When someone does not respect your boundaries they don't respect you. It doesn't matter if they agree with or like your boundaries, they are your boundaries. Those who are loving and respect you as a person would want to please you.
This seems like a small matter but it speaks to the matter of respect and boundaries.
He believed he respected his wife but others came before his wife when it came to her boundaries. I believe this because he saw her as an extension of himself rather than a separate person with needs and desires.
This woman had one desire that she was adamant about, she hated for people to take their shoes off at the door of her house when they entered the house. She didn't like the pile of shoes around the door.
The husband didn't particularly like the pile of shoes at the door but he allowed it in spite of the desire of the wife for people to leave their shoes on when entering her house.
He used the excuse that it was good hospitality to allow guests to do whatever they wanted. However, he forgot the principle that when we go to someone else's house we follow the rules of that home. We do not defy the standards and practices of that home.
There is such a thing as good hospitality, and that hospitality is according to our own customs. When we are a guest in someone else's house we do what we know would please them. Anyone who knows the custom and defies it is disrespecting that hostess.
There is such a thing as being a good guest too. When I go to someone else's home I do what they do. I have been to the homes of those who take off their shoes and I would take off mine in difference to their customs.
When we ignore the hostess and defy their custom we are showing disrespect.
If someone would not come to visit you because of your custom then perhaps we are better off not having a visit from someone who disrespects us.
When the hostess does not have the respect of her husband by not supporting her custom, then no one else will respect her either.
This same woman had trouble with her children because she would make rational and reasonable rules for the household and the husband would not support her so the children treated her with the same disrespect that her husband did.
Children will follow the leader of the home, the leader of the home is the husband whether or not he leads does not matter. His leadership is the pecking order and whatever he does the children will do too.
I get it, the shoe thing seems like a small matter, but it really isn't as much about the shoes as it is about the lack of respect toward the wife that determines the attitude of the whole household.
The woman was given the responsibility as manager of the household, and when the leader usurps her rules he is undermining the respect of the children for her.
Prov. 1:8
“My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother”
When the father ignores the rules of the mother he is actually usurping God, Who gave the woman the domain of the household.
Prov. 10:1
“A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother”
Prov. 15:20
“A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish man despiseth his mother”
Prov. 19:26.“He that wasteth his father, and chaseth away his mother, is a son that causeth shame, and bringeth reproach”
Prov. 23:22 “Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old”.
Prov. 28:24. “Whoso robbeth his father or his mother, and saith, It is no transgression; the same is the companion of a destroyer”
Prov. 30:17.
“The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it”
Our culture thinks they can defy someone just because they disagree with them. They lack empathy and kindness, the very reason they don't care if they demonstrate respect for their wives so that the children will love and respect her.
Often we see mothers who have been demeaned and ignored by their husbands are also demeaned and ignored by their children. It really is true that "more is caught than taught."
If the children see their father rolling his eyes at his wife, then the children will learn to roll their eyes at their mother. The same is true of the mother rolling her eyes at the father.
I speak of the Father's disrespect here because I am hearing more about this from wives. Wives feel disrespected by their husbands because the husbands will not lead according to God's Word when the wives dearly need the support of their husbands when they attempt to teach the things of the Lord to the children.
Remember, the leadership role will carry more weight with God than anything else. Those husbands who will not lead according to God's Word will be accountable for not honoring their wives in a way that causes the children to honor her too.
1 Peter 3:7 says, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Disregarding the wife's role as keeper of the home and the standard bearer of the household is defiance against God. It doesn't matter how small the matter may seem, the disrespect is clearly seen by others.
Any husband who will say; "your making a big deal about nothing" is the one "making a big deal about nothing." How hard is it to say respectfully, "thank you for letting me know you want it this way" and then enforce that matter with everyone else in the household?
