One does not necessarily hold onto anger just because they do not forgive an unrepentant offender. Forgiveness is for reconciling the relationship, without confession of wrongdoing there is no reconciliation.
No one becomes automatically bitter when they do not forgive the offender. We love them, we treat them respectfully but that is not forgiveness.
Luke 17:3-4 "…3 Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” "
We are to pray for those who offend us but we are not required to forgive unless they express repentance for their act. We are to treat with respect the one who offended us, giving them the respect they didn't show us, but that is not forgiveness. We are not to do revenge but that is not forgiveness.
To say that we are to forgive for ourselves is psychology, not Bible. We forgive for the other person just as the offender confesses for the other person. Each party does what is necessary to reconcile the relationship, that is confess and forgive, two sides of the same coin, both must be present.
Why do so many people pressure the offended party to forgive but rarely pressure the offender to repent? Just asking!
So many victims are being bludgeoned by ignorant Christians who have bought into the lie of psychology that we will be bitter if we do not forgive someone who is not sorry. The truth is, we are more likely to become bitter because there has been no justice and yet we are pressured to forgive.
Satan knows just how to mess people up, that is to place pressure on godly people to do what is against God's Word and further empowers wicked people to grow worse.
Is it any wonder that crime has increased since the criminals know they will not be given the justice they deserve because everyone is just trying to seem the nice guy by letting them off without consequences?
Satan has managed to make sin look good and good look sinful just as the Bible said He would. There is a greater purpose in withholding forgiveness toward the unrepentant than just personal good feelings.
2 Corinthians 7:8-9 "8 Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Although I did regret it, I now see that my letter caused you sorrow, but only for a short time. 9 And now I rejoice, not because you were made sorrowful, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you felt the sorrow that God had intended, and so were not harmed in any way by us.…"
Sorrow over sin breaks the stubborn will of the sinner, allowing him a greater chance of confessing to be cleansed by Christ. We remove the opportunity for sorrow over sin by forgiving prematurely. We can see how our culture has degenerated coddling the sinner while punishing the one who desires to keep him accountable.
Perhaps if Christians would stop taking their instruction from the secular world and began obeying the Word of God there would be a little more justice and spiritual growth within the church.
