Emotionally immature people interpret feedback for their actions as personal attacks. It is impossible to resolve situations with someone who will not listen and only rejects the criticism out of hand to protect their ego.
A young woman was confronted by her mother with her rude behavior, and the answer that came back was, "I guess I am just the big, bad daughter." Notice she didn't deny what she had done, only that she saw the confrontation as a personal attack instead of an attempt on the mother's part to correct rude behavior. She misinterpreted the confrontation as hate and that the mother thought she was "all bad."
Since someone who is prideful needs to feel superior and all knowing without flaws, they cannot stand to be told they are wrong or in need of repentance.
This young woman didn't stop to consider what was being said at all; she immediately reacted to the challenge in defensiveness. Because there was no sorrow over her bad behavior, the stance of defensiveness over the years grew stronger than ever, causing a total breakdown in the relationship.
When a born-again believer has been confronted with a wrong they have done, their first response ought to be, "I am so sorry, help me understand what happened so I can make it right."
When there is an immediate rejection of the challenge with justification or denial, we know that intense pride is involved. Often, not only is there justification and denial there is also the subsequent punishment for confronting them, and next is the gossip to others their version of events.
This same person consistently demonstrated over the years an inability to say she was sorry to anyone; there was always an excuse, but never an apology. And, any attempt to resolve something was met with accusations and gossip to others.
When we encounter someone who will not resolve a problem with love in their hearts and a desire to build their own character through acknowledgement of sin and sorrow over the act, there is nothing more we can do to reconcile.
When there is no repentance for wrongs done, the heart grows harder and less likely to be able to humble themselves to admit the change needed in their behavior.
In my experience, those who love Christ and walk with Him daily rarely do mean things to others. If they make a mistake that harms someone else, it is not deliberate, and they quickly confess it because their heart loves the one who was harmed.
Born-again believers hate harming others even in the smallest ways. They live in a continual mindset of Christ likeness, desiring to be kind because they have the fruit of the Spirit of Christ.
Galatians 5:22-23
"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
Is the offended party forgiving of the one who did them harm? Since forgiveness is for the purpose of resolving a relationship when someone displays sorrow over the offense, the forgiveness in the heart of the offended party cannot be expressed to the offender. The offender is not expressing sorrow over the offense, so neither can forgiveness be expressed.
Luke 17:3-4 "…3 Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
However, when we love others who offend us, we treat them with the kindness and respect they never gave to us, this is not forgiveness. The relationship is not restored, and there may be a distance required to avoid being continually reoffended. Those who are not sorry are always repeat offenders because their mindset is one of control over others, never about reconciliation. Those who walk in sin, justifying it, will grow worse over the years until they realize their stubborn heart and repent to be born again.
Those who are confronted about sinful behavior and reject the one who is attempting to resolve things cannot be convinced by frequent or continual presence in their lives. We must walk away and leave them to God; He knows better than we what the offender needs to come to repentance.
Our goal and hope are always reconciliation, but this is not always possible with those who have elevated themselves above others. They have a drivenness to remain superior, which does not allow them close relationships and a repentant nature.
All of us must evaluate ourselves to see if we have any wicked ways in us. Those who do this will grow in holiness as they confess to God and those they offend regularly sinful thoughts before they become actions.
May every born-again believer pray for humility to walk in love and all the fruit of the Spirit continually.
Galatians 5:22-23
"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
