When encountering a narcissistic controller, it is best to calmly state the truth, when they explode, calmly repeat it again and if they become over the top, then just calmly walk away.
Notice the word "calmly." Upsetting us is the goal of the arguer, so we must not give them what they are wanting.
The reason people use an explosion is to intimidate, is to cause frustration. When they see that their tactic has not worked they will be embarrassed and either stop or leave. We can stand our ground, without addressing their response and continue to calmly state our case.
The purpose of an explosion is to cause others to be out of control, for some strange reason, it makes the person who intimidated ,feel in control of others.
We must be confident that we are right and that we did nothing wrong. Often when someone explodes we assume we must have been offensive. Our confidence in what we are saying is important.
I was treated this way for many years with a narcissistic brother. They have the ability to make an insecure person feel stupid when they did or said nothing wrong.
A narcissist will elevate their voice, mock what you said no matter how insignificant it was, while speaking and acting superior to their victim.
Those who feel a need to dominate others will use an elevated voice to gain control over their victim, feeling empowered when they have managed to cause anger in their target.
God gave us some guidelines for dealing with these kind of people. When someone displays this mentality regularly and especially around you when they don't do it to others they think they respect, then we have a Scripture we can follow that helps us remain confident, in control and calm.
Proverbs 26:4 "Do not answer a fool according to his folly, Or you will also be like him."
And, Proverbs 22:24 "Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man,"
Sometimes we live with these people and cannot get away from them, as was my case with a brother. In these situations it is best to never allow them to anger us or get caught up in their push to fight. Leaving their presence whenever they begin their foolishness, going away to a room to pray, is the best action to take.
Proverbs 14:7 - "Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not [in him] the lips of knowledge."
Fighters, mockers, and intimidaters, will work on us until they see they can have no control over our emotions or reactions. The best thing to do is to never "react", but to calmly state the truth and leave the room for them to have no one to fight with.
God never said that we have to make another person understand. He gave us many guidelines about what to do when a person will not listen, one of those guidelines is to shake the dust from our feet.
We can live in peace when we do not keep company with those who are hell bent on arguing or fighting to win, rather than interested in truth.
Discussing to find the truth is far different from fighting and arguing to be the victor.
We are going to see more of this silliness perpetrated by arguers, because our world is becoming increasingly narcissistic and irrational. It is important that we walk closely with the Lord and guard our time, spending as little time as possible with those who are sent by Satan to ruin our joy and peace.
May the Holy Spirit guide all of us as we encounter the minions of darkness who control the mouths and hearts of the rebellious.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
"God Gave Us A Brain"? Yikes!
"God Gave Us A Brain" Who Do We Think We Are?
To believers who have been changed into a New Creation by Christ.
John 14:16-17
16 "And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you."
Why would we try to figure out things with our own minds, when we have God Who created the universe, living inside of us? God, Who created our very bodies, Who knows the end from the beginning, the details of our past and our future!
We are terribly prideful sometimes, we think we don't have to consult with God because we are convinced of our own abilities without even knowing the future, we tell God what He should do expecting Him to give us what we want.
I wonder sometimes if God laughs at us as we tell Him what He should do, when He knows perfectly what should be done. Instead of asking Him to show us what we need to be doing, we instruct Him as a two year old child would attempt to instruct his parents.
We must look very silly to God at times.
We think we are so intelligent, forgetting that God knows things we could never know, even our own hearts, He knows, we do not have the ability to look at our own hearts in truth. We have an elevated opinion of ourselves that must make the Lord shake His head.
It must be insulting at times for the Lord, when His children boldly and brazenly command Him to do what they want, when the Lord knows what is best.
John 14:16-17
16" And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you."
The Helper, the Holy Spirit is not someone living in us to do our bidding like a puppet on a string. He is living in us to be our adviser, a coach Who continually tells us what to do and when to do it and which way to go. He is God, with all knowledge and perfect wisdom.
Galatians 3:3 "Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?"
I have heard it said that "God gave us a brain", in reference to being able to think things through on our own. This is nothing more than an excuse to trust in ourselves, rather than admitting our inadequacy and trusting in Christ Who lives in us in the form of the Holy Spirit.
We have a corrupted brain, we have talents and practical knowledge, but it is tainted by sin and the flesh.
To believers who have been changed into a New Creation by Christ.
John 14:16-17
16 "And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you."
Why would we try to figure out things with our own minds, when we have God Who created the universe, living inside of us? God, Who created our very bodies, Who knows the end from the beginning, the details of our past and our future!
We are terribly prideful sometimes, we think we don't have to consult with God because we are convinced of our own abilities without even knowing the future, we tell God what He should do expecting Him to give us what we want.
I wonder sometimes if God laughs at us as we tell Him what He should do, when He knows perfectly what should be done. Instead of asking Him to show us what we need to be doing, we instruct Him as a two year old child would attempt to instruct his parents.
We must look very silly to God at times.
We think we are so intelligent, forgetting that God knows things we could never know, even our own hearts, He knows, we do not have the ability to look at our own hearts in truth. We have an elevated opinion of ourselves that must make the Lord shake His head.
It must be insulting at times for the Lord, when His children boldly and brazenly command Him to do what they want, when the Lord knows what is best.
John 14:16-17
16" And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you."
The Helper, the Holy Spirit is not someone living in us to do our bidding like a puppet on a string. He is living in us to be our adviser, a coach Who continually tells us what to do and when to do it and which way to go. He is God, with all knowledge and perfect wisdom.
Galatians 3:3 "Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?"
I have heard it said that "God gave us a brain", in reference to being able to think things through on our own. This is nothing more than an excuse to trust in ourselves, rather than admitting our inadequacy and trusting in Christ Who lives in us in the form of the Holy Spirit.
We have a corrupted brain, we have talents and practical knowledge, but it is tainted by sin and the flesh.
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