1 Corinthians 15:33 " 33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
There were times over the years when I was tempted to respond to the narcissist in kind, I was thankful that I did answer back but not in rage as they were doing.
However, I was tempted to act just the way they do, but it was not my personality to do so. I ruminated on what they had done far too long after leaving their presence.
The least the narcissist does is cause emotional frustration and anger in us that we would rather not be feeling. I believe their goal is to make us become mean like they are, it makes them feel justified in their attitude toward us.
The more we remain calm the worse they get, in an attempt to cause us to sin the way they know they are sinning.
I have been tempted over the years to really "chew them out" for their bad behavior, always after the incident but resisted because I knew they would love it, the more they can cause us to respond in frustration and anger the happier they are, it's food for them.
At one point years ago I wrote letters to those who were in a lifelong pattern of acting rude and superior toward me. I quickly found out that narcissists do not feel guilty they feel enraged when confronted with their sin. Rather than being ashamed of their sin they become more hateful, gossip more about us, and seek to ruin our reputation based on their desired belief about us rather than what is actually true about us.
I do not feel bad about everything I have been through with narcissists, it has been a boot camp for me to learn to feel nothing negative when they attack, they no longer have an effect on me because I know what they are doing and it's not about me, its all on them.
I am convinced one of the reasons we get frustrated when the narcissist attacks are because inside we have a "feeling" that we did do something wrong. That was their goal to cause us to think we were the terrible ones when it was they who acted badly.
When we know we didn't do anything wrong then we do not have to suck into our soul what they have done. Jealousy is often the catalyst behind the narcissist's feelings of hate toward us. They hate our happiness, our life purpose, and our steadfastness.
Kind people hate the feeling that they have hurt someone, the narcissist plays on this vulnerability, they see it as a weakness giving them license to attack. We agonize over what we might have done but see nothing we could have done differently when we come away from a narcissist.
The narcissist never points out an error in us to help, they do it to shame. Narcissists are all about causing shame in those they hate. Even when we do a good act that the Lord has directed us to do, the narcissist will attempt to shame us into thinking we were foolish for doing it. Narcissists never admit their sins, they justify them, excuse them and even deny them entirely.
One of the tactics they use to shame is holding past forgiven sins against us as though we are still doing those sins. The devil is going regularly to the throne of grace accusing the brethren, just as the narcissist on earth is accusing the brethren of sins that have not only been forgiven by God but are buried in the deepest sea. We as believers have been transformed into a completely different person, no longer that person we used to be, the narcissists and the devil prefer to hold forgiven sins against us.
They love to believe we have not changed, that we are still a child and that we have not moved forward in our walk. Sadly they want to believe this about us because they know they are believing about us what they are, it's called projection. Those who have been changed into a new creation by Christ love it when someone's life has been changed by Christ, they celebrate the new person in Christ.
I have heard family members accuse others of things they were doing and the target was not. I have heard some of their gossip describing to their flying monkeys what they wanted to believe about their target, not what was true. Often the narcissist will make up stories in their mind they wish to believe about someone and pass these stories on as facts. They don't need any evidence of what they are saying only their desired guesses.
The proof I have of this is the tactics of the devil as described in the Bible. The devil is behind all this and is as busy today as he was in the time of Christ, attempting to destroy believers.
The devil used Peter's mouth in an attempt to influence Christ not to do something He was meant to do. This is the tactic of the narcissist when they mock or demean us for doing what is right, especially what has been directed by God.
The devil spoke to Eve, using flattery, he attempted to cause Eve to come against the commands of Christ and believe the devil's lies. He told her that God meant for evil his commands when the opposite was true. The devil uses the narcissist to come against God and us the way he did with Peter and Eve.
Have you ever done something that brought you great joy that was a gift from God only to have a narcissist come along and shame you as though you were doing something evil?
The devil did this with Christ, he used the mouths of the Pharisees to accuse Christ of doing His miracles by the power of the devil. They, the narcissists and devils, attempted to turn people against Christ because Christ was getting too much attention for doing good. The Pharisees were narcissists who could not tolerate Christ taking the power and attention away from them. Their loss of power over the minds of people was what angered them more than anything else.
Matthew 23:27-28
27 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. 28 So you too, outwardly appear righteous to people, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness."
Christ knew the Pharisees wanted power and control, they wanted to be the gods in the eyes of their underlings. they were not interested in loving and worshiping God, they only wanted their power and control.
Christ came along and showed them what hypocrites the Pharisees were so they worked to destroy Him, just as the narcissists are used of the devil to destroy born-again believers through shaming and demeaning. We are seeing more of this in our world today because the hour is late and the time is short before Christ takes us out of this world.
Narcissists are nothing more than pawns in the hands of the devil, when we know this we can feel sorry for them, pray for their salvation, and move on to those who love our Lord as much as we love Him. There will not be many people who love the Lord just as there were not many compared to the population around Christ, but they are out there and God can find them for us.
If we keep focused continually on Christ He will protect us from the narcissists. He will also protect us from becoming like the narcissist. If the devil can cause us to become angry and rage the way the narcissist does he can ruin our Christian witness and fellowship with others. Let's not let him!!!!
