You can always tell the work of a covert narcissist. When they have not heard from you in a long time they will send you a birthday or holiday greeting in their text and when you respond by saying thank you, and asking them how they are doing they do not respond.
It is common for narcissists to become uneasy when you are not reaching out to them due to a desire to protect your own life from their antics.
When they see that you are not contacting them they must find a way to engage with you again by sending a "happy" something text. Happy Birthday, Happy Anniversary, or Happy 4th." Then when you write by saying; "how are you doing", no response comes back to further engage with you. The first text was to draw you back into their lives long enough so that you can see them ignoring you. They cannot stand that you were getting on with your life so they had to find a way to draw you in, giving you an opportunity to respond. They knew you were too kind and polite to just ignore them the way they ignore you.
Narcissists will also ask you how you are doing without showing any concern or responding to what you have said so as to demonstrate caring and kindness.
Narcissists are all about control, they don't really care about you or enjoy you they simply want to feel they have sucked you in to be disregarded and demeaned one more time.
When you see this happening there is a fleshly instinct to call it out for corrective purposes. After all a normal person full of love would only do these things if they were not thinking and would immediately apologize and change. However, most of the time in our end times world the people using the tactics of, I'll call it "pull and push", do want to find a way of dismissing us as frequently as possible.
Why do we discuss these things, they sound so sad? We speak about them because they have the potential of causing deep hurt in those who are tender-hearted and loving. If we see the tactics for what they are we need not feel hurt in the least. In fact, we can even see the humor in it and see it for what it is, that is an immature child playing a game to feel superior or in control.
My suggestion is not to make any attempt to "clear things up" with those who play these games, it only fuels their angst and keeps the fuss going without any real purpose.
Notice the "happy" greetings are no more than two words without any inquiry about our well-being and definitely nothing about God.
Proverbs 18:6
6 A fool’s lips walk into a fight,
and his mouth invites a beating."
This passage is speaking of the mouth of a fool who starts fights. I do think it relates to the way a fool will covertly draw you in as with the text and then invite you to challenge them when they do not respond to you. Every tactic and action of the covert narcissist is designed to cause hurt feelings, a fight when asked to explain and then play the victim as though they did nothing wrong.
The narcissist does not consider that rudeness and dishonest tricks are sinful.
The advice of God in His Word is not to "speak in the hearing of a fool." When we see someone playing these games it is best to laugh it off, ignore it completely and let God deal with the fool.
NEVER allow the fool to make you into his likeness by responding the way he responds. When we respond God's Ways to things we are left without guilt or worry and free from bondage to the devil and his games.
It is pride that drives us to defend ourselves and fight back to "give that fool a piece of our mind", God says not to do it.
Matthew 7:5-7 "…5 You hypocrite! First take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. 6 Do not give dogs what is holy; do not throw your pearls before swine. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces. 7 Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you.…"
Proverbs 26:4
"Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be like him."
I see all kinds of ways the devil is attempting to cause believers to act sinfully through retaliation, do not do it. It would be foolish on our part to defend ourselves or explain ourselves.
Galatians 1:10
"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ."
As born-again believers, we have no need to prove ourselves to another human being. We have no need to be accepted by those who do not love God.
Romans 12:1-2
"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."
We must never allow people to manipulate us, either into words or actions. Every word and every action must be controlled by the Holy Spirit inside of us. If we respond to our feelings or thoughts we will be falling into the devil's trap.
1 John 5:19
"We know that we are from God, and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one."
James 4:7
"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."
