In marriage, when someone repents, and the spouse forgives, the impact of the sinful event diminishes greatly over time until it is only a faded memory and no longer a hurt.
The relationship becomes stronger than it was before, and the devil is put to flight. Hallelujah!!!!
If people would require accountability for offenses and the offender is sorrowful, then both parties grow emotionally and spiritually. Without this difficult process, no one changes, nothing good happens, and things even grow worse.
Reconciliation through confession and forgiveness is the only way anyone can benefit.
Sweeping things under the rug to merely feel better momentarily causes bitterness and further defiance.
We live in a culture that does not want to "work things out" through dialogue because it means we must evaluate ourselves and admit painful things about our character that need work.
What is missing is the attitude of "no pain no gain" in our relationships; the same mantra used for a physical workout is beneficial for character training in righteousness.
Colossians 3:17 "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him".
Nothing we do ought to be done for comfort, ease or personal gratification, all must be done to improve ourselves and our relationships.
Friday, May 22, 2026
Forgiveness God's Way
Thank the Lord for His system of relationships restoration. When confession of sin and brokenness occurs in the heart of the offender, the heart is changed forever.
When forgiveness is extended out of a deep love for the offender, then there is reconciliation.
When someone repents, and the spouse forgives, the impact of the sinful event diminishes greatly over time until it is only a faded memory and no longer a hurt.
People can and do change but only if there is a strong sense of hatred for sin. The person who forgives an offender is one who has sorrow for the pain the offender is going through and wants to restore them to fellowship.
Galatians 6:1-2 "1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a trespass, you who are spiritual should restore him with a spirit of gentleness. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Restoration does not happen by flippanly saying words, its a spiritual desire to make things right, to be healed from the sin and to heal others of their pain of hurt.
When there is indifference to the offender and the only focus is on sparing oneself, then there is false forgiveness with a selfish motive. We ought to care more deeply about the spiritual well-being of the offender than we do about ourselves.
If we care about others, we will inform them about how their actions or attitudes have harmed someone so they can repent and be cleansed while the relationship is restored and strengthened.
Stoicism and psychology cares only about protecting oneself, very little about the rehabilitation of those who have repented. This is why it teaches; "forgive for your own sake" instead of the model of relationship restoration God requires.
Luke 17:4 "nd if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
Let's not forget the part of this passage that says; "if the offender turns and says, 'I repent, ' you must forgive him."
When forgiveness is extended out of a deep love for the offender, then there is reconciliation.
When someone repents, and the spouse forgives, the impact of the sinful event diminishes greatly over time until it is only a faded memory and no longer a hurt.
People can and do change but only if there is a strong sense of hatred for sin. The person who forgives an offender is one who has sorrow for the pain the offender is going through and wants to restore them to fellowship.
Galatians 6:1-2 "1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a trespass, you who are spiritual should restore him with a spirit of gentleness. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Restoration does not happen by flippanly saying words, its a spiritual desire to make things right, to be healed from the sin and to heal others of their pain of hurt.
When there is indifference to the offender and the only focus is on sparing oneself, then there is false forgiveness with a selfish motive. We ought to care more deeply about the spiritual well-being of the offender than we do about ourselves.
If we care about others, we will inform them about how their actions or attitudes have harmed someone so they can repent and be cleansed while the relationship is restored and strengthened.
Stoicism and psychology cares only about protecting oneself, very little about the rehabilitation of those who have repented. This is why it teaches; "forgive for your own sake" instead of the model of relationship restoration God requires.
Luke 17:4 "nd if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
Let's not forget the part of this passage that says; "if the offender turns and says, 'I repent, ' you must forgive him."
You Shall Know Them by Their Fruit
Next time you hear a testimony about someone like this, remember what God said in His Word: That testimony is "I know that person is saved, but they have spent years in their old lifestyle and though nothing changed, but I know they are saved."
We can know the spirit of a person by how they choose to live every day. One slip-up does not tell us anything, but a lifestyle defending sin tells us a lot.
2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.'"
1 John 3:9 "No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him; and he cannot keep on sinning, because he has been born of God."
Matthew 7:16-17 "16By their fruit you will recognize them. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.…"
Galatians 5:22-23 "22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
We can know the spirit of a person by how they choose to live every day. One slip-up does not tell us anything, but a lifestyle defending sin tells us a lot.
2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.'"
1 John 3:9 "No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him; and he cannot keep on sinning, because he has been born of God."
Matthew 7:16-17 "16By their fruit you will recognize them. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.…"
Galatians 5:22-23 "22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
Accountability s God's Way of Reconciliation
There is a very wrong teaching about forgiveness that is being taught by nearly everyone these days.
They say forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. This is completely wrong and based on feelings and words alone.
God declared that forgiveness was predicated on confession of sin and was for the purpose of reconciling a relationship.
If there has been true forgiveness after repentance, then there will be reconciliation followed by an even deeper closeness in the relationship than there was before.
The purpose of forgiveness is not to keep us from becoming bitter, it is for the sake of the relationship.
God made it clear how confession of sin and forgiveness is suppost to work and what it is suppose to accomplish.
Luke 17:3-4 "…3 Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
People overlook this phrase in the Luke passage: "if they return and say "I repent."
We are commanded to bless our enemies, not to take revenge, and keep ourselves from bitterness, but this is not forgiveness. If there is confession of sin and forgiveness extended, then there will be reconciliation.
Too many people today believe all people are going to heaven because God forgives, even if they are not sorry; this could not be farther from the truth.
Psalm 51:17 "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."
This culture needs to stop pretending they forgive while still refusing contact with the offender. There is good reason to avoid those who are not sorry and even think they did nothing wrong defending their sin against us. However, forgiveness is not accomplished until the offender is convicted of their sin and wants to repent and reconcile.
If we obey God by acting with love and kindness, no matter what they do, then we will remain innocent, but this is not reconciliation; it is refusing to be manipulated into acting like the offenders.
Christ treated everyone correctly all the time, and most were not reconciled to Him. He never said to people; "I forgive you even if you are not sorry."
When Christ said on the cross, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do", He was not forgiving individuals; He was asking the Father to extend forgiveness to the world because of His sacrifice. Extending forgiveness to those who are repentant is far different from forgiving them when they are not repentant.
Acts 3:19: "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord."
God never forgives or reconciles to those who are not sorry! The condition for becoming born again is to confess our sinfulness, trusting in Christ to change us into a new creation, and desiring Him to do all the work in us.
No one will be reconciled to us or to God when they maintain their wicked attitude of remorselessness.
When we say to people we should forgive when someone is not repentant, we are giving them a false picture of how Christ forgives and enabling them in their sinful stance.
It is not unfriendly or unkind to withhold forgiveness to the unrepentant, just the contrary, it may help them see their sinfulness has consequences and it may even cause them to see the error of their ways and rethink their attitude.
Our world is growing worse in terrible attitudes and disrespectful actions because of the psychology that teaches the lie that friendliness is what causes people to rethink their own heart. Just the opposite is true, when we require nothing from offenders, we enhance their selfish and ignorant stance.
Proverbs 22: 24-25 "24 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man,
25 lest you learn his ways
and entangle yourself in a snare."
When we require nothing from others and they require nothing of us no one grows and changes. Holiness is either stymied or non-existent, everyone grows more evil because there is no accountability.
Satan loves this because it causes people to place pressure on the innocent party to forgive and continue with those who have abused them, or at least feel responsible to be or do something God never intended, while the offender is never told to repent.
Justice is important to God and it should be important to us too.
Micah 6:8 "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"
Isaiah 1:17 "Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause."
God did not write these verses just for the righteous; He wrote them for the offender too. Never ignore what the offender did and pretend your lack of accountability absolves them.
They say forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. This is completely wrong and based on feelings and words alone.
God declared that forgiveness was predicated on confession of sin and was for the purpose of reconciling a relationship.
If there has been true forgiveness after repentance, then there will be reconciliation followed by an even deeper closeness in the relationship than there was before.
The purpose of forgiveness is not to keep us from becoming bitter, it is for the sake of the relationship.
God made it clear how confession of sin and forgiveness is suppost to work and what it is suppose to accomplish.
Luke 17:3-4 "…3 Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
People overlook this phrase in the Luke passage: "if they return and say "I repent."
We are commanded to bless our enemies, not to take revenge, and keep ourselves from bitterness, but this is not forgiveness. If there is confession of sin and forgiveness extended, then there will be reconciliation.
Too many people today believe all people are going to heaven because God forgives, even if they are not sorry; this could not be farther from the truth.
Psalm 51:17 "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."
This culture needs to stop pretending they forgive while still refusing contact with the offender. There is good reason to avoid those who are not sorry and even think they did nothing wrong defending their sin against us. However, forgiveness is not accomplished until the offender is convicted of their sin and wants to repent and reconcile.
If we obey God by acting with love and kindness, no matter what they do, then we will remain innocent, but this is not reconciliation; it is refusing to be manipulated into acting like the offenders.
Christ treated everyone correctly all the time, and most were not reconciled to Him. He never said to people; "I forgive you even if you are not sorry."
When Christ said on the cross, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do", He was not forgiving individuals; He was asking the Father to extend forgiveness to the world because of His sacrifice. Extending forgiveness to those who are repentant is far different from forgiving them when they are not repentant.
Acts 3:19: "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord."
God never forgives or reconciles to those who are not sorry! The condition for becoming born again is to confess our sinfulness, trusting in Christ to change us into a new creation, and desiring Him to do all the work in us.
No one will be reconciled to us or to God when they maintain their wicked attitude of remorselessness.
When we say to people we should forgive when someone is not repentant, we are giving them a false picture of how Christ forgives and enabling them in their sinful stance.
It is not unfriendly or unkind to withhold forgiveness to the unrepentant, just the contrary, it may help them see their sinfulness has consequences and it may even cause them to see the error of their ways and rethink their attitude.
Our world is growing worse in terrible attitudes and disrespectful actions because of the psychology that teaches the lie that friendliness is what causes people to rethink their own heart. Just the opposite is true, when we require nothing from offenders, we enhance their selfish and ignorant stance.
Proverbs 22: 24-25 "24 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man,
25 lest you learn his ways
and entangle yourself in a snare."
When we require nothing from others and they require nothing of us no one grows and changes. Holiness is either stymied or non-existent, everyone grows more evil because there is no accountability.
Satan loves this because it causes people to place pressure on the innocent party to forgive and continue with those who have abused them, or at least feel responsible to be or do something God never intended, while the offender is never told to repent.
Justice is important to God and it should be important to us too.
Micah 6:8 "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"
Isaiah 1:17 "Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause."
God did not write these verses just for the righteous; He wrote them for the offender too. Never ignore what the offender did and pretend your lack of accountability absolves them.
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