The humble person is unaffected by those who would not agree with them, they are secure within themselves, they feel no need to attack or demean anyone simply because they disagree. There is no sense of feeling the need to be above anyone else.
The narcissist must destroy those who do not agree with them or have intimated in any way that they don't know everything and are in need of instruction.
If you have a good idea and you express it to the narcissist, if we are the target of contempt, the narcissist will pretend to dislike the idea, but later use it claiming that it was their own from the beginning.
The narc must act as though all good ideas come from them, that the target can do no right. The favored people of the narc are elevated to god like status, any criticism of those people will be met with covert tactics of demeaning to knock down the target. Narcissists have idols in their life in the form of people of power, education or career status. They cannot tolerate close friends who are not "special", unless that lower person worships them.
Sadly narcs cannot have anyone in their life as a primary friend, who does not elevate them, fawn over them or think of them as gurus to seek out for advice. The narc cannot play second fiddle to anyone ever. They must be the center of attention while dismissing anyone who does not make them that center.
Anyone who dares to be confident in their own right, will be a target. The narc cannot stand that someone thinks for themselves, makes their own decisions, without their input. They are also uncomfortable around those who have joy and display happiness. There is the sense in the narc that they must do something to undermine that happiness, often by rejecting the advice or accomplishments of the one for which they have contempt.
I have had narcs in my life who thought they could control our marriage by elevating my husband and demeaning me for the purpose of devaluing and hurting me. Thankfully our marriage is strong and they only managed to expose themselves for what they were.
In their mind, if they could get my husband to think as contemptuously of me as they do, then they have won in negating me completely. One way they do this is to do demeaning and disrespectful things covertly, out of sight of my husband, expecting my husband not to believe me when I tell him what happened.
One of the favored manipulations of the devil has the potential of destroying families. If he can ruin relationships in families through lies, deceptions and covert meanness, he can undermine our Christian witness.
There is a movie that all old movie buffs would recognize, it's called "Gaslight." It is the story of a husband who tried to drive his wife insane by doing strange things, blaming them on her, causing her to believe she was losing her mind. These are the same tactics of the narcissist. If they can get their target to believe they are making a big deal out of nothing, the narc can appear level headed, innocent and shocked, while the target is left confused and even doubting what they know they saw.
One of the tactics of the narcs in my life, was to come right out and say "I don't respect you, but I respect him." They didn't have anything to disrespect, they just hated that I was not easily manipulated or controlled by them.
Narcissists cannot stand those who understand what they are, those who know them and what they are doing are sought out for further narcissistic abuse. Of course there is a continuum, some will be worse than others, but no matter, it is all sin.
This is an attempt to make me look petty and crazy. When these things continue to happen on a regular basis, we know we have encountered a "covert narcissist."
We see this increasing in our culture because of the self-esteem teaching that has led the next generation to believe they don't have to respect anyone they don't want to respect. They have been taught all their life how wonderful they are and think they can demean and pick on anyone who does not make them special.
I cannot tell you the number of times I have encountered young people who rage when they are told they are wrong, or who become very upset when corrected or instructed. It is anathema to this generation for anyone to suggest that they are in need of attitude adjustment.
The Lord is slowly removing from our lives these self-proclaimed gods who claim we are evil when in fact they are the evil ones. I have said it many times in my writings, the devils' favorite tactic is to accuse us of doing the very thing the narcissist is doing but we are not.
Narcissists dream up offenses toward others to hide their own sin. It's akin to the mentality, "get them before they discover us."
I see clearly now how the devil is using the 2 Timothy 3 tactics to come after the believer. Those who speak against sin and disobedience will be targeted for cruelty for refusing to buckle to the whims of the narcissist, even over the smallest and most insignificant matters. Narcissists always major on the minors and minor on the majors.
One of another favored tactic of the narc is to intimidate others to do and be what they want, there is no choice with a narc, we either become what they want us to be or they begin the attacks on us.
A very good example of this is the campaign to indoctrinate the culture into accepting homosexuality. The powers that be, will punish, demean and mock those who do not think as they want them to think. This dynamic is not only in the liberal organizations, but also among family members.
The principles that we can disagree and still love one another are gone. Love is conditional to the narc, if we do not act like them, speak like them and look like them, we are targets for cruelty. We see this often in church cliques, those who do not fit in are those who require the Bible to be the source of all wisdom and instruction in living life. Correcting the narc with Scripture sets them into an angry rage or covert manipulation while mocking us to others.
And, never let the target express their dismay at the way they have been treated, this will bring out all the big guns of the narcissist against the one who dared to tell the truth. Emotion is seen as weakness to the narc, because it might require them to think about their actions. Narcissists hate emotion unless it is their own and with them it is to manipulate. Honest emotions frighten them, they become angry when someone else feels deeply about anything.
2 Timothy 3:1-5
"3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."
Only the strong in Christ can stand against these wicked tactics, they will not be moved, but sadly many who cannot see them, will find themselves in broken relationships that may never be restored.
God can work on those caught in this web devised by Satan, but the only way there is freedom from it for the target or the Narcissist is Christ.
For the believer, we can see the tactics, guard against them, remove ourselves and become resolute, not to allow it to cause us to sin.
For the unsaved, the narcissist or a target who is unsaved, becoming born again is the solution. Only in Christ can the narc or target be changed into a new creation and only in Christ can the target learn how to deal with the evil that is leveled against them.
I am grateful for the Word of God, it has clearly described what is happening today and what to do about it. We are not left to flounder in a sea of confusion or doubt, we can know where we are going when we die, the tactics of the devil before we go and exactly how to handle all of it.
May the Lord bless each one with great wisdom as we seek the Lord in His Word for everything in our lives.
