No Expectations, No Disappointment

I have learned over the years not to have expectations of others. When we expect others to act the way we want them to act we are often disappointed.

We are disappointed because we are not taking into account their personalities, what God wants them to do or what is good for others. In reality, our expectations are all about ourselves and what we want.

When we learn to choose not to have expectations we will be much more peaceful and able to be giving freely when nothing is returned.

Our peace must be in Christ alone, not in what others around us are doing. Expectations only build sadness and resentment when they are not met. Again, the self is at the root of our fleshly expectations.

As a born-again believer, I expect God's promises because He said them and He never breaks a promise. However, human beings let one another down all the time. If we don't expect anything then we will not be sad or disappointed. Also, as born-again believers we know if something happens we have no control over then God has orchestrated it for our good.

Having said this I must make one exception, that is a spouse. We have a right to expect certain things from a spouse, but if they do not come through then we must give it to God and carry on as though we never expected it.

Love is not always easy but it is a command of God.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

"4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. 5 It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, 6 it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

The Wife a Coach as well as Lover

A wife is the "helpmate" that is "coach" of her husband sort of like the DCPI of the police commissioner, advising him on matters to help him think about all the nuances of life.

A husband and wife have differing perspectives, that's why they came together, to add something to themselves that they would not otherwise have. Each needs one another to have a whole picture. With only one there is half the equation, with two there is a whole.

We are two different personalities, two different genders coming from different backgrounds, it is silly to think that there will not be conflicts to discuss and work out in order to come closer to that "oneness" experience.

Having been married more than 50 years now I can tell you that each disagreement and resolution brought a little more spiritual and emotional growth.

This can only happen if two people who are married choose to love one another God's way and forgive God's way. When there is an injury the one who sinned confesses to God and to their spouse and the offended spouse forgives. Sometimes both say mean and rude things in an argument and both must confess and forgive.

The ultimate good is for both to turn to God, but if one will not then the one who wants to obey God does it by themselves and prays for God to make them what they should be, leaving their spouse to God to attend to.

I used to hear in the 1970's "it is better to divorce than to fight all the time", I say balderdash!!!!!! When anyone said this foolishness to me I said; "there is another solution, why doesn't one of you just stop fighting." It only takes one to stop for the argument to stop. Pride on both sides is what keeps arguments going.

And I might add, most struggles are insignificant, easily resolved if one party would just let go of their pride.

Proverbs 16:18

"18 Pride goes before destruction,

and a haughty spirit before a fall."

Lastly, learn to have a sense of humor over our quirks, accepting our spouse as an interesting person instead of an irritating one. After all, we are all irritating at times and we can be very interesting if we live within the personality God gave us and not according to the expectations of the people around us. Just a thought!!!!

Narcissists in the Church Gathering

If anyone comes to you and attempts to rage and intimidate you for not thinking like them, get away, you are dealing with a "Hitler" type.

Those who will not allow any thoughts spoken from others they do not like, are deeply demonic.

One of the devil's most used tactic is to shame anyone who brings scripture to the discussion. He hates God and he hates God's word, so he works to silence believers through intimidation, mocking and lies.

Anyone who allows it is a flying monkey, in other words they affirm the narcissist tactics by their silence. They have a fear of man instead of a dedication to God and principles.

When we stand by and watch a devil harm a brother in Christ without defending our brother, we are affirming the narcissist's vitriol.

1 John 4:20

"If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen."

1 Peter 1:22

"Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart,"

Psalm 82:4

"Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.”

Romans 12:9

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good."

1 John 3:14

"We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death."

We know there is no love when someone rages refusing to allow others to speak in order that his false doctrine prevails.

We know there is no salvation when someone rages and refused to answer the question; "have you been born again." A born-again believer will answer that question with pleasure and joy boldly without anger.

A person who rages at the question does not know what salvation is and is attempting to hide their ignorance by raging. Rage is a diversion to avoid answering and make onlookers think we did something wrong because the person raged. It is a very common tactic of the devil.

If someone rages because they were asked a question it is because they don't know the answer and are angry that they might have to submit in answering.

To the narcissist a question that they cannot answer, in their mind, shows them weak if they submit with an answer.

Ephesians 5:21-6:4

"21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God."

Everyone in the body of Christ is commanded to submit to others regularly, its what love is all about.

Ephesians 5:21: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. "

1 John 4:8: "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. "

Corinthians 13:13: "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love."

What does love look like?

1 Corinthians 13:4–8a "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth."

Narcissists rejoice when they have forced someone to back down because of their rages. This is not love, it is also not love to allow only their own opinion to be spoken freely while diminishing others to keep the favored alpha dog status.

When we read about love in the Bible we see it is opposing anything resembling the rage of a narcissist.

Brothers and Sisters keep looking up, we are going to encounter more of this raging as the end nears. Let us not be guilty of becoming like the ragers. We must speak the truth boldly but not be drawn into the narcissist trap of fighting back, we are commanded not to throw our pearls in front of swine.

Matthew 7:6 " 6 Do not give dogs what is holy; do not throw your pearls before swine. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces. "

When we discover we have been engaging with a narcissist or group of narcissists we must remove ourselves and avoid them.

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What the Bible Says about Covert Christian Narcissists