For those who think they can influence the narcissist! All we do is manipulate them with guilt for a time.
The tactics that might work on the narcissist short term is nothing more than manipulation, it does not change their heart.
It is the heart that determines how people act. You can get people to act certain ways with manipulation but it won't last because its not based on a heart change.
As soon as we would stop manipulating they would stop acting nicely. The heart can only be changed by Christ, if they become born again they will think differently causing them to act differently.
Matthew 7:21-23 "21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’"
Matthew 6:21 "21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Proverbs 3:5-7
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil."
Proverbs 4:23
"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life."
Saturday, April 6, 2019
The Fears of the Narcissist
While the psychological industry is based on false premises, they still get some things right in their observations. They don't know that some of their observations are rooted in the Bible.
The list below is accurate in what narcissists fear the most. It is taken from Psych2Go.
1. Fear of Commitment
2. Fear of Self Reflection
3. Fear of Insults
4. Fear of Shame
5. Fear of Lack of Admiration
6. Fear of Becoming Exposed
7. Fear of Gratitude
8. Fear of Death
My thoughts based on the list above:
1. When we see so many narcissists at church gatherings twisting scripture to fit their own ideas, we are witnessing a fear of commitment to Christ. Not only do these people fear not fitting into the world, they fear not having what they want. This is why so often their fear leads them to rage when they are confronted on their lack of accuracy with God's Word.
2. Often we witness the narcissist unable to reflect on what they have done, how they have acted and the things they say. They fear what they will find inside of themselves if they self reflect. A part of the narcissist knows something is off that's why they rage when told something within them needs fixing. The narcissist sees any correction at all as a complete demolishing of their entire being. Instead of seeing a correction as an opportunity to grow into a better person, they see it as an attack that needs to be expunged.
3. An insult to a narcissist is an all out frontal attack to their deepest person. They cannot let anything roll off because the attack as they see it, leaves them in a puddle on the floor, devastated.
4. The narcissist fears shame because they are shame based. They have a lot of shame over who they know they are inside. The tactics they have used on others leave them with shame, but they cannot admit they did anything, the shame is not dealt with and remains to cause a continual sense of self denigration.
5. Because the narcissist is so shame filled because of the sin they harbor inside, they fear not being admired by others. Admiration from others removes temporarily their sense of shame that lives within them.
6. Since the narcissist is full of shame based on all their continual bad manners and wicked assumptions, they fear being exposed. As soon as someone exposes what they are, they begin to target that person for gossip to ruin them.
7. Narcissists hate being grateful, they perceive gratefulness as weakness and a deference to another human being. The idea of deferring to others on any level is abhorrent to the narcissist. This is the reason we don't see demonstrations of overt thankfulness from these types. They will also look down on anyone who shows gratitude to others since it is a weakness in the mind of the narcissist.
8. The narcissist hates the idea of death because it relieves them of all their power forever. They see living as strength, perhaps they know that God is in control of their life and death, the reason they do not want to discuss it or make plans pertaining to it.
I have seen all these characteristics over my lifetime of exposure to narcissists. The lack of empathy toward others who do not fear expressing these things has shown me the character of the narcissist. The narcissist works to destroy the compassion of the one they target. It is devilish, because of this I believe the devil is influencing the narcissist, whether it be possession or oppression in which the devil whispers lies into the mind of the narcissist to cause trouble to others.
1 Peter 5:7-9 "…7 Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 8 Be sober-minded and alert. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in your faith and in the knowledge that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kinds of suffering."
Because of all these fears and this self will it is impossible for someone to be a full blown narcissist and still be a Christian. God will not change into a new creation someone who cannot defer to anyone even Him.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 is a description of the end times church apostasy.
"3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."
A narcissist will have a form of religion, using the Bible to justify their sin, but they cannot submit to God. This is why we see so many pretenders in the church who twist the scripture to say what they want it to say. They not only will not bow to Christ, they will lie against His truth to suit their own desires. The modern church is full of these types. Perhaps more of them than authentic believers.
Pray for those who are attacked by the narcissist and pray for the narcissist that God would deal with them.
The list below is accurate in what narcissists fear the most. It is taken from Psych2Go.
1. Fear of Commitment
2. Fear of Self Reflection
3. Fear of Insults
4. Fear of Shame
5. Fear of Lack of Admiration
6. Fear of Becoming Exposed
7. Fear of Gratitude
8. Fear of Death
My thoughts based on the list above:
1. When we see so many narcissists at church gatherings twisting scripture to fit their own ideas, we are witnessing a fear of commitment to Christ. Not only do these people fear not fitting into the world, they fear not having what they want. This is why so often their fear leads them to rage when they are confronted on their lack of accuracy with God's Word.
2. Often we witness the narcissist unable to reflect on what they have done, how they have acted and the things they say. They fear what they will find inside of themselves if they self reflect. A part of the narcissist knows something is off that's why they rage when told something within them needs fixing. The narcissist sees any correction at all as a complete demolishing of their entire being. Instead of seeing a correction as an opportunity to grow into a better person, they see it as an attack that needs to be expunged.
3. An insult to a narcissist is an all out frontal attack to their deepest person. They cannot let anything roll off because the attack as they see it, leaves them in a puddle on the floor, devastated.
4. The narcissist fears shame because they are shame based. They have a lot of shame over who they know they are inside. The tactics they have used on others leave them with shame, but they cannot admit they did anything, the shame is not dealt with and remains to cause a continual sense of self denigration.
5. Because the narcissist is so shame filled because of the sin they harbor inside, they fear not being admired by others. Admiration from others removes temporarily their sense of shame that lives within them.
6. Since the narcissist is full of shame based on all their continual bad manners and wicked assumptions, they fear being exposed. As soon as someone exposes what they are, they begin to target that person for gossip to ruin them.
7. Narcissists hate being grateful, they perceive gratefulness as weakness and a deference to another human being. The idea of deferring to others on any level is abhorrent to the narcissist. This is the reason we don't see demonstrations of overt thankfulness from these types. They will also look down on anyone who shows gratitude to others since it is a weakness in the mind of the narcissist.
8. The narcissist hates the idea of death because it relieves them of all their power forever. They see living as strength, perhaps they know that God is in control of their life and death, the reason they do not want to discuss it or make plans pertaining to it.
I have seen all these characteristics over my lifetime of exposure to narcissists. The lack of empathy toward others who do not fear expressing these things has shown me the character of the narcissist. The narcissist works to destroy the compassion of the one they target. It is devilish, because of this I believe the devil is influencing the narcissist, whether it be possession or oppression in which the devil whispers lies into the mind of the narcissist to cause trouble to others.
1 Peter 5:7-9 "…7 Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 8 Be sober-minded and alert. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in your faith and in the knowledge that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kinds of suffering."
Because of all these fears and this self will it is impossible for someone to be a full blown narcissist and still be a Christian. God will not change into a new creation someone who cannot defer to anyone even Him.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 is a description of the end times church apostasy.
"3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."
A narcissist will have a form of religion, using the Bible to justify their sin, but they cannot submit to God. This is why we see so many pretenders in the church who twist the scripture to say what they want it to say. They not only will not bow to Christ, they will lie against His truth to suit their own desires. The modern church is full of these types. Perhaps more of them than authentic believers.
Pray for those who are attacked by the narcissist and pray for the narcissist that God would deal with them.
The Holy Spirit is the Helper of the Born Again Believer
The Holy Spirit in us abides there to help us, He is called the Helper. One of the ways He helps us is to redirect us when we go astray.
Hebrews 12:5-7 "…5 And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not take lightly the discipline of the Lord, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises everyone He receives as a son.” 7 Endure suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?…"
Suffering in the believer is for chastisement sometimes and also for strengthening. We do our greatest growing when we have to face and go through difficulties. Christ, the Holy Spirit goes through with the believer as the trainer and helper.
God does not change someone into a new creation by His power and then take it away because we don't measure up. He works with us over our lifetime to grow in holiness.
Anyone who says they do not sin after being made a new creation denies what God has said in Hebrews.
1 John 1:9-10 "…9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar, and His word is not in us."
This verse in 1 John is speaking to believers. The problem is that so often we get confused when we see people claiming to be Christian and not ashamed of their sin even defending it. The born again believer is ashamed of their sin and eventually confesses to be cleansed. The one who is not born again sees nothing wrong with the sin they love. They will even become angry at believers who suggest they are sinning. These people are pretenders in the church.
Our Spirit is born again, we are no longer who we used to be, however we are trapped in this body of death. Notice too that the body does not go to heaven when the believer dies, it stays on earth to rot. That's because the body is sinful but our Spirit is no longer sinful when we become born again. This is why we grieve at our own sin, even hiding it until we become so broken we cannot ignore the promptings of the Holy Spirit, then is when we confess to be cleansed.
1 Peter 2:11
"11 Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul."
The problem comes when someone does not confess, when they do not battle the flesh but even embrace it and defend it, that is when we must realize the person who does this is not saved.
A believer hates it when they sin, they do not rest until that sin is confessed. The believer who is in sin will see consequences in our life for that sin because we belong to God.
Hebrews 12:5-7 "…5 And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not take lightly the discipline of the Lord, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises everyone He receives as a son.” 7 Endure suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?…"
Suffering in the believer is for chastisement sometimes and also for strengthening. We do our greatest growing when we have to face and go through difficulties. Christ, the Holy Spirit goes through with the believer as the trainer and helper.
God does not change someone into a new creation by His power and then take it away because we don't measure up. He works with us over our lifetime to grow in holiness.
Anyone who says they do not sin after being made a new creation denies what God has said in Hebrews.
1 John 1:9-10 "…9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar, and His word is not in us."
This verse in 1 John is speaking to believers. The problem is that so often we get confused when we see people claiming to be Christian and not ashamed of their sin even defending it. The born again believer is ashamed of their sin and eventually confesses to be cleansed. The one who is not born again sees nothing wrong with the sin they love. They will even become angry at believers who suggest they are sinning. These people are pretenders in the church.
Our Spirit is born again, we are no longer who we used to be, however we are trapped in this body of death. Notice too that the body does not go to heaven when the believer dies, it stays on earth to rot. That's because the body is sinful but our Spirit is no longer sinful when we become born again. This is why we grieve at our own sin, even hiding it until we become so broken we cannot ignore the promptings of the Holy Spirit, then is when we confess to be cleansed.
1 Peter 2:11
"11 Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul."
The problem comes when someone does not confess, when they do not battle the flesh but even embrace it and defend it, that is when we must realize the person who does this is not saved.
A believer hates it when they sin, they do not rest until that sin is confessed. The believer who is in sin will see consequences in our life for that sin because we belong to God.
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