What Narcissists Misunderstand About Love | Dr. Les Carter

Narcissism is growing in our culture and is quite astounding.

Those who have strong narcissistic tendencies do not love anyone. Their concept of love is friendliness toward those who make them feel tingly and happy. This love is based on their own feelings not on the needs of others and definitely not on the desires of others.

Narcissists see the desires of others as a bother to them. They will only fulfill the desire of another person if doing so ultimately ends up elevating them personally.

I have known many narcissists and all their good deeds are done in front of others to be seen for personal praise.

Matthew 6:1-2 "1“Be careful not to perform your righteous acts before men to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. 2 So when you give to the needy, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. Truly I tell you, they already have their full reward.…"

Matthew 23:4-6 "…4 They tie up heavy, burdensome loads and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them. 5 All their deeds are done for men to see. They broaden their phylacteries and lengthen their tassels. 6They love the places of honor at banquets, the chief seats in the synagogues,…"

Love God's way looks like this:

1 Corinthians 13:4–8a Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth."

When someone loves another person they never negate them, ignore them, dismiss them, or rage at them, but just the opposite of all these things are seen when someone loves another person. When we love someone we enjoy seeing them succeed at whatever they are doing. We allow each person to develop their talents and personalities as they grow, and we love to see it.

Agape love shows grief when the one we love fails, it demonstrates joy and happiness when our loved one confesses sin to be cleansed. The love of God never glories in the failures of others.

Narcissists glory in the failures of those of whom they are jealous and never let them forget their flaws and sins even after they are confessed and forgiven.

Narcissists love gossip that ruins the lives of their targets. They often start the gossip based on scanty information and guesses they wish to believe.

Narcissists choose ideas they wish to believe about their target and pass them on as facts to others. They treat their target with contempt after managing to convince themselves of things that are not true. In the mind of a narcissist, if they believe something that makes it a fact.

When we see people who operate on a regular basis in ways that show their jealousy and anger we are told to remove ourselves from them. We cannot change anyone no matter how much love we throw at them. They will become even angrier at the love, even twisting our good deeds to seem bad.

Matthew 7:6 " 6 Do not give dogs what is holy; do not throw your pearls before swine. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces. "

It doesn't matter how much we love the narcissist, that love will not change them. Jesus Christ must reach them His way if they are able to be reached, only God knows what that way is for each individual.

Never allow another person to nag you into remaining friends with someone who is a narcissist. Those who do this do not understand the dynamic of narcissism and cannot be helpful to us.

God tells us clearly in His word the nature of narcissism and that we should avoid them.

2 Timothy 3:1-5 Ragingly insane times will come.

"3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."

We can pray for narcissists if we wish while we are removing ourselves from them.

Verse 5 says they can be religious, but not born-again, they have their own form of religion but have never known Christ. We are seeing many of these kinds of people in the pews today.

We need to be aware of them so that we do not surround ourselves with them thinking we can change them. When our circle of friends is as described in 2 Timothy 3 we will eventually become like them.

We must protect our walk with Christ through relationships that are traveling the same path, believing the same ways that we do, the way of the Bible.

Proverbs 13:22 "20 He who walks with the wise will become wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed. "

I see many "Christians" today who are superficial and uninterested in discussions about the Lord because they love the superficial life and walking with others who are also superficial. If we want a deeper walk we must seek for our friends those who love the Word of God and who love one another.

John 13:34-35 "…34 A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you also must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.”