"Never the less, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord." I Corinthians 11:11
"And, though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing." I Corinthians 13:3
Why would I put these two verses together in the same discussion concerning "God's will for leadership in the home? Without love, the leadership is nothing more than worldly deprivation. (deprivation: a condition of being deprived). I say it this way because so many men in the church think that leadership is simply barking orders, expecting obedience and becoming angry and vindictive when they do not get their way. Not concerned about the needs or desires of the underlings, they see to their own desires.
God told the woman to obey the man, he told the man to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Women are fragile beings in every sense of the word fragile. The Bible describes women as the weaker vessels, the words in the original languages, I am told, describe a delicate pottery vessel much like china. They are to be handled with care and love. God instructs the man to protect his wife, this does not mean that he dictates where she can go and what she can do. But as the leader he discusses with her, those things that may be dangerous and suggest to her a safe course of action. If she loves her husband she will see whether something is important to him or just a mild suggestion. She chooses to obey him out of deference for his position as the leader.
He should never demand or bark orders, but suggest with compassion. If she disagrees the man is obligated to listen and consider what she says. She is his helpmate, she brings to the marriage her own wisdom, given to her by God, that may enlighten the blind spot in the man's eyes.
Men and women think very differently, there is a reason for this. The woman has insight that the man does not have and the man has insight that the woman does not have, both bring intelligence and wisdom to the marriage, if they are walking with the Lord. If they work together they can move mountains. God says there is safety in many counselors. A man working alone, will not have the results of a woman and man working together.
God tells the woman to obey her husband in everything. The woman is to choose to submit to her husband, this is a command to the woman. I don't read in this passage or any other, a command for the husband to force a woman into submission, whether by subtle withdrawal of affection, harsh words or physical abuse. He must trust the Lord for his wife's reaction. This will take prayer and faith.
The man is to wash his wife with the Word. Most husbands in the church today are not doing this. They may read the Word themselves, and take their families to church but they are seeing to their own needs and leaving the wife and children to take care of their own needs. What can the men expect when they neglect the spiritual needs of the wife in disobedience to the Word. They can expect a wife who will protect herself, just as children will learn to do this when a father will not wash his children in the Word and discuss important matters with his family.
My husband has been in management positions from the beginning of his career. He knows that the best leadership is that which honors the workers, encourages them in their task and leaves them to do their job. The worst leadership are those who are micro-managers. Every detail of the underlings is constantly monitored. A micro-manager is one who believes he is the only one who is capable, leaving the co-workers feeling frustrated and oppressed. If a person is capable enough to be hired for a job, he is capable enough to allow creativity within his job without constant monitoring. Within the framework of the office, there are meetings where the boss explains his overall goal, some dictates for the accomplishment of those goals, at the same time allowing for creativity within each persons task. If a boss can not get his people to follow his leadership most likely it is because he is not leading in a way that motivates his people.
While the office environment is not exactly the same as the home, there are some good principles that I believe are Biblical.
A benevolent king is better than a harsh dictator. Who will the people follow with enthusiasm, most likely the benevolent king.
Thankfully I am married to a benevolent king.
If anyone is interested in my opinion on the submission of the wife, I can write about that, but it seems that there are so many resources written on that subject, that I thought I would write on the subject that is very often neglected.
If you go to the Internet and type in "wife submission" you will find far more articles written on that, than are written about the benevolent leadership of men. And, most of the articles are written from a man's perspective. I thought it would be good to have a woman's perspective to produce some balance.
If the men will be a benevolent leader, then his wife will follow him with enthusiasm. If wives will not follow, then the Lord is their judge and they will bring the natural consequences of disobedient children and a lack of God's blessing.
Everyone must do their part in obedience to the Lord.
Lastly, we must all pray for each other. If there is a disobedient member of the family, we can not force them into obedience of the heart. We must pray that God will do His work in their lives.
We are each responsible for ourselves before God. Let us obey Him no matter what anyone else is doing!!!
Blessings, Gwendolyn
