We have been told to forgive offenders when they are not repentant. This is the opposite of what Christ taught.
Luke 17:3 "3 Take heed to yourselves. IF your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and IF he repents, forgive him."
When we remove the step of requiring sorrow for sin, we validate and facilitate an attitude of entitlement without need for change in the offenders behavior or attitude. This is the reason so many preachers exclude the step of conviction of sin in their preaching while promoting a Jesus that winks at and overlooks sin.
God says this: Isaiah 26:10-11 "10 Though the wicked is shown favor, He does not learn righteousness; He deals unjustly in the land of uprightness, And does not perceive the majesty of the LORD. 11 O LORD, Your hand is lifted up yet they do not see it."
Satan knows the effectiveness of making an unscriptural act look compassionate to thwart God's ways and principles. Short cutting God's ways destroys the chances of a hardened heart to become softened toward God.
When we have faith we don't have to soft peddle the hard truths that sin cannot be forgiven without repentance, either toward God or in personal relationships. God's ways are the right ways, psychology follows after human desires while orchestrated by the devil to remove all guilt, all conviction and all real restoration.
Psychology's claim is that we will become bitter and angry if we don't forgive the unrepentant. There is no scripture that indicates this, we hate that the unrepentant will not humble themselves, because our desire to restore the relationship is strong. God commands us to forgive, but to forgive His way.
Simply "letting go", whatever that means, when someone will not repent, does nothing. It does not restore the relationship, it merely promotes superficial friendliness that keeps a wall between those who were harmed and the unrepentant heart. Nothing is fixed, nothing is resolved. It is tantamount to sweeping the dirt under the rug or throwing a sheet over it, rather than eliminating the problem entirely. It is similar to placing a bandaide over a gaping wound that requires surgery.
An unrepentant heart WILL repeat their behavior, having to confess to be forgiven is a deterrent to repeat offenses. The more we confess the greater possibility that the sin will be forsaken.
To not require confession is to disobey God's Word which does require it.
James 5:16 "16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man has great power to prevail."
1 Corinthians 11:29-31 "…29 For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body eats and drinks judgment on himself. 30 That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. 31 Now if we judged ourselves properly, we would not come under judgment.…"
We do no one any favors by forgiving before they have been broken over their sin. We help them to remain comfortable with what should change. Change only comes when conviction makes the heart heavy until one desires a change.
1 John 1:9 "9 IF we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
God does not forgive us when we do not repent and we should not forgive the unrepentant either. When a believer walks in pride and will not confess, then we are to remove ourselves from them until they choose to confess and forsake that which has ruined the relationship.
I have met many people who never change their ways because no one holds them to account for their behavior. They go through life believing God forgives no matter what they do or how many times they offend Him. These people count on everyone around them just "letting go" of their anger over offenses. We give them this sad view of Christ by incorporating psychology into our thinking. Doing things God's way is harder work with greater life long results.
When we forgive without repentance we do it so we will "feel" better. It is a grievous thing to have to distance ourselves from those who will not repent, but it is for the greater good. When temporary feelings are the focus of how we operate, we thwart that greater good in favor of superficial and ineffective means for our own personal comfort.
When our focus is Christ, we see things in terms of the eventual outcome rather than temporary superficial feelings, we see the possibility of a changed heart toward God, perhaps even salvation because of the burden of guilt that is God ordained for those who are in sin.
The greatest love toward anyone is to promote confession as God does. Forgiving when there is repentance and remaining open and honest, working out problems rather than sweeping dirt under the rug, only to surface later.
