more we know truth the more we are plagued with the injustice of everything around us, however that joy that lives in us from knowing the end of the story, causes us to rejoice that Christ wins and then we go home to glory.

Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."

There are those who believe we are negative because we are continually warning about the pitfalls of sin and rebellion against God. What these people don't realize is that we want people to become born again, saved from their sin and we desire that believers shake off the sin that still remains in them.

We continue in joy knowing that every life experience is a time of learning and growing. As they say "no pain no gain." Those who have few challenges learn less.

We don't dwell on the evil things, we warn about them, so that one day when this life is all over, we can go home knowing we obeyed God, then is when we will get to leave behind all earthly misery. As for now we are obligated to warn others, the time is short.

I am not in a continual state of sadness over all that I see, I become grieved at times, but the joy that dwells in me is greater than everything I experience.

Romans 12:12 "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."

James 1:2-8 "2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."

Children are More Disrespectful Than Ever Before!

An excellent article on the condition of our culture today. Follow the link!

http://www.tomorrowsworld.org/magazines/2004/september-october/children-will-rule

Parent Abuse by Adult Children

I have been researching the matter of parent abuse, I am not talking about parents who abuse children, how ever I am talking about adult children who abuse elderly parents.

When I came against the teaching of self esteem 40 years ago, many believers were defending it. While the parents were treating their own parents with a reasonable amount of respect, they were in the process of teaching their children to treat them with disrespect when they become adults.

Pampering and indulging the children to maintain peace in the house only managed to create future monsters, now the adults who are treating their elderly parents with dishonor and disrespect. They feel equal to their parents rather than approaching them in reverence.

There are many parents who are now feeling broken and estranged from their own adult children for two reasons, the first one is the divorce and remarriage problem and then there is the cultural influence of our children in public schools. The teachers treated the children as equals even allowing them to call them by their first names, which is clearly a breakdown in authority. While the parent at home was attempting to teach authority and honor, the teachers at school were teaching them to think of themselves first.

I have read articles written by estranged parents from their adult children that give us clues as to why the children are acting in this fashion. The parents are lamenting the fact that their adult children are treating them contemptuously after they come back home to live when they couldn't make it in the world. Not only are the adult children treating them with disrespect, they show no gratefulness for the charity of their parents. There is a sense of scorn in the adult child's attitude as though what their parents are giving them is a right rather than a gift. These stories indicate to me that many parents have been pampering their children all along or they would not be coming back home to live with an attitude of entitlement and contempt. Godly children seek to take care of their aging parents rather than expecting their aging parents to carry them.

Sadly I believe this attitude toward parents is the mentality that slops over into their view of God, they feel they have the right to salvation and wealth, rather than seeing it as a blessing for which to be grateful. It is difficult for those who feel entitled to ever be humbled in order to come to Christ.

My guess is that many of these parents have been pampering their children all along, allowing them to speak disrespectfully while giving them their desires every time they had a tantrum. Little did these parents realize that pampering and bailing out a naughty child at ten years of age, would result in bratty and immature adults later.

Not all parents who encounter this immense disrespect have been bad parents, even if the children claim they were in some way. Many parents did the best they could, in their humanly imperfect state, but took good care of their children even raising them while deeply concerned about them.

Our culture has lost something along the way, that was important. As children we were taught to treat parents with honor and respect whether or not we agreed with them. We were taught to speak to them with kindness even if their lives were not what we thought they should be. We never raised our voices to our parents as young adults, that was completely unacceptable. And, never did we snap at them to intimidate them.

Now we have children and their spouses who treat us with contempt, acting superior, smart mouthing over the smallest matters, while demanding attention for themselves. They demean and manipulate the parents, working them emotionally because of the love they know their parents have for them.

The moral of the story: because parents were far too interested in being liked by their children, while the culture placed pressure on weak parents to capitulate to the self esteem teaching, we now have an entire generation of disrespectful, arrogant individuals who lack empathy.

This all happened because of the removal of God from our culture. If the Bible had been the rule book for raising our children, we would not be going through this mess now.

The principles of the Bible were what directed the country for many years since it's beginning, so much so that even those who were not born again loved those rules and principles that governed us. That's all gone now! How can we expect to regain it when each day another principle is thrown out, in favor of useless psychological pablum.

Psalm 9:17, ”The wicked shall be turned into Hell, and all the nations that forget God.”

Demons Cannot Dwell in a Born Again Believer

A born again believer cannot be possessed, the demons flee from the Holy Spirit that lives in us, but they can oppress us, even attack our thought life. Job was attacked by the devil with God's permission to show Job's faithfulness while showing Job that God was still there with him.

What we are seeing now, demons controlling and possessing Christians may be because most who say they are Christians were never born again in the first place.

Acts 9:15 "…14Seven sons of one Sceva, a Jewish chief priest, were doing this. 15And the evil spirit answered and said to them, "I recognize Jesus, and I know about Paul, but who are you?" 16And the man, in whom was the evil spirit, leaped on them and subdued all of them and overpowered them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded.…"

This passage is an example of those who thought they were saved and had the power of God who were not, the demons were able to overpower them.

Secular Psychology is not the Answer

I have felt led to clarify something that could be misunderstood by those reading my posts.

I am convinced that secular psychology has almost nothing to offer the believer other than their ability to observe the obvious.

When a believer witnesses a person doing evil we know that the evil they do is coming from their heart, they are doing their dastardly deeds for no other reason except to follow their sinful heart. Often that heart is full of pride, believing they have the right to do anything they want and when thwarted by others, they will lash out in their flesh, permeated by the sin within.

Secular psychology can observe the bad behavior of someone and call it bad, but they assign wrong motive to it. Since their premise is that all mankind is basically good, then the motives of the evil person must be that they are angry about what others did to them.

To assign innocence to an evil doer because others may have done them evil is ludicrous at best. What about the evil that he does to others, do they get to blame him for his actions against them?

Secular mankind looks for excuses based on evolution, that man can do no wrong, he is only another animal, that is merely being stimulated to follow his instinct based on his experiences.

God says exactly the opposite, man is not basically good, rather, man is basically evil. We see this in our daily lives. Mankind does not retaliate against a perceived wrong, that may not even have been a wrong, he is just plain selfish and wants his way no matter who he has to roll over to get it.

Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"

Proverbs 29:1 "1 A man who hardens his neck after much reproof Will suddenly be broken beyond remedy. 2 When the righteous increase, the people rejoice, But when a wicked man rules, people groan.…"

Secular psychology can tell us what is happening, but they do not have the right answers as to why it is happening nor do they have the solution to the sin-sick souls of men. They can, at times give methods that seem to work for awhile, but they cannot fix the soul of a man.

Christ is the only One Who can fix the soul of a man, creating in him a new creature, completely changed. Removing all evil desires with residue that is dealt with as we are being cleansed. Even though believers do sin, they hate that they sin and their heart wants to make things right again through confession and forsaking.

1 Corinthians 5:17 " 17Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 18Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation,"

Secular psychology wrongly instructs people that they will never be cured of certain sin, calling them diseases. All sin can be resolved through confession to Christ depending on Him to remove it from us, this takes faith.

When I speak of narcissism frequently, it is to help those who have been victims of it. Those who have been beaten down so severely that they no longer have a personality or the confidence to carry on in a normal fashion. I also speak of it, using a secular term to describe the passage in 2 Timothy 3:1-5. The seculars know the ailment, but they don't know the description of it comes from the Bible. They also cannot accurately assess the solution, which is Christ alone. In short they know the problem but they do not know the true cause nor do they have a solution that is permanent.

So the gist of the matter is that we should not look to secular psychology for our solutions, the Bible is our guide. Egypt has long been synonymous with sin and secularism, God tells us in His Word not to go to psychology for our help.

Isaiah 31:1 "Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help And rely on horses, And trust in chariots because they are many And in horsemen because they are very strong, But they do not look to the Holy One of Israel, nor seek the LORD!"

We Are The Remnant

Remnant Definition: My thoughts
A small quantity of remaining leftovers. The part that is rejected and thrown away.

As believers we know from the Word that those who have trusted Christ have always been a remnant and always will be, compared to the population of the world.


We are the people who are despised, rejected, omitted and maligned frequently by those who are of the world. Our straight talk and bold confidence leaves us targets for those who love lies and deceit.

The good news is that we are in a foreign land on this earth, we are here with a mission, not to make it our home. We know that we will be moving on soon, our life is short and what we do here is with the goal of spreading the Word so that others may find the peace and salvation of the Lord as we have experienced.

Isaiah 10:20 "20 In that day the remnant of Israel and the survivors of the house of Jacob will no more lean on him who struck them, but will lean on the Lord, the Holy One of Israel, in truth."

Matthew 7:13-14 "13 “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. 14 For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few."

Romans 11:4-6 "…4But what is the divine response to him? "I HAVE KEPT for Myself SEVEN THOUSAND MEN WHO HAVE NOT BOWED THE KNEE TO BAAL." 5In the same way then, there has also come to be at the present time a remnant according to God's gracious choice. 6But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works, otherwise grace is no longer grace.…"

There was a day in Israel centuries ago when those who loved God thought they were all alone, they felt isolated and lonely, but God sought to comfort them by allowing them to know they were not alone entirely, there were others. Just like now, as the remnant experiences the effects of the great apostasy in the church, we sometimes think we are alone, notice how God has given us the internet to connect with those who love Him. We know we are not alone, we may have distance between us, but our hearts are connected by Christ Jesus!

What an exciting thought that is, to know that God cares enough about us to bring us all together in cyper-space, who would have ever guessed this was possible just 30 years ago.

We have every reason to rejoice in all of God's provision and loving care of each of us.

Selfishness Rules the Unsaved

The unsaved have a very different idea of "good" than the righteous man does. Evil people believe it is good for a woman to act immorally, when she suffers the consequences of that sin, even becoming pregnant out of wedlock, it is, in their minds, good to kill the baby to return the mother to her former life without any responsibilities.

Believers know that the best thing is to avoid all sexual sin outside marriage, then the consequences of pregnancy will not happen, the baby will not be killed and when that woman chooses to marry before engaging in sexual activity, she will have a husband and any children from that union will be alive and having a father. Believers know that two parent families are vitally important to the welfare of the children.


The unsaved believe it is good to "shack up" without commitment. Believers know that shacking up is nearly a guarantee that there will be a split eventually, the children from that experience will be abandoned by one or both parents, leaving scars that cannot be removed. Anger rages in the heart of a child who has been treated so wrecklessly.

There is so much more about the faulty and selfish thinking of the unsaved, making bad good and good bad. Our culture can see the devastation of the thinking of the unsaved. Sadly we see people who claim to be believers falling in line with the world, feeling the effects on their families as they neglect the principles of God.

The only solution for those who have ignored God and His principles, is to become born again, changed in their very nature from the evil they are to the righteousness of Christ by the Holy Spirit.



Stacy Freeman


The greater portion a man has of the Spirit of Christ the more he seeks the good of all men.

Our Culture Has It Backward

Evil is now celebrated and righteousness disdained. That is our world and getting worse. I am so thankful I am a believer, even if it means to be rejected by the world. I could never want what they think they have.

Romans 5:1-5

"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

God Calls a Narcissist a "Fool"

One of the very subtle tactics of the narcissist is to act as though we did something bad when we did something good. Often there is jealousy on the part of the narc when we accomplish something pleasing even if it is for them.

Normal kind, loving people appreciate acts of good intentions on their behalf. A reasonable person sees a kind act as something to be thankful for and enjoyed, even drawing the relationship closer. A narcissist will use the opportunity of a kind act to degrade and even humiliate the one who was benevolent, especially if their victim ever corrected or disagreed with them in the slightest terms.

A narcissist attempts to find something wrong in order to elevate themselves. They cannot tolerate anyone doing something that brings positive attention to anyone other than themselves, it distracts the others in the room from the narcissist.

Often the narcissists will work to undermine us if we have challenged them in any way, even the slightest correction or disagreement causes the narcissist to engage in emotional abuse, usually subtle so that others in the room do not notice.

Isaiah 5:20 "Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness; Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!"

There is no profit in sharply rebuking the narc, they will only turn it around to make you the evil one in the eyes of others. The best tactic in dealing with these self aggrandized individuals is to seek God's Word for the answer. Here are some Scriptures that may help us to see the nature of the character of the narc and how to engage with them.

The best way to handle the narcissist is to first understand them according to God's Word.

Proverbs 18:2 "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion."

Proverbs 29:11 "A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back."

Proverbs 1:7 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction."

Ecclesiastes 7:9 "Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools."

A narcissists is a fool, they enjoy and feed off of the pain and suffering of others. They laugh at the pratfalls of others but never laugh at their own. They enjoy watching their victim become angry and upset. The greatest victory in the mind of the narc is to cause divisions, separate friends and family while watching it all as though in a movie theater.

Proverbs 26:4 "Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him."

Proverbs 10:14 "The wise lay up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool brings ruin near."

Proverbs 29:9 "If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet."

Never argue with a fool, when it is clear they are trying to draw us into a fight. They will consider themselves as having won, looming over their victim in superiority, as soon as someone is infuriated or frustrated.

We have all known people like this, their greatest aim is to be superior in the eyes of others, not realizing they are what the Bible calls a "fool."

We have seen them on facebook, they don't bring reasonable well thought out ideas, only superficial platitudes and name calling to elevate themselves, while frustrating all those looking on. They have won in their own minds if they have managed to get everyone fighting with everyone else including them.

Proverbs 14:7-9 "Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge. The wisdom of the prudent is to discern his way, but the folly of fools is deceiving. Fools mock at the guilt offering, but the upright enjoy acceptance."

Moral of the story is, as soon as we discern that the person we are engaging with is a fool, it is a good idea to leave the discussion and for the one who owns the page to block them. "Going no contact" with the fool, or in modern terms the "narcissists", is the only course of action that returns our peace to us and saves friendships.

What is Your Career Question?

What is Your Career Question?

Does anyone know why people from other countries who ask to be our friends, want to know what we do for a living?

It seems like every time I get that question it is the second one after "how are you doing?"

Is it because they want to know if they can extract money from us? When I tell them that I am a homemaker, staying home to take care of my family, the next question is "what does your husband do?" I am beginning to think that these people want to ask for money or our career would not be the first thing they ask about.

As a believer it makes sense to me that the first thing one believer would ask another person would be "are you a follower of Christ?" That would make much more sense to me.

Is it possible that the whole world is infected with the disease of materialism? They think Americans are all wealthy, so they target us for funds?

When I see that question as the second question they ask, I am now blocking them. My "career" is not really very important in terms of the Christian life. The most important matter is that we have connected with like minded believers who share the Holy Spirit. Perhaps I am alerting the money mongers to the fact that the question about my career is becoming offensive to me. The career questions is a polite way of asking "how much money do you make?"

My career does not define who I am as a person, my walk with Christ does! So I guess I write this to point out that when "career" is the first things we are questioned about, I am suspect about the one writing, whether or not there is another question coming, "can I have your money?"

Just saying!!!

Narcissism Described in the Bible

Proverbs 13:10
"Through insolence comes nothing but strife, But wisdom is with those who receive counsel."

Insolence: meaning boldly disrespectful!

Narcissists will be disrespectful, but claim their victim is the one being disrespectful. Remember, the narcissists doesn't play fair, nor do they have a conscience over how they harm others. They will lie against anyone who exposes their character. They will use covert and even blatant language to intimidate their victims, attempting to gain control over them.

When we meet a person who seems to delight in arguments we are probably encountering a narcissists. Beating others down in conversation is the favored tactic of the narcissist.

Narcissist definition: someone who has deeply elevated themselves above others, lacks empathy, does not do good deeds for others or does them to gain advantage or praise. They must win in any discussion. Discussions are never to gain truth, but merely to demonstrate superiority.

A fool (narcissist), hate correction raging to combat anyone who would attempt to inform them about anything. Since they believe themselves to be superior, they cannot receive criticism on any level. The response of the narcissists is to fight bitterly against anyone who will not elevate them or will dare to correct or instruct them.

Matthew 6:1 ""Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven."

2 Timothy 3:1-5 "3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, [a]haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."

Proverbs 1:7 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction."

We are meeting more of these in our day. Because of the teaching of self esteem in the past 50 years, our culture has created selfish, entitled, insolent, bratty and vindictive individuals who have little or no conscience and these are the adults who are raising our grandchildren.

There are more adult children and their parents who are estranged from one another than eve before, because we have an entire generation of adult children who have never learned honor and respect while thinking they know.

Ephesians 6:2 "“Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),"

God said this would happen in the last days, continuing to increase in numbers and intensity of reaction, the narcissistic problem is growing. We see them in the shootings, the divorce rate, the murdering of babies, the mentality of laziness and entitlement and much more.

Things look pretty bad, but they will get worse. There is coming a time when adult children will put to death their ailing and elderly parents just to be free from any inconvenience they might bring.

My hope and prayer is that believers would begin to call things what they are, stop hiding behind the cloak of religion to justify silence on these things. Far too many people avoid the confrontation they expect to happen when they tell the truth. We need to call things what they are, give the remedy, which is Christ Jesus and take our lumps.

Yes many will reject our message, but there are some who will listen and benefit from it. In reality it isn't our message, it's God's message. Until believers begin to be obedient and honest, there can be no influence in the world, if we don't do it, who will.....the world?

God Turns Us Over!

Romans 1:28
"28 And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper,"

When we resist God He will not continue to pursue us forever, at some point, when we have continually rejected Him and His principles over and over and over again, no matter how many warnings he brings, He will turn us over the our own minds.


What would that look like? Read 2 Timothy 3:1-5 to find the answer. When left to our own devices, pridefully thinking we can ignore God while having things the way we want them, we are placing ourselves and those we influence in grave danger.

The protection of the Lord is removed when He turns us over to ourselves and the devil.

1 John 5:19 "We know that we are from God, and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one."

When God turns us over to ourselves we are not in control, we come under the power of the wicked one as it says in 1 John. All those people who think they can run from God and live their lives as they please their own way, are under someone else's power, not their own. The power of the devil.

When we are under the power of the wicked one, we no longer have the ability to think in ways that help us. All our thoughts are under the sinful flesh and the devil.

Genesis 6:5 "Then the LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great on the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually."

The only solution for those who are running from God is to confess your sinfulness, trust Christ and let change your thinking.

Isaiah 55:9 ""For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts."

The Fear of God is the Beginning of Wisdom

If we have no fear of God, we have no love for Him. At the core of loving God is the fear of displeasing Him. Our culture no longer reverences Him nor do they fear what He can do. Notice the BEGINNING of wisdom is the fear of God. Understanding God's power and majesty should make us quake in our boots when we are disobedience.

Proverbs 9:10 "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding."

Proverbs 1:7 - The fear of the LORD [is] the beginning of knowledge: [but] fools despise wisdom and instruction.


Matthew 10:28 - "And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell."

Deuteronomy 6:5 ""You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might."

Matthew 22:36-37 "36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."

Remaining Silent is Cowardess

The problem with the modern church is not that they are not more involved with politics, it is that they are not engaged in admonishment, correction, rebuke in their lives with those around them.

The fear of man has caused the modern church to remain silent in the face of every day violations of the Word of God. Those who are politically active tend to look down on those who speak boldly about God's principles that are not popular.

Proverbs 29:25 "The fear of man brings a snare, But he who trusts in the LORD will be exalted."

When relatives who claim to be "Christian" are endorsing shack up relationships, through acceptance of them, praising others while engaging in sinful activity and complimenting others on superficial matter such as appearance, activities of pleasure and accomplishments in their life, rather than teaching and training according to the Scriptures, they are validating all the useless and sinful acts of those around them. And, we know that the only reason to remain silent is to avoid the rejection we expect when correcting anyone in this culture.

There is nearly an absence of correction when it comes to divorce and remarriage. Leaving our culture to believe that second marriages are valid ones blessed by God, when God's Word clearly condemns the practice of divorce and remarriage.

In one conversation a couple of years ago, I was bludgeoned by a "Christian youth group", for chastising the young women for wearing bikini's at the beach to be seen by men there. The thing that amazed me was the complete lack of shame, the anger that emerged was shocking.

When a person is born again, they become ashamed when confronted with their sin, they think about it and eventually repent. When a person who is not born again but claims to be a Christian, is confronted with sin, their first response it rage. They work to attack the character of the rebuker, while claiming "you don't know my heart." When given Scripture to show that we can know a person's heart by their deeds, they continue with character assassination, claiming that we were unloving, judgmental and rude. They refused to addresss the bikinis at all, ignoring all the scripture while continuing to attack the messenger.

Jeremiah 6:15 ""Were they ashamed because of the abomination they have done? They were not even ashamed at all; They did not even know how to blush. Therefore they shall fall among those who fall; At the time that I punish them, They shall be cast down," says the LORD."

Matthew 15:9 ""For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders."

We feel proud of ourselves as a Christian culture for standing against same sex marriage and abortion, but violate so many other principles of God that it must be said, our stand against "the big stuff", makes us feel special and we know there are many others on our side. However, standing against the other violations will only get the true believer mocked and excluded from family, friends and even in their own churches.

The modern church has learned which things they can stand against that will bring them much adulation and even praise. When it comes to the other violations of Scripture the modern church mocks and isolates anyone who would stand against the sin that has permeated the church gathering.

To dare to suggest that most people who go to churches are not born again and must once again hear the gospel, is to bring down the wrath of church leaders and fellow parishioners. Often the leaders themselves are not born again, which is why we hear so much of a watered down cultural form of preaching that has little if any value in uplifting the people in holiness.

The point of this article is to show that most people who claim to be Christians are violating more of the Bible than they are obeying. When our Christian culture claims to be "Bible believers", in most cases it isn't true. Many not only violate His principles but they twist them to mean what they want them to say and live as though it were true.

Matthew 15:8 "'THIS PEOPLE HONORS ME WITH THEIR LIPS, BUT THEIR HEART IS FAR AWAY FROM ME."

The gist of this discussion is that all true believer must study for themselves, ask the Holy Spirit to guide them and then boldly proclaim the truth no matter who listens. Most people will not listen, but we are still responsible to warn. We can leave their response to God.

2 Timothy 4:3 "For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires,"

AND!

The times we live in are rebellious and hostile to truth even in church gatherings. God said this would happen in 2 Timothy 3. Many believers are coming out of the organized church gatherings because they are being shunned for speaking truth.

2 Timothy 3:1-5
"3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."

The Foolishness Wears Me Out

Nehemiah 13:25
"So I contended with them and cursed them and struck some of them and pulled out their hair, and made them swear by God, "You shall not give your daughters to their sons, nor take of their daughters for your sons or for yourselves."

Do you suppose there were people who told Nehemiah that he was "judgmental, mean spirited, or cruel?"


Imagine the silly verbiage we use, being used back in Christ's time, or the time of the prophets. We really are a culture of wuses. Waa, waa waa, all I hear it cry baby tears over the most mundane and silly things.

Sorry, I just had to vent, people are dying and going to hell, believers are being beheaded and we are whinning about "how someones said something to us." Sometimes I get so tired!!!!

Communication is the Key to Any Relationship

To continually cogitate on sins, that God has forgiven when we confessed them, is the same as not believing God.

1 John 1:9 "9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

If we are not sorry, we are not forgiven, but if we have been broken and confessed, then God cleansed us, it's over, we have forsaken it, we can move on with a clear conscience.

If we are in contact with people who want to hold forgiven sins against us, then we need to explain that we have confessed, were forgiven and cleansed, and then move on if they continue to hold grudges about things that didn't even have to do with them. Sometimes relatives and acquaintances enjoy their skewed view of our previous life, they love to treat us in ways that elevate themselves and demean us. Those are the people that we need to put out of our lives, they bring no good thing to the relationship and even hinder our walk with the Lord.

I have met people who heard rumors about others, based on sins from many years ago, who hold those rumors against their target. Remember if something is a rumor, if we do not see it first hand, then we need to take it with a grain of salt, knowing that God changes people. The people we look down upon for rumored sins, may not have done the sin, the perspective of the person who repeated the sin, may have been flawed or the person gossiped about may have become born again and cleansed of the very sin others want to continue to hold against them.

If we love someone and we hear about a sin, we need to go to that person asking them to explain. If we do not go and clear it up, then we are choosing to believe something we are not even sure is accurate, this is not love. Those who want to believe evil about others without proof are evil themselves. If we did not see the sin and there is no evidence now that they are in that sin, then we need to dismiss it as gossip and continue as though it never was.

Gossip is not sharing what we know based on our own experience, Gossip is repeating something we never saw for ourselves based on what others have said. Repeating what we have not seen or heard for ourselves is often embellished and inaccurate, not to mention damaging to the reputations of those who were gossiped about.

Proverbs 20:19
"He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, Therefore do not associate with a gossip."

Ephesians 4:29 "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hearer."

Proverbs 16:28 "A perverse man spreads strife, And a slanderer separates intimate friends."

Those who love to believe evil about others when they have been forgiven by God, He calls "perverse." Hatred and jealousy are at the root of the "destroy and conquer" mentality of the wicked. Often what others "think they see" is not at all what happened.

1Corinthians 13:4
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it his not arrogant."

James 3:14-15
"But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic."

Our goal as believers ought to be to find out truth, believing what we did not see without evidence is a blatant and perverse form of murder. God says if we so much as hate our brother we have committed murder. To malign and destroy a person's reputation based on no evidence is hatred and the same as murder, the intentions to destroy them is murder.

1 John 3:15 "Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him."

The best friends to have are those who love us so much that they will choose not to believe gossip about us. If they see evidence that the gossip might be true, then those friends will come to us for an explanation. Those who refuse to communicate with the victim of gossip have hate and murder in their hearts.

May we be people who want truth while disdaining groundless and malicious gossip.