Coachability or Addiction to Attention

Anyone who is not "coachable" will not learn. Those who "feel" they are special think they know it all and will not be able to discern important things in life.

When someone has already determined their value to be above everyone else they will never be able to work on a group level. In a group, we are required to think of others, consider the opinions of others and even give up our own way to help make the group successful.

Narcissists isolate themselves with those who elevate them, leaving no room for others who know more than they do to mentor them. They remain emotional and spiritual infants who cannot learn new things.

Proverbs 18:1-3 "1He who isolates himself pursues selfish desires; he rebels against all sound judgment. 2 A fool does not delight in understanding, but only in airing his opinions. 3 With a wicked man comes contempt as well, and shame is accompanied by disgrace.…"

In a narcissistic culture people have accepted rudeness as the new normal, its alright as long as everyone else is doing it. Manners have no place in this sort of culture.

We are seeing a rise in this mentality of superiority and isolation through the use of cell phones and other electronic devices.

I have seen people who will go to lunch together and one of them is constantly looking at their phone for that narcissistic supply, fearful that if they don't pay attention to the supply on the other end they may lose them, but will not pay attention to the person right in front of them.

This has happened to me a few times in my life. One of those times I told the woman who was with me that I would be happy to leave while they spend time with the person on their text. She laughed, put away the phone and took it out again just a few minutes later when she heard that little "ding" that happens when we get a text.

I decided that I was not a priority with someone when they could ignore me while carefully not ignoring someone else who wasn't even in the room. I didn't go to lunch with this woman again and even slowly, over time, ceased contact with her.

I felt devalued, unloved, and dismissed, why would I continue a relationship with anyone who treats me this way? I get that the other person on that phone was more important than spending time with me and that is her right, but why would I run after someone who is with me but would rather be with that other person who is not even in the room.

Sadly this is becoming very common! People are fearful of losing the one on the phone but not fearful of losing the one who stands in front of them. I guess if you have a bird in the hand already you can ignore them because you already have them. But that one on the phone might get away because they are not with them.

It is no wonder that relationships are so easily discarded these days, there is always another bird in the cell waiting to be acknowledged.

I am so old-fashioned that I don't answer the phone when I am at lunch with a friend. Or if it might be important I answer long enough to say; "I'll have to call you back", while apologizing for having to answer.

Constant looking at the cell while with a friend is rude, sorry to have to say it, but it is the reality that "rude" is in fashion now and I am too old to accept it as normal or good.

Proverbs 18:24 "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."

Someone who loves their friend would never ignore them, dismiss them or demean them to show off how many other friends on that phone they have.

Proverbs 27:9 "Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel."

It is impossible to have a meaningful conversation while someone is constantly looking at their phone, just saying!!!!

Cell phones have created a mentality of addiction to attention.

A Form of Religion without Christ is the Problem of Narcissism

God described the problem in the end times that we call "narcissism." The word "difficult" in the original language means "ragingly insane."

2 Timothy 3:1-5

Difficult Times Will Come

"1 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.

2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,

3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,

4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,

5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."

Notice these people "have a form of religion", they are in the churches and others in the church are coddling them and often don't even know they are rude and disrespectful because the narcissist only allows those they don't like to see it. They hide it from other church members because they know it is sin to act this way.

In my experience, it is impossible to resolve anything with a narcissist. They will fight to their own death rather than give in to anyone else so that both heal.

No one can change their behavior when they are convinced they have a good reason for misbehaving, even believing it isn't bad. They will never admit they have a problem with rudeness, so we cannot expect them to become convicted of their sin.

Conviction of sin causes someone to change when they admit they have a problem with sin. Refusing to admit sin, even defending it causes hardness of heart. The longer someone resists confessing the more hardened their heart becomes.

1 John 1:9

"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Acts 7:51 “You stiff-necked people, uncircumcised in heart and ears, you always resist the Holy Spirit. As your fathers did, so do you."

Hebrews 3:8 "7Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says: “Today, if you hear His voice, 8do not harden your hearts, as you did in the rebellion, in the day of testing in the wilderness,"

In the account of Pharoah God hardened Pharoah's heart when Pharoah hardened his own heart. Those who resist correction and instruction are hardening their own heart and eventually, God will give them what they want and that is to further harden their heart for them so that they cannot come back from it, God makes it permanent.

This is why we see so many elderly people become worse in their old age, they have been hardening their hearts all their lives and one day they give up the pretense and the real them emerges. They do not become different as they grow older, they merely stop hiding what they have been all along.

Ephesians 4:18

"They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart."

May all of us who love Christ resolve to keep accounts with God regularly so that we learn His ways to obey them and so that He will not harden our hearts.