"Putting up with abuse to avoid more abuse is irrational" (taken from an internet counselor), the abuse is going to happen anyway so might as well as minimize the abuse by removing yourself and refusing to engage with contentious people.
Over time the more we control our emotions around contentious people the less we will have to deal with in them. Those who get no reaction must give up, they cannot argue with themselves.
This concept is Biblical, God tells us to remove ourselves from those who refuse to reason and those who love to fight.
Proverbs 26:20-21 "20 Without wood, a fire goes out; without gossip, a conflict ceases. 21 Like charcoal for embers and wood for fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife."
I have heard young people boast to me that they love a good argument. Sadly their idea of argument is nothing more than "one up man-ship" to gain control over others emotions. They have no desire to learn truth, to discuss truth or to discover another person's perspective, their only aim is to appear superior and dominate.
If you are over 50, I am quite sure you have encountered these people. When they are in the room there is no rest for anyone, what was good turns ugly as soon as these people open their mouths.
Proverbs 18:2
"A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion."
With the onset of the self esteem teaching we see a growing mentality of contentiousness, so much so it seems almost normal. At one time this sort of person was the strange and selfish fringe element of our culture. But now it is mainstream and common.
Proverbs 29:11
"A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back."
Gracious people listen to discover the message and respond in truth. Winning a conversation is not important to the gracious person, only learning about others and enhancing truth is what is important.
Proverbs 18:6
"A fool's lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating."
Proverbs 29:9
"If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet."
The fool mocks, demeans and antagonizes others to elevate himself. He is so foolish that he thinks to be a superior person he must devalue others. Knowing truth is not nearly as important to the fool as "appearing" to know the truth. Appearances are far more important to the fool than truth or love.
The fool only loves those who elevate them, but it is not real love, it is a friendliness that only lasts as long as their friend praises and worships them. This person is easily discerned, all one has to do is mildly disagree with them and the rage emerges like a storm out of no where.
We know how angry a superior minded person can get by watching the tactics of the devil. He hated that he could not be above God, so he rages every day against those who love God. Mocking, intimidating, manipulating and demeaning them any way he can to cause frustration and division.
This description of the devil is the same description of the foolish narcissist. Why? Because the foolish narcissist is controlled by the devil through his thoughts. The devil works on the minds of those who want to be superior. The devil appeals to the natural pride in a man, filling his head with all kinds of self aggrandizing thoughts while creating anger against those who will not worship him.
Ephesians 6:12-13 "12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this world's darkness, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore take up the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you will be able to stand your ground, and having done everything, to stand.…"
If you are a narcissist confess it to God and asked to be cleansed of it to be back in a right relationships with Him.
If you are the target of narcissists, confess the propensity to fight back with the narcissist as well as making them gods in your life every time you allowed them to manipulate you. When we allow these people to control our emotions we have made them gods in our lives. Get rid of the idols in our minds, choose to think with the mind of Christ and these self appointed gods will have no affect on our responses or our walk with Christ.
When we know what the narcissist is doing, then we become responsible to avoid feeding the beast. Do not fight with these disordered characters, do not validate their foolishness by responding to them. The more we respond, the more they are empowered to continue. We become enablers when we give them power through our responses.
Notice one things about these people, they never say, "you have a good point." They never say, "I am sorry I offended you", and they never admit when they were wrong, ever!!!!
Galatians 1:10 "10 Am I now seeking the approval of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."
Lastly, we must never allow the enablers of the narcissist to intimidate us into remaining in the room with the narcissist. There will be those who judge us as mean for not remaining friends with abusers. Those who are the enablers, the ones who validate the narcissist, must also be removed from our lives. They will pressure us to do what is against God to remain friends with wicked people.
Exodus 20:3-11
"3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me." God clearly says that we are not to hold any man in so regard that we follow that man instead of God's direction.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 tells us to remove ourselves from evil men, He even tells us just how bad they will become. Obey God not man.
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