When we extend forgiveness to one who is repentant it completely erases the debt they owe us, that is a debt of sin against us. This is what Christ did on the cross, but He will not forgive those who are not repentant. Christ came to reconcile us to Him through His sacrifice but only those who are repentant will have their debt of sin canceled.
When we cancel someone's debt when they are not sorry we have neglected "justice", and even have allowed sin to have no consequences. This is not loving toward the one who offended, it is self-love. Love toward the offended would be to show them their sin so they will have an opportunity to repent and change. Whether or not they do is not on us, it's on them. We are not responsible for the reactions of others, only for our obedience to God.
Psychology has taught for many years that love is to make someone "feel" better "momentarily", there is no concern for the eternal consequences of a person who remains loving their sin.
We are not here as born-again believers to make people "feel" good about themselves. We are here to preach the gospel of hope through repentance and reconciliation promoting of a broken spirit and contrite heart.
The world thinks it is love to make others feel happy, it does not understand that happiness does not save anyone from hell nor does it reconcile broken relationships.
The people I have known who say they forgave someone who did them harm when the offender was not sorry and even continues to offend, still had strong feelings arising continually to torment them. The reason they were still having these feelings is that all they did was "say" it with their mouth or in the mind; "I forgive" but since there was no change in the relationships they still felt like an injustice remained. They still had feelings of frustration because nothing was resolved between them and the offender.
When an offender is authentically sorry, contrite, and ashamed, coming to their victim in sorrow to confess and obtain forgiveness, the bad feelings in the victim do abate, even completely go away. The heart of the victim is melted by the contrition, to the point where they want to be reconciled and even help the offender to recover and go on to be a better person. This is the true heart of a person who loves God.
Galatians 6:1 "6 Brothers and sisters, even if a person is caught in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual are to restore such a person in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself so that you are not tempted as well."
However, when there is no resolution through confession of wrong done feelings are not adequate to resolve the sense of injustice and cleanse the heart of frustration over lack of repentance on the part of the offender.
"Just letting it go" is nothing more than useless words that fall from the lips to the ground, these words produce nothing, it is even a form of lying.
Can I make it more clear, confession and forgiveness are both necessary to reconcile a relationship? If the relationship remains broken because the offender will not confess and turn from the sin or the offended will not forgive when the offender repents, then there has been no resolution. Relationships can never be based on one party receiving darts while the other one is happy to shoot them.
Christ does not forgive those who are not repentant. This mentality that we must forgive even if the offender is not sorry has brought about a sense of entitlement on the part of offenders, that if you are a Christian you must forgive them no matter what they do to you, these self-righteous criminals expect forgiveness without every having to repent. This is very sad because then they have the same attitude toward God. They expect Him to forgive them even if they never love Him and never confess their sinfulness. A false gospel is afoot, the gospel of forgiving everyone no matter how wicked they are and they will slide into heaven the same way.
When an offender does something unkind or evil toward us we are instructed by God not to do revenge, but let's not confuse that with forgiveness.
Romans 12:18-20 "…18If it is possible on your part, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 On the contrary, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. For in so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head.”…"
This passage in Romans is not discussing forgiveness, it is laying the ground rules for never becoming like the offender by returning evil for evil. It is also showing us that we can remain innocent without fault when we maintain our walk with Christ in integrity, this too is not forgiveness.
God clearly says that without repentance there is no salvation. There is no relationship with God if there is no confession of sinfulness. God is our example for forgiveness toward mankind.
We lie against the gospel and one other when we claim we forgive without any expectation of repentance.
If we love the offender we require confession and contrition, this helps the offender. It is no help to show him that God does not require repentance by our own example toward one another.
Who are we to forgive someone whom God has not forgiven, are we better than God?!!!!
Our mission on this earth is to obey God, speak the truth with the heart of love as well as require justice from those who are unruly. It is not justice to pressure one who has been harmed to forgive an unrepentant offender.
When our example flies in the face of God to do what even He will not do, then we have made ourselves a god and for our own feelings of superficial holiness. So, here is the thing, to forgive for our own good feelings is a form of self-worship. Our own happiness is more important than the gospel message of repentance for sin.
Remember the saying: "more is caught than taught", we teach more by our example in the way we operate than we do by speaking dead words that ultimately end up being a misrepresentation of God and His Word.
Since we live in a world of fantasy thinking we see all around us those who spout words that sound good and give temporary good feelings but are nothing and do nothing.
The pressure to pray for the offender comes from the Holy Spirit, however, the pressure to forgive should not come from others who were not the victims. This is a form of abuse of its own.
If a person who was not the offended party wants to go and pressure the offender to repent, that would make a lot more sense.
Matthew 18:14-16 "15 If your brother sins against you, go and confront him privately. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’…"
Notice this verse from the same passage, Matthew 18:14 "14 In the same way, your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish."
The indication here is that God would rather we chastise those who are sinning than for them to perish. The chastisement could cause someone to repent and become born again.
Just saying!!!! This modern church steeped in psychology has done more harm to victims and the innocent without bringing offenders to accountability perhaps even helping them to enter heaven trusting Christ.
