The same people who developed the "self esteem" teaching were also the foolish ones who concocted the "lean into your feelings" nonsense.
When feeling good about oneself no matter what the character or accomplishments becomes the goal of ones life the more they will focus their attention to how they feel rather than reality.
Feelings lie to us, they say things are good when they are bad and they say things are bad when they are good. We cannot trust feelings, they are based on personal desires not good sense.
I am glad that bridges and buildings are build on science and not on feelings.
Many people "feel" hurt or angry when they are corrected. When correction wells up the pride in us to feel hurt, then we need to ignore that feeling and that pride and concentrate on the meaning of what is actually said.
When good feelings are the goal then little is learned, there is no movement toward character improvement when we cannot hear a matter unless it makes us feel good.
Notice that often the one who corrects is accused of not saying something the right way rather than addressing "what" is said.
This is a typical response of a prideful person. They do not evaluate what is said. In fact they interpret whats was said in terms of their own feelings instead of what actually transpired.
These people will accuse a truth teller of not being kind when they were kind. The accusation of an unkind delivery is not accurate most of the time. When someone is honest and open desiring truth, they don't notice "how" it was said, they can see the words of instruction as worthy of evaluation.
Feelings distract us from the truth being conveyed, missing an opportunity to learn something new about ourselves and the ensuing change because of the lack of humility to hear.
Can we take seriously one who says I love God, while they are rejecting His truth, even lacking obedience to the truth? Anyone who rages at truth while accusing the delivery is a manipulator distracting the conversation from the real issue to blame those who are corrective.
We see this more in our culture than we experience humility and willingness to learn something they may not realize.
Another mantra we see as a distraction from any discussion is "you are judging me." A good answer to that might be, "lets get passed the fact that you feel judged and look squarely at "what" I just said." If they continue to rant deterring from the issue at hand, then is the time to leave the conversation. These are those who will not hear. Shaking the dust from our feat is the next action we must take.
Matthew 10:14 "14 And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town."
Proverbs 29:9 "If a wise man contendeth with a foolish man, whether he rage or laugh, there is no rest."
There will be no rest in an argument with a fool, they will engage in nonsensical circular arguments never resting on the original topic while causing chaos in the entire room. All eyes are on the fool, but sadly those in the room blame the one who corrects as to blame for the uncomfortable situation. The fools like this, they do it for this purpose and are often successful.
George Bernard Shaw once said this: "never wrestle with a pig, you will both get dirty and besides the pig likes it. "
God says it this way: Matthew 7:6 " 6 Do not give dogs what is holy; do not throw your pearls before swine. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces."
Wednesday, December 12, 2018
God is the Judge We are the Messengers
It is not the believers business to decide who is saved and who is not in the church. However it is our business to point out sin in the body when we see it. We might even challenge someone to ask God if they are saved because there doesn't seem to be any shame over sin.
Hebrews 12:5-7
"…5 And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, or lose heart when He rebukes you. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises everyone He receives as a son.” 7 Endure suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?…"
In Matthew 7:21-23 God warns us that many will think they are saved, only to be turned away when they get to the judgement.
Matthew 7:21-23 "21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’"
We are not to decide who is saved and who is not when they claim to be believers, but we can boldly declare their sin that has already been judged by God.
Hebrews 12:5-7
"…5 And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, or lose heart when He rebukes you. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises everyone He receives as a son.” 7 Endure suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?…"
In Matthew 7:21-23 God warns us that many will think they are saved, only to be turned away when they get to the judgement.
Matthew 7:21-23 "21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’"
We are not to decide who is saved and who is not when they claim to be believers, but we can boldly declare their sin that has already been judged by God.
The Rib was Taken from His Side
On another thread there was a discussion about the rate of divorce and the economy. Apparently someone gave statistics to show that there are more divorces when the economy is good.
Sure there are more divorces when the economy is good because splitting and making it financially is easier.
Not to mention in our day when women have left the home to make money they have considered that money their own. The man puts his earnings into the family kitty while the wife does not. This is often the case.
I have made some money over the years from my home, anything I made went into the family coffers just like my husbands earnings. What's his is mine and whats mine is his. That's how it works when two people become one in marriage.
When we become one in marriage, all aspects of life should be shared by one another. We do not do everything together but we work together for the household. If my husband is suffering I suffer with him. If he is prosperous we are thankful together. We share the decisions as well as everything else.
No one in the relationship in marriage should get all they want while the other has no choice in it. It is narcissistic to expect one party to make all the decisions and the other to trail along like a puppy dog without needs.
Sorry if this makes some control freaks mad, truth is truth. If you are controlling all things without seeking your spouses input and desires, then you are selfish and unbiblical. Man had a rip taken from his side, not the bottom of his foot.
Sure there are more divorces when the economy is good because splitting and making it financially is easier.
Not to mention in our day when women have left the home to make money they have considered that money their own. The man puts his earnings into the family kitty while the wife does not. This is often the case.
I have made some money over the years from my home, anything I made went into the family coffers just like my husbands earnings. What's his is mine and whats mine is his. That's how it works when two people become one in marriage.
When we become one in marriage, all aspects of life should be shared by one another. We do not do everything together but we work together for the household. If my husband is suffering I suffer with him. If he is prosperous we are thankful together. We share the decisions as well as everything else.
No one in the relationship in marriage should get all they want while the other has no choice in it. It is narcissistic to expect one party to make all the decisions and the other to trail along like a puppy dog without needs.
Sorry if this makes some control freaks mad, truth is truth. If you are controlling all things without seeking your spouses input and desires, then you are selfish and unbiblical. Man had a rip taken from his side, not the bottom of his foot.
Divorce and the Hardened Heart
"A genuine Christian after divorce will miss and mourn his family until he/she dies." John Wesley
Yes, when our arm gets chopped off our body actually responds with phantom feelings that it is still there. Marriage is like that too! When a living spouse is not with us we still have the sense that they are around because we are joined in spirit as one. Our spirits are glued with a spiritual glue that can never be severed by man.
Our Christian culture today does not understand this principle. The culture has become so hardened that they can hop from person to person as though there was no connection at all in the marriage. They are either in denial or lying to themselves to further harden themselves.
It is not possible to live with someone as a spouse and feel nothing about their removal when they are still alive......unless the heart is very hard.
Yes, when our arm gets chopped off our body actually responds with phantom feelings that it is still there. Marriage is like that too! When a living spouse is not with us we still have the sense that they are around because we are joined in spirit as one. Our spirits are glued with a spiritual glue that can never be severed by man.
Our Christian culture today does not understand this principle. The culture has become so hardened that they can hop from person to person as though there was no connection at all in the marriage. They are either in denial or lying to themselves to further harden themselves.
It is not possible to live with someone as a spouse and feel nothing about their removal when they are still alive......unless the heart is very hard.
They Won't Let Go
Trying to withhold something that someone never had is easier than taking away something someone has always had....much harder indeed.
Divorce and remarriage
Abortion
Self Esteem
And much more!
Back in the day when everyone knew divorce and remarriage was scandalous no one became angry when someone spoke against these things.
Now we have most people shouting "don't judge" when someone speaks against these evils. YES I said that, "these evils."
The 40's generation believes that abortion is a constitutional right, its not true but they believe it.
Anyone speaking against self esteem these days will be mocked, dismissed and ignored because they preach what the Bible says about self exaltation.
We are living in the last days full of deception, heightened feelings of superiority and selfishness. Nearly everyone now believes they have a right to be worshiped and pampered.
2 Timothy 3:1-5
"But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people."
Divorce and remarriage
Abortion
Self Esteem
And much more!
Back in the day when everyone knew divorce and remarriage was scandalous no one became angry when someone spoke against these things.
Now we have most people shouting "don't judge" when someone speaks against these evils. YES I said that, "these evils."
The 40's generation believes that abortion is a constitutional right, its not true but they believe it.
Anyone speaking against self esteem these days will be mocked, dismissed and ignored because they preach what the Bible says about self exaltation.
We are living in the last days full of deception, heightened feelings of superiority and selfishness. Nearly everyone now believes they have a right to be worshiped and pampered.
2 Timothy 3:1-5
"But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people."
Eject the Narcissist Who Attempts to Ruin Your Marriage
My husband and I could have named off pages of sins against each other over the years to justify splitting. Since we don't believe in divorce we worked through all of them. Now we have a great marriage of 47 years and getting better all the time.
Relatives even tried to convince my husband through favoritism that there was something wrong with me, but they failed because he has lived with me many years and knows me.
Triangulation is the term used for those who gossip to others warning them about another person without evidence of what they say.
Often the narcissist will build up in their own mind what they want to believe about their target, none of which is true, in order to justify their contempt for them.
If you are treated with contempt because you spoke the truth and the narcissist didn't like it, count it all joy that they are not in your life anymore.
Pray for God to deal with the narcissist while you move on to become the person God meant for you to be. Never allow the narcissist to interject into your marriage.
When the gossip flies and the hate progresses, it is time to move on to a new life without these destroyers of good.
Remember the feather pillow? The one someone took to the top of a high hill on a windy day and slit open to allow the feathers to fly? Yes that one! No one will ever be able to gather up all those feathers again, they have flown so far we cannot even see where they went. This is a picture of the effects of gossip.
One way to discern a gossip is the refusal to discuss their "concerns" with the one they gossip about. They even deny they gossiped when confronted.
Stay away from these people. They will accuse us of gossiping when we tell a trusted friend what was done to us, when they are the gossips. Accusing others of doing what the narcissist does but the others are not, is common.
Proverbs 19:9
"A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will perish."
John 8:44
"You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies."
Proverbs 14:5
"A faithful witness does not lie, but a false witness breathes out lies."
The favored mindset of the narcissist is to justify their hatred by convincing themselves of things that are not true.
Relatives even tried to convince my husband through favoritism that there was something wrong with me, but they failed because he has lived with me many years and knows me.
Triangulation is the term used for those who gossip to others warning them about another person without evidence of what they say.
Often the narcissist will build up in their own mind what they want to believe about their target, none of which is true, in order to justify their contempt for them.
If you are treated with contempt because you spoke the truth and the narcissist didn't like it, count it all joy that they are not in your life anymore.
Pray for God to deal with the narcissist while you move on to become the person God meant for you to be. Never allow the narcissist to interject into your marriage.
When the gossip flies and the hate progresses, it is time to move on to a new life without these destroyers of good.
Remember the feather pillow? The one someone took to the top of a high hill on a windy day and slit open to allow the feathers to fly? Yes that one! No one will ever be able to gather up all those feathers again, they have flown so far we cannot even see where they went. This is a picture of the effects of gossip.
One way to discern a gossip is the refusal to discuss their "concerns" with the one they gossip about. They even deny they gossiped when confronted.
Stay away from these people. They will accuse us of gossiping when we tell a trusted friend what was done to us, when they are the gossips. Accusing others of doing what the narcissist does but the others are not, is common.
Proverbs 19:9
"A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will perish."
John 8:44
"You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies."
Proverbs 14:5
"A faithful witness does not lie, but a false witness breathes out lies."
The favored mindset of the narcissist is to justify their hatred by convincing themselves of things that are not true.
Wisdom is Available but not the Money
Notice something about this modern generation of adult children? They want our money and our things but not our wisdom that got us those things.
I do not lend money to adult children. If we were dead they wouldn't have that resource anyway.
Adult children must learn to make their own way and figure out their own stuff.
By the way, if they wanted advice I would freely help them with the wisdom of what worked for me. They don't need money they need the wisdom, but sadly its the wisdom they don't want.
Asking for wisdom doesn't get them what they want, but the money will. So....the wisdom is always available but the money....not so much.
I do not lend money to adult children. If we were dead they wouldn't have that resource anyway.
Adult children must learn to make their own way and figure out their own stuff.
By the way, if they wanted advice I would freely help them with the wisdom of what worked for me. They don't need money they need the wisdom, but sadly its the wisdom they don't want.
Asking for wisdom doesn't get them what they want, but the money will. So....the wisdom is always available but the money....not so much.
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