A born again child of God never defends sin, they are ashamed when confronted with it. Many prideful pretenders today have no shame, justifying their sinful attitudes and actions, even becoming enraged and vengeful when they are told their need to repent.
So many people today will sin against others having no conscience over their actions expecting to return to the one they harmed and resume as though nothing ever happened. When they are told what they have done they become angry, gossip and vengeful against the one they harmed as though the victim is responsible to resume the relationship.
This mentality is called the "sweet mean cycle" used by those who are not sorry for their actions but want to resume the relationship. This cycle is one in which the one who sins continually harms someone, comes back as though nothing happened never confessing their sin, not even sorry for what they did. In fact if confronted with what they did they lash out for further abuse.
Our relationships must be based on love and truth. When someone operates from lack of remorse and continual disrespect then it is time to exit leaving them to God.
Loving someone from afar can be much more valuable than remaining to be on an emotional roller coaster ride in which we never know what the next harmful thing will happen and are unable to believe the kindness that is phony. Without confession of sin there is no evidence that anything will change permanently in the way we are treated.
Matthew 18: 15=18 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed.
17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
18 Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven."
In our day this is an impossible task because there are no churches to turn to who will support the victims. Church discipline is not only rare it is discouraged by most churches. The "just love them in their sin" mantra is in the mouths of most church goers and leaders today.
Sin grows because it is not dealt with and victims are left alone, often even discouraged or mistreated for their desire to handle things Biblically through church discipline.
Those who practice the sweet/mean cycle can never be trusted, since there is no indication of sorrow over their deeds.
It has been my experience that the born again believer hates ever hurting anyone. They take a lot from rude people and rarely return rudeness in defense of themselves. If they do on rare occasion slip and return anger they feel terrible about it and will apologize to correct it. The narcissist never apologizes, is never genuinely sorry and continues the same path of the cycle they have always done.
1 John 3:8-10 "…8 The one who practices sin is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the very start. This is why the Son of God was revealed, to destroy the works of the devil. 9 Anyone born of God refuses to practice sin, because God’s seed abides in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God. 10 By this the children of God are distinguished from the children of the devil: Anyone who does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is anyone who does not love his brother.…'
I know several if not lots of people who do harm to others, if only in the form of gossip against them who feel justified and without remorse for their mean spirited machinations. Often they concoct an idea of the one for whom they have contempt and say it so often they actually begin to believe their own lies. Then they pass these lies onto others for support.
A born again believer hates gossip, they hate contention, mocking and demeaning, they do not do it to anyone because the Holy Spirit in them would immediately convict them of their sin.
Sometimes the narcissist will not like that we have withdrawn so they will enter the sweet cycle to stave off any bad feelings about themselves while fooling their target that they still like them. But it is calculated, temporary and will be repeated only as needed to draw the target back into to be further abused.
Proverbs 22:24-25 "24 Do not make friends with an angry man, and do not associate with a hot-tempered man, 25 or you may learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.…'
We love everyone even those who abuse us, but it is foolish to become constant companions with them when there is no sincere confession of sin in the relationship. We can love everyone, but we must love the narcissist from afar through prayer.
It has been my experience that remaining in company with those who are bent on taring you down will not cause them to repent, it only further enables them. God must deal with them his way without you.
Isaiah 26:10 "10 Though grace is shown to the wicked man, he does not learn righteousness. In the land of righteousness he acts unjustly and fails to see the majesty of the LORD. "
God said to pray for those who persecute you. If you have to be in their presence show them kindness but if you do not have to be around them it is wise and prudent to avoid them if possible.
Titus 3:9-11 "9 But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, arguments, and quarrels about the law, because these things are pointless and worthless. 10 Reject a divisive man after a first and second admonition, 11 knowing that such a man is corrupt and sinful; he is self-condemned.…"
God never expected us to accept all people as our friends who cross our paths. We are to be wise in the choice of our constant companions. We are stronger when we have companions who love God and follow His principles. These are our support system and we are theirs.
Proverbs 13:19-20 "…19 Desire fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but turning from evil is detestable to fools. 20 He who walks with the wise will become wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed. "
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