Narcissists are "uncooperative", they cannot stand to cooperate with others because that places the power in the hands of the others. Narcissists can't give up their power over people.
They are continually causing drama to be the center of attention and for the purpose of controlling the emotions of others.
In order to be cooperative there must be good communication, narcissists hate communication.
Communication leave us vulnerable to discovering we may need to change something or compromise for the sake of another. Narcissists hate to communicate.
They hate to communicate, cooperate or defer to others, they must always be the one in charge. It is agonizing working with someone like this because they have a tendency to take over a project that was not given to them to do.
Normal people will ask how they can help when requested to engage in a project with others. The narcissist won't ask they will merely begin ordering others even though no one appointed them the "go to person."
We saw all these elements in president Obama and first lady Michelle. Their way of controlling others was to continually mock and demean those who disagreed with them. Rather than elevating their own ideas, of which there were none or few, they would focus on devaluing the ideas of others. When they couldn't devalue the ideas of others they would devalue the person in some superficial and meaningless way.
We see this in family members all the time. Someone was mocked once by a narcissistic family member because of the things that hung on her wall. She liked lots of pictures and other wall hangings that coordinate with her decor. The mocking was because she "had too many", but that didn't make sense because what she had on her walls shouldn't matter to anyone but those who live in her house. Her husband told her many times how much he liked her decorating.
Why did this family member either ignore it to avoid making her feel badly, or compliment her ability to coordinate things well? The reason was that it wasn't really about her wall hangings at all, but about the need of the narcissist to mock and demean in order to elevate self.
It was obvious to this woman that the person who had demeaned her decorating had been primed by other family members who had gossiped about her. The narcissist felt empowered by the other narcissists in the room, realizing he had advocates for his mocking, leading him to feel safe in overt devaluing of the host.
I have witnessed many situations just like this one, no real reason for the mocking, nothing good was accomplished by it, the host didn't change how she decorated and any sense of kindness or love was reduced if present at all. In short, these mentalities destroy any chance of quality relationships, a sense of purposelessness and destruction are present.
Our culture is growing in the meanness of narcissism. As people remain full of themselves, full of arrogance that their way is the only way, we will see the destruction of relationships on every level in every place.
As we observe this devilish phenomena we don't have to be a part of it. We can remove ourselves from those who will not change this behavior and fill our relationship coffers with those who love the Lord, desiring to bless their brothers and sisters in Christ, while witnessing to others by their actions, that they belong to Christ.
1 Thessalonians 5:10-11 "…10 He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with Him. 11 Therefore encourage and build one another up, just as you are already doing."
Building one another in the faith does not have to do with flattery or praise, it has more the connotation of "you can do it", "keep going", while taking the time to help others in their particular ministries through discussion, prayer and Biblical encouragement.
Never, never, never demean or mock someone on completely unimportant matters. Never demean or mock anyone for mistakes, everyone makes them, it doesn't help to beat down someone for a mistake.
Deliberate mean actions and attitudes are another matter. We need to call this out, unless we know we are dealing with a fool who will make more trouble if we confront it. These people will flip the script, blame those who are the victims, absolving themselves of any wrong doing.
Proverbs 29:8-10 "…8 Scorners set a city aflame, But wise men turn away anger. 9 When a wise man has a controversy with a foolish man, The foolish man either rages or laughs, and there is no rest. 10Men of bloodshed hate the blameless, But the upright are concerned for his life.…"
Now there is a new date!!! Go figure!
The new date of the tribulation is September 22, OH....no another person said September 23rd. Oops, no I hear a July 2017 out there in cyber space too!!!
Come on folks, God never gave us a day or hour, he only told us we would know the season.
I would like to believe we are leaving in the rapture soon, but I cannot jump on any bandwagon that declares the exact day that it will happen.
Be careful my friends to resist placing your trust in anyone or any system other than Christ. If He wanted us to know the day and the hour He would have told us. He wants us to continue to live by faith right up until He snatches us away.
Matthew 24:36-37 "36 No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. 37 As it was in the days of Noah, so will it be at the coming of the Son of Man.…"
In the days of Noah, what was it about those days that are similar to now? Two things, "everyone did what was right in their own eyes" and Noah preached for 120 years and "no one would listen to him."
Narcissists are embarrassed with manners. They act as though someone who has manners is weak and worthy of disrespect.
Proverbs 5:11-13 "…11 And you groan at your final end, When your flesh and your body are consumed; 12 And you say, "How I have hated instruction! And my heart spurned reproof! 13 "I have not listened to the voice of my teachers, Nor inclined my ear to my instructors!…"
Proverbs 18:2-3 "Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions. Doing wrong leads to disgrace, and scandalous behavior brings contempt."
Proverbs 1:5-7 "Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. Let those with understanding receive guidance by exploring the meaning in these proverbs and parables, the words of the wise and their riddles. Fear of the LORD is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline."
Proverbs 12:15 "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise."
Proverbs 18:13 "Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish."
Proverbs 18:6-7 "Fools’ words get them into constant quarrels; they are asking for a beating. The mouths of fools are their ruin; they trap themselves with their lips."
Proverbs 26:6-7 "Trusting a fool to convey a message is like cutting off one’s feet or drinking poison! A proverb in the mouth of a fool is as useless as a paralyzed leg."
Proverbs 10:23-25 "Doing wrong is fun for a fool, but living wisely brings pleasure to the sensible. Doing wrong is fun for a fool, but living wisely brings pleasure to the sensible. When the storms of life come, the wicked are whirled away, but the godly have a lasting foundation."
I believe that our inner heart is deeply connected to our physical body.
This is the reason that "actions speak louder than words."
Words are easy, they are deceptive and misleading, but our body language does not lie, it is instinctual and nearly automatic.
We cannot hide the real us, it comes out in our bodies somehow.
It might be good to do a study on "lie spotting", there are micro-expressions in the face, head movements, body language that give away the attitude of the narcissist that is hidden inside.
Sometimes we can see them claiming something, while their head is moving side to side as if to say "no." Often this is one clue that they are lying. This is a fascinating study, giving us more insight into the heart of a narcissist.
I am convinced that our spirit, mind and soul are so connected to our bodies that our body reveals the truth about us when our words are telling lies.
God focuses more on our heart, because it is what comes out of the heart that brings the actions. Watch the actions, that will tell us what's in a person's heart.
A person cannot murder someone unless there is murder already in the heart. If we hate our brother, God says it's the same as if we have murdered him, because it is the outflow of our heart that causes the actions and reactions.
There is a family member who cannot hug me when we meet. He turns sideways and pats me on the back as if to show disapproval. This family member has always taken the opportunity to devalue and demean me whenever he approaches me. He cannot be in the same room with me without delivering an insult, then laughing to claim it was only a joke.
Proverbs 26:18-20 "…18 Like a madman who throws Firebrands, arrows and death, 19 So is the man who deceives his neighbor, And says, "Was I not joking?" 20 For lack of wood the fire goes out, And where there is no whisperer, contention quiets down.…"
Cleverly this male member of extended family only does his dastardly mocking when there is no one else to see it. I have often heard him say, "she just can't take a joke", when I would call him on his rude behavior. This is a classic response of a narcissist. Another comment commonly expressed by narcissists is "you are too sensitive."
Notice something interesting, when confronted with a mean comment the narc flips the script to make the victim look as though they are insane for being offended.
A godly and loving person who was told something they said was mean would admit it and show sorrow that they had hurt someone. In fact they probably would not have said that mean thing to begin with, but if they were really joking they would feel bad that they may have made someone feel badly and be sorry they said it.
The responses of the narcissist are clues as to their intent. Someone who does not intend to hurt someone will automatically comfort and apologize, but the narcissist uses the opportunity to further offend the one who expressed their dismay. Dismay is food for the narcissist, the more they can get their target to respond the more they like it.
Proverbs 6:12-16
"A worthless person, a wicked man, goes about with crooked speech, winks with his eyes, signals with his feet, points with his finger, with perverted heart devises evil, continually sowing discord; therefore calamity will come upon him suddenly; in a moment he will be broken beyond healing. There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him:"
Micah 2:1
"Woe to those who devise wickedness and work evil on their beds! When the morning dawns, they perform it, because it is in the power of their hand."
Sadly many of these narcissists are in the organized churches today. I have met a few, they are bent on being superior to others, they love the praise of others and are deeply incensed when anyone calls them out about wrong doctrine. These people have little tolerance for the working of the Holy Spirit, it's all about education in institutions that gain them their prestige.
John 12:43
"43 For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God."
The church narcissist must demean, mock and devalue anyone who dares to resist placing them on a pedestal. Many men and some women are in the pulpits because they love the praise of men, the money and the elevated accolades of those they perceive to be under them.
No man or woman is above any other man or woman. We are all equal with differing tasks. Anyone who looks down on another person because they think they are above others, should never be in a position of leadership, they are far too immature to be leading anyone.
Philippians 2:3
"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;"
Luke 6:31
"Treat others the same way you want them to treat you."
Matthew 20:26
"It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant,"
John 3:30
"He must increase, but I must decrease."
Proverbs 29:2
"When the righteous increase, the people rejoice, But when a wicked man rules, people groan."
1 Corinthians 12:12-31
"For even as the body is one and yet has many members, and all the members of the body, though they are many, are one body, so also is Christ.
For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free, and we were all made to drink of one Spirit. For the body is not one member, but many.
If the foot says, "Because I am not a hand, I am not a part of the body," it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body.
And if the ear says, "Because I am not an eye, I am not a part of the body," it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body.
If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole were hearing, where would the sense of smell be?
But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. If they were all one member, where would the body be?
But now there are many members, but one body. And the eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you"; or again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you."
On the contrary, it is much truer that the members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary; and those members of the body which we deem less honorable, on these we bestow more abundant honor, and our less presentable members become much more presentable, whereas our more presentable members have no need of it.
But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that member which lacked, so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.
And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. Now you are Christ's body, and individually members of it.
And God has appointed in the church, first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healings, helps, administrations, various kinds of tongues. All are not apostles, are they? All are not prophets, are they? All are not teachers, are they? All are not workers of miracles, are they? All do not have gifts of healings, do they? All do not speak with tongues, do they? All do not interpret, do they? But earnestly desire the greater gifts. And I show you a still more excellent way."
Everyone needs everyone else, no one is above with more wisdom or greater service than another. We all have the same Holy Spirit and are capable and able to rebuke, correct and instruct in righteousness.
Anyone who places someone higher than anyone else has an idol in their heart. We love people, we care for people, but we do not elevate them as if they have no flaws, this is worship of a false god. Everyone has flaws, everyone needs correction and everyone can discern right from wrong because of the Holy Spirit that lives in each of us.
Each of us has special gifts we have been given, but all can express the other gifts from time to time as needed.
If any of you call yourself a "Calvinist", or a "Lutheran", or "Methodist" or "Preterist", or "Adventist", or "Christian Science" or "Reform", or "Oneness", or "Trinitarian", or "Messianic", you are disobeying God and His Word.
We are not to call ourselves by any man's name or by a particular Biblical principle, elevating one principle above all the others as though that is the only important principle.
1 Corinthians 1:12-13 "…11 My brothers, some from Chloe’s household have informed me that there are quarrels among you. 12 What I mean is this: Individuals among you are saying, “I follow Paul,” “I follow Apollos,” “I follow Cephas,” or “I follow Christ.” 13 Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Were you baptized into the name of Paul?…"
God called the believers "the Brethren at", whatever town they were in. We are born again believer in Jesus Christ, no one principle or name of a man defines this relationship we have with Jesus Christ.
I have lost friendships over one principle or a man's name while the person who required our friendship to be based on these things, refused to listen to the rest of the Bible.
This matter of cherry picking scriptures to make more important than others is deceptive and prideful. Every principle of Christ is based on the entire Bible.
There is more division going on because people pridefully make their snippets of the Bible more important than other portions of the Bible as though they are isolated truths. We must interpret the entire Bible in terms of everything else in the Scriptures.
When we cherry pick we miss the real meanings of things. It is human nature to enjoy parts of the Scripture that tend to make us appear more intelligent than others. I know this to be true because the people that set me aside as a friend, did it because they could not convince me and they would not listen to my evidence. Theirs was the only evidence that was allowed.
When someone will not look at the evidence while treating others who don't agree as "less than", there is arrogance.
1 Timothy 6:3-4
"If anyone advocates a different doctrine and does not agree with sound words, those of our Lord Jesus Christ, and with the doctrine conforming to godliness, he is conceited and understands nothing; but he has a morbid interest in controversial questions and disputes about words, out of which arise envy, strife, abusive language, evil suspicions,"
Many people feel more important when they have titles to identify with, they must have their self importance.
