Blaming others for the problems of the hardened heart only serves to destroy relationships and impede emotional and spiritual growth. And, it may be an indication that someone was not ever born again.
1 John 1:9
"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Notice the words; "if we confess our sins", clearly stating the condition for cleansing. God will not cleanse anyone who ignores or defends their sin. They will experience the consequences without help from Him. Or, He will discipline those who are stubborn until they break under the weight of their own guilt and eventually confess.
Hebrews 12;5-7 "…5 And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not take lightly the discipline of the Lord, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises every son He receives.” 7 Endure suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?"
If they do not confess, they will go before the Father in heaven. When the dross is burned off, there will be little or nothing left for a reward.
Colossians 3:23-24
"23 Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord and not for people,
24 knowing that it is from the Lord that you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve."
As believers, we do not "work heartily" for salvation, but only for rewards. If our work was for salvation, then the sacrifice on the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ would be silly. He paid the debt of our sin that we could not pay. If we cannot pay the debt ourselves through our own works, then what makes us think we can lose it through our own works?
The confusion arises when people appear to walk away from the gospel, or there is no evidence of a difference in their lives as a result of being changed by Christ.
1 Corinthians 3:13-16 "…14 If what he has built survives, he will receive a reward. 15 If it is burned up, he will suffer loss. He himself will be saved, but only as if through the flames. 16 Do you not know that you yourselves are God’s temple, and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?"
Pretenders do not change much because they are doing their works of righteousness in the flesh, not by the power of God. They tend to be prideful about themselves because they are "doing" what they believe to be right. This is the reason they make no progress in holiness; they are depending on their own way instead of the principles and commands of Christ.
God said we will be able to know these people by their fruit or lack of fruit. Some believers appear to have fruit, but it is not lasting and it is fleshly without authentic fruit.
This fruit is Spiritually discerned by those who walk in the Spirit of Christ Who lives in them.
Galatians 5:22-23
"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
Matthew 7:16-21 16 You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes, nor figs from thistles, are they?
17 So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit.
18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit.
19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
20 So then, you will know them by their fruits.
21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter."
Those who say "we cannot know another man's heart only God does" is quoting scripture out of context. God has shown the born-again believer the heart of men through these passages. It would make no sense to give us the criteria of a heart changed by God or not changed by Him unless it was instruction to know what to look for and how to hear from the Holy Spirit when He warns us in knowing who is real and who is not.
Why do we need to know who is authentic and who is not? We are told that light has no fellowship with darkness. We will not be one in Spirit with those who are pretenders; they will hinder our walk, and worse, they will influence baby believers to be like them.
Many of the "Christians" I know lack love, they lack joy, peace, gentleness, kindness, and self-control. It is not a matter of having an occasional fall in weakness; these traits are absent in those who live a lifestyle of lack of these traits. This lack of the fruit is a habit without conscience and even defensiveness when confronted with the truth about themselves.
Those who have the fruit of the Spirit live in a constant lifestyle of love, demonstrating the fruit without having to think about it. This fruit is so much a part of their being that they automatically operate according to the fruit of the Spirit. If they fall momentarily, they quickly confess and hate what they did. These moments of fall are rare in their lives because the fruit of Christ dominates them continually.
Sometimes it is difficult to discern who is who because Christians can be stubborn and resistant to correction. These are the ones who will have all the dross burned away on judgment day, leaving nothing for rewards, but they will still be saved. 1 Corinthians 3
When I am not able to tell if someone is saved or not I have a rule of thumb I follow. If someone says they are a Christian but resists the Word of God, I maintain a distance from them because God said to correct a brother or sister, and if they will not listen, do not keep company with them. They may be a pretender with whom we have no fellowship with darkness, or they may be a disobedient sibling that God tells us to avoid.
Our fellowship with believers has to be according to the Word of God and in agreement. Someone is not going to change their heart because we hang around acting friendly. More than likely they will solidify the rebellion through acceptance of their condition.
James 5:16 "Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man has great power to prevail."
As believers, our job is to preach the gospel to the lost and to edify the brethren. If a sibling in Christ is contentious and will not hear the truth or follow it, they must be removed, or we will become like them. The more we tolerate sin in our brothers and sisters the more we will be influenced by it. The same thing is true of unbelievers who are pretenders.
The practice of the culture of our day is to worry more about someone's feelings than we are concerned about their spiritual condition. It is a selfish stance to remain silent so that we do not incure the anger of the one who does not want to hear the truth.
If we care about our brothers and sisters, we will help them with the truth. If we care about the lost, we will help them with the truth. If they become angry, refusing to hear, then that is on them, and we are not only free to walk away but commanded to do so.
Our culture likes to blame the truth teller for making someone angry by exposing sin. We do not make someone angry with the truth; they choose it, and their response is not on us.
