No person, man or woman, should submit when someone is telling us to disobey God. Some of our examples are Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, Abigail, and Paul when he told the authorities that the apostles are to obey God rather than man when the government forbade him from preaching the gospel.
Husbands are not the Authority over the woman; the Holy Spirit is, and she obeys Him first. Authority over is different from a leader. Leaders lead by example and teaching, but they do not have the authority to usurp the Holy Spirit.
It is lovely when a husband encourages and teaches what is right, making it easy for the wife and the children to follow. However, when the husband is rude, mean, and disrespectful, we have an obligation to inform him of his sin and that we will not follow as long as he acts this way.
Matthew 20:25-28
"25 But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles domineer over them, and those in high position exercise authority over them.
26 It is not this way among you, but whoever wants to become prominent among you shall be your servant,
27 and whoever desires to be first among you shall be your slave; 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.”
Those who think they can influence others by forcing, punishing and demeaning to keep others in line according to their own idea of righteousness are not only in disobedience to God they are ruining their own witness as well as destroying relationships.
There are couples who teach that the woman should obey the man even if he tells them to sin because they believe he is their leader, equating leader with "authority" over.
One person told me years ago that God may have a purpose in the woman disobeying God to obey her husband, this is a form of blasphemy because it places the husband in authority above the Holy Spirit.
No one is above the Holy Spirit as an authority over the born-again believer, man or woman.
We submit one to another in obedience to the Holy Spirit but never submitting to sin.
Ephesians 5:21-6:4
"21 and subject yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ.
22 Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
28 So husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
30 because we are parts of His body.
31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."
Notice that the wife is choosing joyfully to follow her husband when he follows Christ. She supports him whenever he obeys God. She counsels him as his helpmate when he deviates from the ways of God. If he refuses to listen and goes the way of sin then she can do nothing about that, but must not be supportive of his disobedience.
Remember Ananias and Sapphira? God said they both conspired together to lie to the Holy Spirit, and God killed them both. Sapphira neglected her calling as the helpmate and went along with what her husband planned on doing.
Acts 5:1-11
Ananias and Sapphira
5 Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property.
2 With his wife’s full knowledge, he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles’ feet.
3 Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land?
4 Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied just to human beings but to God.”
5 When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened.
6 Then some young men came forward, wrapped up his body, and carried him out and buried him.
7 About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened.
8 Peter asked her, “Tell me, is this the price you and Ananias got for the land?”
“Yes,” she said, “that is the price.”
9 Peter said to her, “How could you conspire to test the Spirit of the Lord? Listen! The feet of the men who buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out also.”
10 At that moment she fell down at his feet and died. Then the young men came in and, finding her dead, carried her out and buried her beside her husband.
11 Great fear seized the whole church and all who heard about these events."
It is the responsibility of the wife to counsel her husband as she helps him understand that what he is about to do will dishonor God. Sapphira obeyed her husband in the sin, and God considered it "conspiring together."
When we seek Christ in all things we will not be led astray by humanistic religious teaching devised by men to keep others under their thumb.
When we are dedicated to Christ in all things there will be times when others will judge us as rebellious or usurping, because they do not understand the working of the Holy Spirit and the purpose of marriage.
Rather than listening to people about our calling and the nature of marriage it is best to go to the Bible and prayer to find the answers. It will offend many people who do not know Christ but claim they do. They are living in a paganistic world based on fallen human wisdom and a desire to dominate others.
Seek Christ and you will not go wrong, even if everyone around you hates you for it, you will still be blessed.
Psalm 118:26 "26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD. From the house of the LORD we bless you."
We should all submit one to another when it does not involve sin, this is for everyone not just husbands and wives.
Ephesians 1:21 21 and subject yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ."
