Back in 2010 this little guy ran up our tree in the back yard. I was reminded of him when I was browsing through old pictures. They are so cute when they are small but dangerous when they grow up. We had one passing through our yard again a few weeks ago, this one was very large. 
YES, I know people just like this!!!! Those who elevate them will not hear truth about them. They worship what they do not know.
If you are healthy and over 18 your parents are no longer responsible for you. You have finished your education now is the time to get out of your parents house and into the work force.
Parents who continually bring their adult children back into the house after they have moved out are not helping them. Its possible that parents who do this are selfish, the are more concerned about being lonely than they are about the well being of their adult child.
When we remove all struggle from our adult children's lives we are robbing them of an opportunity to mature. Struggle brings about thinking that produces solutions to problems.
The best inventions were created because of a need or struggle.
Coddling adult children is insulting to them. Its the same as saying "I know you just don't have the strength or maturity to make it on your own." This mentality sends the message that "Mommy and Daddy" will always step up and bail little Rusty out of his troubles at the slightest inconvenience. Personally I think its demeaning and insulting to suggest they cannot make it without their Mummys!!!
Its amazing how resourceful a person can become when they are faced with having to use their brain power to find solutions. When a solution is found they can feel a sense of pride that they worked it out.
When Mummy and Daddy bail out adult children they are robbed of that sense that they made it without having to revert to infancy in depending on their parents. Parents who allow their children to return to the nest after leaving are emotionally immature themselves.
By the way..............Aging parents should be cared for by their children not their children by their aging parents. In our culture of entitlement children have been taught to always depend on their parents, the opposite of what God teaches in His Word.
1 Timothy 5:3-4
"3 Honor widows who are truly widows. 4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God."
1 Timothy 5:8
"8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
1 Timothy 5:16
"16 If any woman who is a believer has dependent widows, she must assist them and the church must not be burdened, so that it may assist those who are widows indeed."
Ephesians 6:2-3 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
The command to honor parents does not end when we grow up, it continues until the day our parents die.
It is dishonoring to parents to expect them to foot the bill for a lazy child. We are not all capable of making lots of money but we can work at something and be frugal with the money we get. God will bless a child who works hard and diligently plans well with his money.
There are always blessing associated with honoring our parents and obedience in every other area of our lives.
1 Samuel "15:22 And Samuel said, “Has the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams."
If there is a tragedy that comes to an adult child not of his own making then he must return to his parents home placing himself under the rules and authority of that home.
A dear friend reminded me of this fact about born again believers that I could not have expressed as well. When we question ourselves to see if we have sinned in a relationship, we want to know if we were wrong and what we could do differently because we love Christ!
Trudi said:
"I too thought it was me......And then a friend said.....It is her monkey on her back....after some thought, I realized where the problem was.....I love.....this person does not.....I repent.....this person does not......I have Jesus.....this person does not.....And there you have it....We have nothing in common.....My prayer is that their hearts be softened to the Lord and then to us...."
If we cannot love someone unless they measure up to our idea of perfection, then there is no love at all.
When we love someone just because we think they measure up to our idea of perfection then we still have no love.
Love is not based on performance!
Love is an action and attitude! When there is a snarky attitude and covertly mean actions of payback for failing to measure up then we know there is no love in that heart. We can feel sad for these people and pray for their repentance.
Those who feel justified in being mean to someone because they didn't do what was expected, then there is self righteousness as well as a judgmental mentality that is condemned by God.
Let's take a look at Jesus Christ. He spoke the truth, did miracles for those who had faith and died for sinners while they were still sinners. Does this sound like someone who came to condemn those that were not perfect. He knew who was good enough or not good enough and knew no one fit that bill.
John 3:16-18 "16 For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that everyone who believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him. 18 Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe has already been condemned, because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son."
Christ will condemn those to hell who refuse to believe on Him, but that is not His desire.
2 Peter 3:9 " 9 The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some understand slowness, but is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish but everyone to come to repentance. "
John 3:17-19 "…17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him. 18 Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe has already been condemned, because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. 19 And this is the verdict: The Light has come into the world, but men loved the darkness rather than the Light, because their deeds were evil.…"
We must speak the truth with an attitude of helping others.
Just as we desire to have good relationships with everyone it will not be possible because of the hardness of hearts in the world.
Those who attempt to beat others into the ground, while gossiping behind their backs about things they know little about are not interested in helping. These people just love their superiority, even though it is not based on truth or knowledge to be able to discern rightly someone else's life.
Making judgments based on guesses are what the Pharisees did. They took half truths and lies to gather their "evidence" against Christ then accused Him of things that were not true about Him at all.
If you love Jesus Christ and are growing in wisdom you can expect the world to attack your character. You might even experience loss of friends and family members based on these lies. Christ did not escape it and He is perfect, we will not escape it either.
John 15:20-21 "20 Remember the word that I spoke to you: ‘No servant is greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will persecute you as well; if they kept My word, they will keep yours as well. 21 But they will treat you like this on account of My name, because they do not know the One who sent Me.…"
I have heard people say they know their alright with God because they are not being disciplined by Him. They say they are being blessed by God for not having difficulties in their life.
Be careful not to indulge the pride too much.
Hebrews 12:7-9 "…7 Endure suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8 If you do not experience discipline like everyone else, then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9 Furthermore, we have all had earthly fathers who disciplined us, and we respected them. Should we not much more submit to the Father of our spirits and live?…"
It is a promise from God that if we are true children of God we will be disciplined, chastised and trained by God through difficulties.
If you are not having difficulties from time to time you may be illegitimate sons.
If someone shows disrespect toward their elders or even peers who chastise them, then likely there is rebellion against God too.
Proverbs 13:1-2 " 1 A wise son heeds his father’s discipline, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke. 2 From the fruit of his lips a man will enjoy good things, but the desire of the faithless is violence."
Have you ever felt this way? The way I speak of is to question yourself and God to discern what is wrong with you that others would treat you with such contempt.
In the past when family was acting contemptuously toward me on a regular basis I was mostly hurt, wondering what was wrong with me because I didn't see what I was doing to deserve this rudeness.
I truly felt bad that the mean person couldn't interact with me in reasonable ways. It took years for me to understand that I was not the problem in the relationships in the family.
Then I began to pray that God would show me what I was doing to deserve these things. God showed me that it wasn't about me at all, I began to feel sorry for those who cannot feel special without demeaning another person.
I tried to talk to them and was met with rage so I gave up and moved on. For a long time I felt bad that there just could not be a reasonable relationship with them, but no longer felt responsible for it.
I don't want bad to happen to the mean people I just wish they would confess unless the hardship God would bring would soften their hearts. If they would ever confess I know I would be excited and could resume the relationship, however I don't expect that to happen any time soon. If God is going to bring about consequences that bring them to the realization of their sin then I could rejoice in that. God can do it but the hearts must bend at some point. God can lead the horse to water but the horse has to choose to drink.
The fact that I would easily receive them back into my life tells me I am not bitter nor ever have been. Bitterness is hatred and I know I don't hate them, I just have given up expecting that anything I do can change things. All I can do is pray that God make me what I should be and carry on without them.
I have no confidence that their return without confession could be trusted to mean they have changed. When we do not confess we have done something wrong then its not likely that there will be a change in the way we behave.
I am convinced confession of wrong doing is the first step in changed behavior. Those who don't think they did anything wrong will not be motivated to change. Not only do they not think they did anything wrong they will not question themselves or God to see if they have acted badly.
Just some lessons I have learned from my personal experiences.
1 John 1:9
"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
God clearly expresses in His word that no one can change without first repenting, confessing and desiring a change in themselves. God will not work in us unless we are willing.
Returning as though nothing happened allows the narcissist to be further empowered to begin where they left off. There is a habit that forms toward their target that cannot be changed until there is deep regret over the offense.
No one will get into heaven or have a relationship with Christ unless there is repentance. Relationships cannot be restored without sorrow over the sin as well as confession to begin the cleaning and changing process.
Our relationship with God works the same with human relationships too. We can be kind and loving toward everyone no matter who they are, but a "relationship" demands a oneness of mind, a desire for the same goals and purposes.
In Amos 3:3 God says that two cannot walk together unless they are agreed. If one person is continually pulling down the other over silly things or insignificant disagreements then there is no relationship. I would classify this encounter as a battle rather than a relationship.
Relationships are based on mutual interests and love, without these things there is only "acquaintance."
Relationships are far deeper than mere acquaintances they involve dedication, the deepest form of love. The inner heart of a person is known and enjoyed when we have a relationship, a connectedness that cannot exist in mere acquaintances. Most people today only have acquaintances but call them relationships.
We know that the idea today of "relationship" has only to do with spending a lot of time with someone. No real spiritual connection has to occur for there to be in a relationship in today's culture. This is why there is such a skewed view of what a relationship with Jesus Christ looks like.
Today many people who would say the have a relationship with Christ really do not. They do not care what He thinks, they pray rarely and never defend Him to others. In fact most of the time the modern Christian will neglect the subject of Christ entirely when in the company of those they think will be offended.
Matthew 10:33
"33 but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven."
God fashioned us in His image, all of the way the family operates is based on that image. When our earthly family rejects us as the Jews rejected Christ, then He moves us on to have our relationship with others who love Him. Just as Christ moved on from His family to the Gentiles. Then one day those in His earthly family will trust in Him and He will be restored to them. Those in His biological family who do not trust in Him will be destroyed in hell.
God has not rejected His family the Jews, only those who refuse to love Him will be removed and all those left will be those who love Him. This is the way the earthly family operates too.
When we love Christ all those who love Christ will be our family. Those who do not love Christ are not our family.
Luke 14:26-27 "26“ If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters— yes, even his own life— he cannot be My disciple. 27 And whoever does not carry his cross and follow Me cannot be My disciple."
There are many of you who have been rejected by your bio families just as Christ was, but because you are born again you gained a new and better family, a forever family full of love and support.
One day soon we will be with our real brothers and sisters at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb!!!!!!
Pray that God will make changes in your hearts that gives you the character of Christ.
When Christ changes our character to trust in Him more, then the things we tried so hard to accomplish in ourselves will become a part of our essence no trying necessary. They flow from us effortlessly and authentically.
Those who try to be good in the flesh are often phony. They are also often proud of how good they believe they are, but that goodness is not authentic, there is much more hiding inside ready to emerge at the slightest challenge.
Those who are hiding their self will by trying to appear good on the outside are a raging inferno on the inside ready to explode even when a challenge is warranted and proper.
Matthew 15:17-19 "…17“ Do you not yet realize that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then is eliminated? 18 But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these things defile a man. 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, and slander.…"
Whatever comes out of the mouth automatically is what is in the heart. One cannot rage if there is no rage already inside. Rage is the evidence that we are dealing with a very angry man. The anger is controlled to some degree until such time as a challenge is administered to this tortured soul.
Those who say we "should say things in a way that they will be received" are those who are hyper-sensitive to criticism themselves. Those who hate to be controlled by others tend to be the biggest controller of others. These people hate challenges from others but readily challenge others, usually inaccurately.
When controlling others is paramount in someone's heart then also is error in thinking they have a right to control others.
Romans 16:17-18
"I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive."
1 Peter 5:2-4 "…2 Be shepherds of God’s flock that is among you, watching over them not out of compulsion, but because it is God’s will; not out of greed, but out of eagerness; 3 not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. 4 And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.…"
Those walking in the Spirit have no desire to control others. We do have a desire to speak truth as well as a hope that those hearing will listen and consider what we say.
A desire to control comes from the father of lies. Control causes frustration and anger in those who are intimidated by these monsters. Those who are controllers want only to conquer those under them, the have no concern about the spiritual well being of those they dominate.
When we care deeply about others we desire for them to make their own choice to follow Christ. When someone is being dominated and forced to the ways of the controller the heart of the abused one does not change only their behavior to avoid the wrath of the dictator.
Jesus Christ never dominated or controlled anyone. He presented the truth and left the decision of obedience to the hearer.
Women and men have different roles, the men to lead and provide and the women to manage the home and counsel their leader. Neither one of these roles includes intimidating the other into obedience to Christ.
We encourage and pray for one another in the ways of God. The use of intimidation is not God's way. Forcing someone to do as they should does nothing except cause problems.
When we choose to obey God in our roles then the heart is engaged and it is pleasing to God.
When we obey the leader out of fear of his anger we are not obeying God but rather man to avoid the hate that comes when we don't obey them.
Women or men who attempt to control others are not led by the Holy Spirit, they are interested only in being superior to others.
Psalm 143:10
"Teach me to do Your will, For You are my God; Let Your good Spirit lead me on level ground."
Romans 8:14
"For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God."
Galatians 5:18
"But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law."
The narcissist doesn't care if one obeys out of fear rather than choice, they just like the power they have over others.
The born again believer would rather the hearer of truth would choose to honor God and us, then they know it is authentic.
We see no scripture that demonstrates a command from God to dominate, coerce, mock, demean or intimidate others into obedience.
If we are working real hard to be kind and loving then we are operating in the flesh.
When the fruit of the Spirit flows from us naturally without having to think about it, then we are being controlled by the Holy Spirit.
Galatians 5:22–23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
The character qualities of the Holy Spirit flow effortlessly from those who walk in the power of the Holy Spirit. There is no need to work real hard to make sure we are doing things right because the Holy Spirit is the One Who is working through us.
Galatians 5:16-25
"But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, ..."
Born again believers who are walking in obedience to the Holy Spirit flow naturally and effortlessly with that precious fruit. Their automatic response to life is the fruit of the Spirit, that is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, we need no law that we are trying real hard to obey, these things flow effortlessly from us because they are the essence of our being. They are the essence of Jesus Christ Who lives in us. When we fail in the flesh we feel the full brunt of conviction, know it immediately and confess to be cleansed a little more.
Galatians 5:25
"If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit."
I believe this verse is not a command to walk by the Spirit, it is a truth that if we live by the Spirit we will walk by the Spirit, not from compulsion as if to try hard, but as effortlessly as we breath, without realization that we were doing so.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were challenged harshly by someone but did not answer angrily in return? It was not in you to fight back because the Spirit in us gave us the proper response and that was not to answer an angry or foolish man according to his folly. We may not have known that our silence was Holy Spirit control, but we find out later that in the flesh we thought of all the things we could have said and wanted to say but they were restrained by the the Holy Spirit.
It wasn't that these things we wished we had said just didn't come to mind, it was that the Holy Spirit didn't allow the flesh to take over and control us.
Have you ever said something that came effortlessly out of your mouth without thinking that seemed like the perfect answer but you don't remember thinking it up? Then when it was all over you thought...."where did that come from, it was perfect and I didn't even have to work it up?
Those were times when the Holy Spirit took over and gave the answer for you, yes He actually used your mouth to speak Himself.
Sometimes the response of the other person to the answer is not always good, but the reaction has no effect on us at all because it was the Holy Spirit that brought the message and not ourselves. Therefore any response was not against us but against the Holy Spirit.
We know when the Holy Spirit has responded for us and when we responded in the flesh. I am here to tell you how wonderful and satisfying it is when the Holy Spirit speaks through us.
It is also very ugly and dissatisfying when we allow the flesh to have a even a moment of our response.
We cannot be at peace when we allow the flesh to have its head. There is peace when the Holy Spirit leads and speaks on our behalf.
When we are walking in the Spirit we are continually thinking about Christ. We are interested in Him, His principles and His heart. This is when we are controlled by the Holy Spirit. We can only be controlled by the Holy Spirit when Christ is our continual focus.
When something comes up in your life unexpectedly our first response to it will tell us how far along we are in our walk. If our first response to everything is "what does Christ want", then we know we are walking daily with Him.
The Spirit filled Christian will think continually in terms of Christ and His principles as explained in the Bible. This person will not be looking for loop holes or making up rules according to human wisdom. There will be a humility that drives them to seek the Word of God for the answers and stand boldly when those answers are found in His Word.
The Spirit led believer has no fear of rejection or persecution, they are living in the power of Christ, nothing moves them from their convictions.
Ephesians 5:2
"And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."
Psalm 119:105
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."
Psalm 127:1-4
"127 Unless the Lord builds the house,
They labor in vain who build it;
Unless the Lord guards the city,
The watchman keeps awake in vain."
We will be Spiritually prosperous growing in wisdom when we are fixated on Christ.
