Narcissism in families results when one party is determined to be special above everyone else. There can also be more than one narcissist in a family, often entire families learn to operate in this selfish way because of the influence of the narcissist.
This is often true when there is a narcissistic father and a scapegoat mother. The children learn to despise the mother for making boundaries and rules to protect the children from bad choices while attempting to train them to be loving, kind and selfless.
The narc father comes against the mother at every tern, while playing the friendly fun one in the family. Even though the father never takes the time to teach the children in important matters, he is the favored one because he is fun and gives the children everything they want without challenge or instruction.
A very sad result of this scenario is that the children become narcissistic too, continuing the pattern of narcissistic contempt for the mother. We see this a lot in our culture, sometimes it is the mother who is the narcissist and the father the scapegoat, but the result is the same in any case.
We are seeing much more of this with the onset of the self esteem teaching. Parents, whether father or mother, can destroy the training of the non-narc parent in very subtle ways. When a parent comes against another parent rather than upholding their authority, we most likely end up with children who have no regard for authority or instruction from anyone. The children learn to disregard whoever instructs them in whatever they don't want to learn. Pride overrides all good sense, while feelings and desire take first place.
Proverbs 1:8 "Hear, my son, your father's instruction And do not forsake your mother's teaching;"
Children will take the easiest and lowest road when faced with a choice whether to obey or not. It is vitally important that both parents make the decision to uphold one another's mandates and instructions. If there is one parent that comes against the other in the smallest way, then the scapegoat parent will have little influence and even less love from the children.
If you want to teach love to your children, you must first model it by diligently upholding the standards of your spouse. This is love for the children, to show them the other person matters by standing by them. Loving our spouse should be more important than having the worship of our children.
Monday, September 28, 2015
Same Sex Marriage/Divorce and Remarriage
The more I ponder the uproar on the part of Christians about same sex marriage, the more I sense a spirit of hypocrisy. It is obvious to believers and even thinking non-believers that marrying two people of the same sex is unnatural. We were created to produce children from a marriage union, which is impossible without unnatural human intervention.
Romans 1:20-28
20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.
21 For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
22 Professing to be wise, they became fools,
23 and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures.
24 Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them.
25 For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
26 For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural,
27 and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.
28 And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper, "
God told us not to judge another human being for doing something that we are doing too. I mention this in reference to immorality in general. If someone is committing immoral intimate relations, then we should express God's judgment about that, unless we are disqualified because we are engaging in immoral intimate relations ourselves, then we really have no voice for that sin.
Matthew 7:3-5
"3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye?
5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye."
The battle in our country has been for years to stave off immorality by speaking against it, whether it be same sex marriage or shack up lovers, but one very prominent sin that few will touch in terms of exposure to truth, is the sin of divorce and remarriage.
I don't believe God is going to answer our prayers about the dissolution of same sex marriage while we refuse to confess and repent from the sin of divorce and remarriage.
How many times have we seen in the past few months, Christians who stand against same sex marriage lose their businesses because of their proclamation that it is this union is immoral, patently against God's standard? A florist, a baker and others have been taken to the woodshed for their very public stand against this abomination. And I would agree with them, however, was their stand hypocrisy?
Now let me ask, how many of us have ever seen a stand against divorce and remarriage, public or otherwise? My guess is that the florist and baker regularly served those who were remarrying after a divorce, said nothing, even gleefully produced the products that would support and enhance the weddings of these people. Just a guess, but I think a valid guess since most churches will not preach against divorce and remarriage anymore.
The sin of immoral intimate relations started many years ago when in 1947 no fault divorce was passed into law, allowing anyone to get a divorce for any reason, even for no reason at all, termed, "irreconcilable" differences.
Where did we think all this endorsement of immoral intimate relations would lead? Did we think it would remain with only the favored sin of divorce and remarriage?
God clearly said in His Word, in Luke 16:18, ""Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery."
Did we think God was kidding?
The most misused and misunderstood passage in the Bible is the one that allows for divorce for sexual immorality in Matthew 19:9 ""And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."
The book of Matthew was written to the Jews who had the custom of requiring a divorce from the betrothal or what we call engagement. The words "except for immorality", in the Greek means "fornication" before marriage during the engagement period. In the Jewish custom when someone was betrothed, it was nearly as binding as marriage except if one party had been unfaithful during the engagement.
We don't see this same phrase "except for immorality" in any of the other gospels because they were written to Gentiles who had no such custom of divorcing from an engagement.
The words husband and wife were even used during the engagement period in the Jewish culture.
When God said, "the two shall be come one flesh", He was saying HE was making them one flesh, they were not making themselves one flesh by marrying, God was doing that work in them.
Genesis 2:22-24 "The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh."
Notice God said "the TWO shall become ONE flesh. Not three or four or six, but TWO. And then He said:
Mark 10:8
"and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh."
When God makes two people one, no man can break that any more than a woman can become a man or a man can become a woman, that was God's doing. No man can change himself into a woman no matter what form of mutilation he does to himself, and no woman can become a man no matter what she does to herself.
Two people of the same gender cannot produce offspring, a person who is one gender cannot change into another gender and no marriage where two people are made into one person by God can go back and be two people again. The only thing that separates the marriage couple made one by God, is death.
Please do not come to argue all the little problems or even big ones that come up in marriage as excuses to divorce and remarry. I have heard them all and they are all invalid. When we read the Bible, it is clear that God condemned divorce and remarriage after a divorce.
God gave us one instruction that should be obeyed if someone has been abandoned and divorced by a spouse.
1 Corinthians 7:11 "(but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife."
There are rare cases when there is physical abuse that may be reason to go somewhere safe, but that does not mean divorce is allowed.
Colossians 3:19 "Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. "
1 Peter 3:7 "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. "
1 Peter 3
1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,
2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses;
4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands;
6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear."
Physical violence against another person is not only sin but against the law of the land. When a husband or wife is abusing their spouse they should be turned over to the authorities to be dealt with, the church first and if the church will not do anything then the civil authorities.
I wonder how many divorces would be avoided if one party in the troubled marriage gave up their own rights, lived as God commanded in the verses above and sought God in prayer for their spouse, but even more than that sought God in prayer over their own responses to what is going on!
Too many people will not seek God in prayer for their spouses, but will rush to the courts to escape.
Remember God has a purpose in all things, even in our marriage encounters, difficulty shows us our inner self, whatever comes out in our responses is who we really on the inside. Scary Huh!!!!
We all need work, those who think they don't need work, are the neediest of all.
Romans 1:20-28
20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.
21 For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
22 Professing to be wise, they became fools,
23 and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures.
24 Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them.
25 For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
26 For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural,
27 and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.
28 And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper, "
God told us not to judge another human being for doing something that we are doing too. I mention this in reference to immorality in general. If someone is committing immoral intimate relations, then we should express God's judgment about that, unless we are disqualified because we are engaging in immoral intimate relations ourselves, then we really have no voice for that sin.
Matthew 7:3-5
"3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye?
5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye."
The battle in our country has been for years to stave off immorality by speaking against it, whether it be same sex marriage or shack up lovers, but one very prominent sin that few will touch in terms of exposure to truth, is the sin of divorce and remarriage.
I don't believe God is going to answer our prayers about the dissolution of same sex marriage while we refuse to confess and repent from the sin of divorce and remarriage.
How many times have we seen in the past few months, Christians who stand against same sex marriage lose their businesses because of their proclamation that it is this union is immoral, patently against God's standard? A florist, a baker and others have been taken to the woodshed for their very public stand against this abomination. And I would agree with them, however, was their stand hypocrisy?
Now let me ask, how many of us have ever seen a stand against divorce and remarriage, public or otherwise? My guess is that the florist and baker regularly served those who were remarrying after a divorce, said nothing, even gleefully produced the products that would support and enhance the weddings of these people. Just a guess, but I think a valid guess since most churches will not preach against divorce and remarriage anymore.
The sin of immoral intimate relations started many years ago when in 1947 no fault divorce was passed into law, allowing anyone to get a divorce for any reason, even for no reason at all, termed, "irreconcilable" differences.
Where did we think all this endorsement of immoral intimate relations would lead? Did we think it would remain with only the favored sin of divorce and remarriage?
God clearly said in His Word, in Luke 16:18, ""Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery."
Did we think God was kidding?
The most misused and misunderstood passage in the Bible is the one that allows for divorce for sexual immorality in Matthew 19:9 ""And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."
The book of Matthew was written to the Jews who had the custom of requiring a divorce from the betrothal or what we call engagement. The words "except for immorality", in the Greek means "fornication" before marriage during the engagement period. In the Jewish custom when someone was betrothed, it was nearly as binding as marriage except if one party had been unfaithful during the engagement.
We don't see this same phrase "except for immorality" in any of the other gospels because they were written to Gentiles who had no such custom of divorcing from an engagement.
The words husband and wife were even used during the engagement period in the Jewish culture.
When God said, "the two shall be come one flesh", He was saying HE was making them one flesh, they were not making themselves one flesh by marrying, God was doing that work in them.
Genesis 2:22-24 "The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh."
Notice God said "the TWO shall become ONE flesh. Not three or four or six, but TWO. And then He said:
Mark 10:8
"and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh."
When God makes two people one, no man can break that any more than a woman can become a man or a man can become a woman, that was God's doing. No man can change himself into a woman no matter what form of mutilation he does to himself, and no woman can become a man no matter what she does to herself.
Two people of the same gender cannot produce offspring, a person who is one gender cannot change into another gender and no marriage where two people are made into one person by God can go back and be two people again. The only thing that separates the marriage couple made one by God, is death.
Please do not come to argue all the little problems or even big ones that come up in marriage as excuses to divorce and remarry. I have heard them all and they are all invalid. When we read the Bible, it is clear that God condemned divorce and remarriage after a divorce.
God gave us one instruction that should be obeyed if someone has been abandoned and divorced by a spouse.
1 Corinthians 7:11 "(but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife."
There are rare cases when there is physical abuse that may be reason to go somewhere safe, but that does not mean divorce is allowed.
Colossians 3:19 "Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. "
1 Peter 3:7 "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. "
1 Peter 3
1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,
2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses;
4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands;
6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear."
Physical violence against another person is not only sin but against the law of the land. When a husband or wife is abusing their spouse they should be turned over to the authorities to be dealt with, the church first and if the church will not do anything then the civil authorities.
I wonder how many divorces would be avoided if one party in the troubled marriage gave up their own rights, lived as God commanded in the verses above and sought God in prayer for their spouse, but even more than that sought God in prayer over their own responses to what is going on!
Too many people will not seek God in prayer for their spouses, but will rush to the courts to escape.
Remember God has a purpose in all things, even in our marriage encounters, difficulty shows us our inner self, whatever comes out in our responses is who we really on the inside. Scary Huh!!!!
We all need work, those who think they don't need work, are the neediest of all.
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