Friday, September 25, 2015
The Golden Parent and the Scapegoat Parent
The narcissistic child who has a "golden parent" and a "scapegoat parent." The golden parent can do no wrong, there is interest in all that the golden parent is doing and no interest but only contempt for the scapegoat parent.
The golden parent is often the one who gave the narcissist everything they wanted, praised them continually and almost never corrected them.
The scapegoat parent is the one that set rules and boundaries. The scapegoat parent was continually disregarded in the rules by the other parent and the narcissist child.
Since narcissist is all about "themselves" all the time, it makes sense that they would choose the person who gave them everything they wanted while treating them like gods.
The scapegoat parent is continually mocked, ignored and demeaned at every opportunity while the golden parent is praised, appreciated and sought out for energy and narcissistic supply.
I have noticed that often there are several narcissists in a family, when one narcissist dominates over the family, they also bring alongside others who emulate them. There are entire families of narcissists who feed off of one another, while employing flying monkeys who believe everything they say and do. By "do" I mean that the kind deeds of the narc are done for self entirely. Those watching will believe their deeds are loving and kind, but those who are their targets know their gifts and good deeds are manipulation because the target is treated with contempt on a regular basis all other times.
Because there is false humility and a false persona that is demonstrated by the narcissist, he/she seeks to win converts to themselves through meaningless competition. They desire to appear better in every way, than all those who do not walk under their cloud of control.
The narcissists must win at all costs while demonstrating contempt and hatred for anyone who will not elevate them. Anyone who sees them for what they are, realizing they are manipulators and intimidators for their own glory, will be a target for the narcissist.
God tells us all about these people, they are called many things in the Word of God, 2 Timothy 3 shows us their nature and intent. God tells us to stay away from them.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "
3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."
Many of these people are in the church today, claiming to be grandiose persons of faith, through their false persona, they fool many people who either lack discernment or have been kept at a distance so as not to be able to get to know them up close and personal.
Luke 12:1-3 "
12 Under these circumstances, after so many thousands of people had gathered together that they were stepping on one another, He began saying to His disciples first of all, “Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. 2 But there is nothing covered up that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. 3 Accordingly, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in the inner rooms will be proclaimed upon the housetops."
The only people who will know the character of the narcissist are those who have corrected or disagreed with them at some point, these are the narcs targets and God.
There is absolutely no tolerance for correction, rebuke or admonition with the narcissist, since their character in their own minds is "godlike", they will not entertain any idea that they need work in their attitudes and actions.
Romans 5:1-5 "
5 Therefore, having been justified by faith, [a]we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
Those who will not listen to correction will regress in their growth if they are believers, or their rebellion may be an indication that they have never been born again. For the believer there will be God's discipline when we will not accept correction, for the non-believer there is hell awaiting those who refuse Christ.
Hebrews 12:1-11 "
5 Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
When we resist God's discipline, bailing out of everything that could grow us, we will remain spiritual babies. It is only when we as believers seek to be shown our faults and shortcomings, that we can grow in holiness.
Psalm 19:12 " 12Who can discern his errors? Acquit me of hidden faults. 13Also keep back Your servant from presumptuous sins; Let them not rule over me; Then I will be blameless, And I shall be acquitted of great transgression.…"
For those who refuse to hear the truth about their sin, this passage in Matthew may be speaking about you, it is worth your time to read it, ask God if it is you and pray to be born again, so that you will not end up in this condition;
Matthew 7:21-23 "
21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’"
The golden parent is often the one who gave the narcissist everything they wanted, praised them continually and almost never corrected them.
The scapegoat parent is the one that set rules and boundaries. The scapegoat parent was continually disregarded in the rules by the other parent and the narcissist child.
Since narcissist is all about "themselves" all the time, it makes sense that they would choose the person who gave them everything they wanted while treating them like gods.
The scapegoat parent is continually mocked, ignored and demeaned at every opportunity while the golden parent is praised, appreciated and sought out for energy and narcissistic supply.
I have noticed that often there are several narcissists in a family, when one narcissist dominates over the family, they also bring alongside others who emulate them. There are entire families of narcissists who feed off of one another, while employing flying monkeys who believe everything they say and do. By "do" I mean that the kind deeds of the narc are done for self entirely. Those watching will believe their deeds are loving and kind, but those who are their targets know their gifts and good deeds are manipulation because the target is treated with contempt on a regular basis all other times.
Because there is false humility and a false persona that is demonstrated by the narcissist, he/she seeks to win converts to themselves through meaningless competition. They desire to appear better in every way, than all those who do not walk under their cloud of control.
The narcissists must win at all costs while demonstrating contempt and hatred for anyone who will not elevate them. Anyone who sees them for what they are, realizing they are manipulators and intimidators for their own glory, will be a target for the narcissist.
God tells us all about these people, they are called many things in the Word of God, 2 Timothy 3 shows us their nature and intent. God tells us to stay away from them.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "
3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."
Many of these people are in the church today, claiming to be grandiose persons of faith, through their false persona, they fool many people who either lack discernment or have been kept at a distance so as not to be able to get to know them up close and personal.
Luke 12:1-3 "
12 Under these circumstances, after so many thousands of people had gathered together that they were stepping on one another, He began saying to His disciples first of all, “Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. 2 But there is nothing covered up that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. 3 Accordingly, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in the inner rooms will be proclaimed upon the housetops."
The only people who will know the character of the narcissist are those who have corrected or disagreed with them at some point, these are the narcs targets and God.
There is absolutely no tolerance for correction, rebuke or admonition with the narcissist, since their character in their own minds is "godlike", they will not entertain any idea that they need work in their attitudes and actions.
Romans 5:1-5 "
5 Therefore, having been justified by faith, [a]we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
Those who will not listen to correction will regress in their growth if they are believers, or their rebellion may be an indication that they have never been born again. For the believer there will be God's discipline when we will not accept correction, for the non-believer there is hell awaiting those who refuse Christ.
Hebrews 12:1-11 "
5 Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
When we resist God's discipline, bailing out of everything that could grow us, we will remain spiritual babies. It is only when we as believers seek to be shown our faults and shortcomings, that we can grow in holiness.
Psalm 19:12 " 12Who can discern his errors? Acquit me of hidden faults. 13Also keep back Your servant from presumptuous sins; Let them not rule over me; Then I will be blameless, And I shall be acquitted of great transgression.…"
For those who refuse to hear the truth about their sin, this passage in Matthew may be speaking about you, it is worth your time to read it, ask God if it is you and pray to be born again, so that you will not end up in this condition;
Matthew 7:21-23 "
21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’"
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