There are people at times
in our lives, that attempt to define who we are on their terms according to
their philosophy rather than getting to know us, basing their view of us on
God's standard. They have an idea of us that they prefer, because of their need
to control others. Who we are may not be bad or wrong, but in their estimation,
if we do not think like they do or act as they do, we are considered inferior
or evil.
Obviously as a believer, I am not saying we should overlook sinful behavior,
however, as far as personality and personal convictions are concerned, we
should not be judged by another person's standard, but by God's principles.
There are those in the church who make up their own rules, going beyond what
God mandated and judging the character of others on that basis. It is sinful to
evaluate someone on small matters that are not sin issues.
Even in the matter of sin, we should go to the one who is sinning with an
attitude of brokenness for them, purposing to restore them through truth. Everyone
sins, the objective should never be to beat someone down over and over again to
appear superior, but rather share correction, that the one sinning would return
to obedience. If we have to remove ourselves because someone rejects
correction, choosing to continue in sin, then we should feel grieved that we
have to move on because they will not listen, while continuing to pray for them
until God tells us to stop.
I knew of a woman who was judged and mocked as silly and foolish by someone
because she had more than one pair of brown shoes in her closet. This is a true
story, she was mocked and demeaned because a wise woman wouldn't need more than
one pair of brown shoes, according to the values of the one judging. The shoes
were different colors and styles, some were flats, some heels and some boots.
This woman purchased shoes she liked at garage sales, thrift stores and some
new on sale. She was a thrifty woman, all the household bills were paid, there
were donations to worthy causes, so there couldn't be a judgement that she was
wasting money that needed to go other places and the items in question were not
expensive. It is even possible that all her purchases together were less than
one expensive pair of brown shoes at a downtown shop. Nothing was wrong, nothing
needed to be judged in the matter of the shoe caper! But someone wanted to feel
superior, because they wouldn't buy that many brown shoes, this must mean that
the one who did was foolish, worthy of disrespect.
When we continually evaluate a person's character on trivial matters, there is
an attitude of superiority, the belief that if someone doesn't do like I do,
think like I do and want what I want, then they are not worthy of respect and
honor.
I wonder how many relationships have been destroyed because of continual
mocking, demeaning and dismissiveness by those who walk in pride?
When we are continually demeaned and mocked, it not only affects our view of
life, but can bring on physical problems as well as determine our own
attitudes. The more we are with someone the more likely we are to act the way
they act, say the things they say and carry on the mental disposition they
possess.
Judging trivial things is an unnecessary and excellent recipe for a damaged and
even completely destroyed relationship. When someone shows disrespect once or
twice we tend to over look it as a weak moment, but when these tactics of
demeaning occur regularly without restraint, then we are probably encountering
someone who has a problem with pride, desiring to control others to be shaped
into their own image.
God tells us to be careful to guard our hearts by choosing our companions
wisely. When we spend too much time with those who judge minor unimportant
matters, we tend to find ourselves doing the same thing. The very least that
happens is that we become worn out from all the foolishness, making us
downcast, ineffective for Christ and even less helpful to others. Someone who
demonstrates a pattern of verbal and emotional abuse, has one purpose in mind
and that is to bring us down to raise themselves up.
Proverbs 12:26 "26 The righteous is a guide to his neighbor,
But the way of the wicked leads them astray."
Proverbs 1:10-15 "10 My son, if sinners entice you, Do not consent.
11 If they say, “Come with us, Let us lie in wait for blood, Let us ambush the
innocent without cause;
12 Let us swallow them alive like Sheol, Even whole, as those who go down to
the pit;
13 We will find all kinds of precious wealth, We will fill our houses with
spoil;
14 Throw in your lot with us, We shall all have one purse,”
15 My son, do not walk in the way with them. Keep your feet from their
path,"
Proverbs 16:29 "A man of violence entices his neighbor And leads him in a
way that is not good."
Proverbs 22:24-25 "24 Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go
with a hot-tempered man, 25 Or you will learn his ways And find a snare for
yourself."
Our companions often determine our physical health. I am convinced that
emotional and physical health are deeply connected.
Proverbs 3:7-8 "Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn
away from evil. 8 It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your
bones."
Our mental state can effect our children from generation to generation. The way
we view life, the state of our mind, influences the attitude of our family.
Exodus 34:7 "Keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and
transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the
iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the
third and the fourth generation.”
2 Chronicles 17:3
"The LORD was with Jehoshaphat because he followed the example of his
father David's earlier days and did not seek the Baals,"
2 Chronicles 26:4
"He did right in the sight of the LORD according to all that his father
Amaziah had done."
2 Timothy 1:5
"For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in
your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you
as well."
2 Timothy 3:15
"and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able
to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ
Jesus."
Titus 2:3-8
"3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not
malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,
4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love
their children,
5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own
husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
6 Likewise urge the young men to be sensible;
7 in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in
doctrine, dignified,
8 sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to
shame, having nothing bad to say about us."
Our companions influence our attitude and life experience, it is vitally
important that we guard our hearts by choosing our friends wisely.
Proverbs 13:20 "He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion
of fools will suffer harm."
