Recently a thought has been nagging at me. I have been taught in our American Christian culture that forgiveness was to be extended even if the sinner was not sorry or repentant in any way. This tormented me because I was not seeing this principle in Scripture. I prayed and prayed as I sought an answer to this problem. Then I searched the Scriptures and the internet for verses and articles or books that would address another viewpoint than those that we have all been raised with for the last fifty years. The Lord had been telling me that what I was encountering in our culture was not forgiveness at all but human tradition.
Why was I so frustrated at the easy flippant form of forgiveness that I was experiencing all around me? I guess the reason was because I was not seeing it lead to greater holiness in the sinner or the forgiver. The one who carried out the sin felt nothing, they did not stop their sinning and there was no reconciliation for the tattered relationship. There wasn't any recompense for destroyed things or for attitudes. In other words, the idea of forgiveness was expressed in words, thrown into the air landing on nothing. They were empty words accomplishing little if even the base effect of relationship restoration. The offender was completely unaware of their own attitudes and the victim was left attempting to pretend friendliness to someone who was not sorry for their offense and would likely repeat the same offense again.
It has become considered rude in our culture to correct or rebuke someone no matter how wicked the actions may be. In the original languages of the Bible "rebuke" is a very strong word. Its effect can be one of restoration of a relationship, although this is rare in our culture, but it can cause greater holiness in both the victim and the offender. When there is repentance and then forgiveness extended, there is more likely a restored and intimate relationship with the parties involved. When we do not follow the scriptural mandates to go to those who have offended us and for those who have offended to repent, then we short-circuit the process of growth and the restoration of the relationship.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer understood the principles of God's way of restoring a relationship, not only our relationship to God but also to our fellow man. Mr. Bonhoeffer said:
"Nothing is so cruel as the tenderness that consigns another to his sin. Nothing can be more compassionate than the severe rebuke that calls a brother back from the path of sin."
When our Lord said on the cross, "Father forgive them." He was not asking for forgiveness for those who were not repentant, but desiring to extend forgiveness to anyone who would repent. We try to do away with the step of repentance in our culture, and because of this the neither the offended nor the offender grow and become stronger. When the offended must approach a sinner with their offense, they become stronger in the Lord, more concerned about the well being of the offender than about their own feelings. When the offender repents, they become more concerned also about the needs and desires of the person they have harmed than about their own desires. There is a growing process involved in the whole matter of relationship restoration.
We are a fast food culture; we want the problem to be solved quickly instead of waiting on the Lord to change a heart. We do not like to do difficult things that make us uncomfortable. Have we noticed that fast food has made us fat and lazy; it is no different with relationships. We are obsessed with our own comfort rather than deeply concerned about the spiritual well being of our brothers and sisters in Christ.
We no longer challenge anyone to greater holiness or a better job well done, as long as they and we feel good. What a terrible disservice we have perpetrated on our fellow man, to place their happiness and pleasure above their ultimate relationship with a Holy God and with their neighbor.
Proverbs 27:14 says, “He who blesses his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, It will be counted a curse to him.”
Have we forgotten Scriptures that say, "My brethren count it all joy when we fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience? But let patience have its perfect work, that you may perfect and complete lacking nothing." James 1:1-4
Proverbs 27:6 says “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”
God says that “He who covers his sins will not prosper, But whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” Proverbs 28:13
When we find someone who is defensive about their sin, and runs and hides from those who would care deeply enough to expose it, then we have our clue about the guilt that plagues that person and the pride that dominates their very being.
God warns us that, “One who turns away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayers shall be an abomination.” Proverbs 28:9
Let us look to the Word of God for our advice and practice, rather than our culture. Next time we are challenged to do something in a certain traditional way, let’s ask, why do we do it that way and where does that idea come from. Then go to God’s Word and search the matter out to find out what God thinks about it.
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