Every man or woman will choose the kind of person who reflects their own inner heart.
No godly person would pick up a potential spouse in a bar. A righteous man or woman would not be interested in the things the worldly person loves.
In choosing a man or a woman one must decide what kind of life they want to live and never base their choice on physical attraction.
The truth is that if a person is godly, not just religious but loves the Lord, they will be outwardly attractive, personality and love have more to do with physical attraction than people realize. I have met very attractive people who were popular but seemed ugly to me because their personality and character was so dark. I have also met people who were not considered attractive and who appeared lovely to me because their character and personality were so loving.
Even in the churches today there are lots of ungodly men who have a selfish heart and no desire to please God except if it benefits them personally. These people will say many right things and the wrong things they say will be ignored because of their outward attractiveness and charisma.
Most people now, even Christians can easily be deceived by "God talk" if the man or woman is good-looking to them. They place more emphasis on appearances than they do character and then wonder what happened when the marriage is destroyed.
There are many pretenders in the church today who learn the "religious-speak" so much that everyone in their sphere is convinced they are of God.
Those who are friends with these people choose not to test their spirit by asking pointed questions to see what comes out of them. What comes out of someone is often a clue to their real character.
If they become angry at a challenge then they have anger and arrogance in their hearts. If they are happy to answer the question or respond to a statement with grace and love, then that is what is in their heart.
Matthew 15:17-19
"17 Do you not understand that everything that goes into the mouth passes into the stomach, and is eliminated?
18 But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and those things defile the person.
19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, acts of adultery, other immoral sexual acts, thefts, false testimonies, and slanderous statements."
Most Christians today speak many unbiblical things they were taught by their culture. They will defend these wrong things when confronted with a challenge to look at Scripture that proves their belief wrong according to God.
If a man or a woman chooses a marriage partner based on superficial outward appearances or fleshly interests they very likely will have a tumultuous marriage.
If a man or a woman chooses a marriage partner based on their love for the Lord and dedication entirely to the word of God there is a greater likelihood they will both grow in holiness as they walk through life together.
And, just as importantly the nature of the marriage will determine the way of the children, who are born to this couple. Will they walk worldly based on superficial likes and dislikes? Or, will they seek God in all things because they saw the love of God in their parents?
If one parent is dedicated to God and the other is not it is likely the children will follow the ungodly parent because they will be drawn to fleshly things with the permission of the ungodly parent. I have seen this more times than I can count.
Our choice of a spouse is much more far-reaching than that superficial infatuation based on lust and appearances. When the lust and appearance fade and the real business of life begins is when the marriage is in trouble.
The ungodly mate will not have the fruit of the Spirit, even fighting against it to bring down the one who loves God. The ungodly hate God and hate anyone who wants to be close to God.
The godly person has the fruit of Christ that irritates the unbelieving spouse.
Galatians 5:22-23
"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
Those who are ungodly are convicted by the fruit of God's Spirit in their believing spouse, causing them to attempt to create a bad spirit in the spouse by prods and pokes. The devil will use the ungodly spouse to deny the fruit of the godly spouse while undermining them through these jabs and torments.
It does not stop there, the ungodly spouse influences the children to be against their godly parent. When the children are grown they will favor the ungodly parent and the godly parent will be left without influence toward them. There is little to no love and support for the godly parents because of the continual power over the children of the ungodly.
It is human nature to take the path of least resistance. When the culture or the parent allows sin, endorses it, or even ignores it then the children will go with those who endorse their rebellious hearts. But even worse than that the children will be contemptuous toward the godly parent and worse yet, contemptuous toward God.
This is why God told born-again believers to not be unequally yoked. When someone dates an unbeliever hoping to change them they are making a huge mistake not to mention disobedience against God. I see often believers marrying unbelievers who decided to become a Christian to marry someone only to revert back to their vomit after the marriage.
Conversions of ungodly people so they can marry a Christian are notoriously deceptive and suspect.
When we obey God the marriage is blessed and will grow in holiness. When we disobey God He removes His protection from us and leaves us to the consequences of what we have done.
Like oxen yoked together to pull the plow each oxen is uniquely paired to pull together, they are similar in size and temperament so that the plow pulls through the ground flawlessly. The oxen must work together or the work is not done or is much harder.
2 Corinthians 6:14
"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?"
A believing spouse cannot expect their unbelieving husband or wife to care what God says about marriage or raising children. And, the unbeliever will be continually angry and frustrated by the faith of the spouse. Often the unbeliever turns the hearts of the children away from the believer.
God can work on the unbelieving spouse in a marriage but it is one thing to be an unbeliever marrying an unbeliever and then becoming born-again and quite another being a believer and marrying an unbeliever, it is a fool's errand and defiance against God.
Proverbs 21:9
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife."
This verse speaks of a woman but is applicable to a man also.
Living in a house with a contemptuous unbeliever is like being in a battle zone. The believer must battle in prayer and our own fleshly feelings of "fight or flight" as the believer works to stay close to God in spite of the continual barrage of rockets pointing at the believer. Not to mention the loneliness without family fellowship.
My burden, at this time in history, is that rarely do young people listen to anything that doesn't say what they want to hear. They reject the wisdom as well as the person speaking the wisdom from God. We watch the carnage day after day as many endorse the fatal actions of the young while those who attempt to instruct from God's Word are spurned. Welcome to our end-times world!
Bottom Line: It is always better to obey God rather than follow our own emotions and lustful feelings. Also, it hurts when people won't listen to the truth but our focus needs to be telling the truth, not what their response may be. I know, maybe one day someone will actually listen and value God's Word.
