We do not cause someone else's anger, anyone who rages at the drop of a hat has underlying anger all the time waiting for a false excuse to emerge.
The narcissist who rages wants us to believe we are all bad merely for questioning them or disagreeing with them. They perceive a disagreement as hatred, this is why we have so many crazy ragers in demonstrations now, they don't even know why they are demonstrating and breaking the things of others.
If the narcissist cannot attack "what you said", they will pretend it was the "way" you said it. They are liars frequently, they count on us not remembering how we sounded or play upon our sense of desire to be kind people and accuse us of what did not happen.
I have experienced this on a number of occasions in my life with narcissistic family members. The mean-spirited person insults us over the style of our hair or some silly unimportant thing, we say, "that was mean" and the entire room comes against us for making the rude person feel bad by calling their actions mean.
This is the sort of culture we are living in right now because of the false teaching that we should be understanding and give a pass to mean people who may have been hurt sometimes in their life in the past. But wait a minute.....That mean person just hurt someone else but they get a pass, why are they not chastised for doing a mean thing. So what if they were hurt before in the past, why does this give them license to do to others unrelated to the past, unkind things that were done to them?
By the way, the people I know who have been mean spirited and arrogant didn't have bad things happen to them in the past that would cause lifelong trauma, just the opposite, almost all of them were indulged as children, having tantrums when they wanted something while the parents bent over backward to quiet them by giving them what they wanted. In fact, the process of giving the blackmailing children what they wanted cast in stone their belief that all they had to do was rage at someone, and others would bow to them.
Yes, I said that; "it is emotional blackmail for the children to demand something, have a tantrum if they don't get it so that every time they demand something the parents know there will be misery if they don't jump to the child's demand. The parents who jump to the child's demands are training their children how to rage and demand from everyone, not just them. These are the narcissists of today. Of course, not all children who are indulged turn out this way but most do, the very reason we have so many selfish young adults and middle-aged children today.
This is a lesson to those who are raising children right now, also for those who are finished raising children and have indulged their children to understand what is happening and repent from former failures. It is also for those who did the best they could and in their human frailties were not perfect but their children chose their own way in spite of their stable family structure.
Only the parents can decide which way they raised their children. No one else can judge another person's family dynamics. The key is that we see what has happened and correct it as far as we are able while warning others with our many years of wisdom.
This life is not about doing things perfectly, it is about learning from our mistakes and sins that allow us to grow in wisdom and holiness.
God never excuses bad behavior based on the bad things that have happened to them. We can choose kindness and the other character qualities of Christ through the power of Christ by becoming born again.
It is only the devil who wants to give us excuses for our bad behavior and attitudes, this keeps us from changing into better people. The more we excuse our actions the more hardened we become.
Let the Holy Spirit soften our hearts through confession of sin to be cleansed by Him.
1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Romans 6:23
"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."
No excuses for sin, sin is death, we must decide if we want to be cleansed or remain stubborn.
