Yes, it is not the scapegoat that is as abnormally bad as the narcissistic family members would like us to believe. The narcissistic family dynamic is evidence that the narcissist cannot survive spiritually or emotionally without their dysfunctional support system.
The narcissist is very weak, they must have others to validate them to feel significant and whole. One way they do this is to have a scapegoat in the family that they serially mob with put downs, mocking and intimidation.
The narcissist is easily identified, they are the ones who criticize every single thing you do, literally all the time. If you bring a casserole to the family potluck the narcissist might say something like: "why did you bring that." Rather than thanking you for participating they will find a reason you should have brought something else.
Even your good acts are mocked, demeaned and gossiped about as bad, if you are the scapegoat in the family.
I remember a case in which a woman went to see her aging mother. This woman wanted to bless her mother through time with her and showing her something she had never seen before. The scapegoat woman of the family suggested her mother take a look at the new laptop computer that she purchased. The elderly mother had never seen a home computer let alone one that could be carried out of the house. The response of the narcissistic mother to the scapegoat daughter was, "no I'm not interested in that." Then a few weeks later the golden child of the narcissistic mother bragged to the scapegoat daughter that the golden child son came to visit and what fun they had looking at his laptop.
You see, when someone has been identified as the family scapegoat, even their kind acts to bless will be turned down. The narcissist does not want to bless the scapegoat with validation by accepting kindness from them.
The narcissistic mother of the scapegoat will buy a birthday gift and then tell the scapegoat daughter how she must use the gift. There is never any peace and every kind act from the narcissist has strings attached.
When this woman grew up, over the years she began to realize how irrational the contempt and gossip was, learning over time that these tactics that had been used against her all her life, were not really because she was defective as the family wanted her to believe, in fact just the opposite was true.
The narcissist in her family were demeaning and mocking her to elevate self. Without praise and a sense of superiority of others the narcissist wilts and shrivels inside. They must have this sense of higher rank than the scapegoat in order to feel whole.
On the other hand the scapegoat, having been shamed and demeaned all her life can live without the continual praise and superiority. For the healed scapegoat there is a sense of total freedom from the dictates of others, total freedom to be authentic. The burden of impressing others is not there as it is with the narcissist who dries up inside without the approval of others.
If you have been a family scapegoat, things don't make any sense, no matter what you do you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. The purpose has been all along to shame you into elevating the narcissist. Anyone who dares to be authentic and secure within themselves must be put in her place by the narcissists.
When the narcissist cannot dominate and influence through shaming their target, that is when they move to turn others against the scapegoat, abuse by proxy.
We may think this is a new thing, but it is not, Christ and the apostles experienced these very tactics by those who hated truth. Don't think you are going to escape the same treatment. The closer we are to Christ, the more we speak the truth, the more we will be hated by those who have contempt for the truth and for the security we feel in our souls.
When we understand these things, the more we realize, the less affected by these people we become. We are getting stronger all the time while the narcissist is getting weaker. They do not improve with age, they become worse and more resilient to improvement.
When I have to be with some of these people I like to observe as though watching a movie, rather than take seriously anything that is happening, I watch and note the traits that I am seeing. Mostly I avoid them now, but when I can't I see it as a time of teaching and growing.
Proverbs 18:2-3 "Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions. Doing wrong leads to disgrace, and scandalous behavior brings contempt."
Proverbs 1:5-7 "Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. Let those with understanding receive guidance by exploring the meaning in these proverbs and parables, the words of the wise and their riddles. Fear of the LORD is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline."
Yes, the narcissists are fools according to the Word of God. Their mentality is the same as that of the devil who wanted to be powerful over God. If the narcissist does not repent, and most of the time they will not, then their fate is the same as that of the fool. The narcissist has contempt in their heart for their targets, that contempt will be their undoing one day, if not right now.
Proverbs 10:18-19 "He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool. In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise."
Proverbs 12:22-23 "Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight. A prudent man concealeth knowledge: but the heart of fools proclaimeth foolishness."
Let's see every negative encounter with the narcissist as an opportunity to become even stronger, putting into practice the principles of God as we deal with them. This will require that we know our Bibles. So scapegoats, get busy reading the Word of God and seeking the Holy Spirit to be strengthened. We are in boot camp, let's make it count for eternity.
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