The decision of the Supreme Court this week gave us a shock and dismay almost beyond the ability to express it.
My husband is a former state representative, he and I worked 20 years in our fight against abortion and the proliferation of pornography. We cared deeply about our country while doing what we could to thwart the tide of filth, murder and immorality, in the hopes that those in the seats of power would come to their senses or be replaced by those who understood the value of these things.
We flew the American flag on our house for years in support of a country that afforded us the freedoms we have and provided jobs along with every other blessing that we had. We were grateful to God for our blessing of living in America, even with all the warts and flaws we thought we could somehow make a difference.
As my husband and I were out for a drive this afternoon, he boldly stated to me that he would never fly the American flag again unless he flew it upside down. An upside down American flag is an expression of a country in distress. The upside down flag is not used very often but when it is a ship is sinking or a war has broken out, the flag has been place upside down as a warning and to express grief.
We no longer have a flag, but if we did we would fly it upside down, our country is in deep distress as if it has been taken over by a dictatorial regime. As one communist leader once said "we will take down America without firing a shot."
I wonder now, do the American people have any idea that we are no longer America, with a government that rules over the people, instead of the people ruling over the nation?
We are living in a time of dire distress, it is time for believers to pray for souls to become born again before Christ returns.
There is a dynamic that is infecting marriages like a storm, not all parties involved understand what is going on, that is the manipulation of narcissists to elevate their "golden child" and devalue their "scapegoat."
The "golden child" is the favored parent and the "scapegoat" is the target of contempt. These terms are most used to describe a parent narcissist that favor one child over another, but in this case study I want to relate it to adult children who are narcissists attempting to pit one parent against another.
Often in marriage relationships there is an adult child, sometimes more than one, who see one parent as the "golden child" and the other parent as the "scapegoat."
The adult child sees the "golden child (parent)" as the one who elevates them, mirrors their thinking while rarely displaying disagreement with the narcissist child. This parent is seen as someone who can do no wrong.
With the "scapegoat" (parent) the adult child sees them as someone who can do no right. Everything this parent does is worthy of disrespect, dismissiveness and the silent treatment and even vengeful acts to provoke them, usually covertly so they can deny it later, since they do it when no one else is present.`
Why is one parent treated as the golden child while the other parent treated as the scapegoat? The answer is obvious when we have been the objects of this kind of gaslighting and manipulation. There are many people who have seen this but are not sure about what they are looking at, or think they may have done something wrong to deserve this disrespectful treatment. I am here to encourage the scapegoat parent.
The adult child is favoring one parent over the other because one parent is passive, almost never criticizing, correcting or disagreeing with the adult child, while the other parent speaks their mind and occasionally disagrees. Disagreement in the mind of the narc, is completely unacceptable and worthy or wrath.
All that is necessary for one parent to be treated as a scapegoat is to be themselves, not allowing their child to control them through manipulation and dishonor. Narcissists cannot tolerate anyone they cannot control. If they perceive that they can do no wrong through one parent, they will value that parent almost to the point of worship while devaluing the other parent who will not be controlled by them and who speaks the truth.
The narc has such a high opinion of themselves that they will devalue anyone who will not come under their control. Often they will pit one parent against another by their favoritism.
It is possible to thwart the plots and plans of these narcissistic controllers when both parents understand what is going on and refuse to bite. When the favored parent realizes that the scapegoat parent is being devalued, they can step up to the plate and defend the scapegoat to preserve the marriage.
The desire of the narc is to get one parent to despise the other, they must feel as though the favored parent hates the scapegoat parent as much as they do. They will lie against their target, malign their character and use every trick possible to turn the favored parent against the scapegoat, all the while pretending to be the sweet, loving and innocently kind, they are far from innocent and their kindness only goes so far as their ability to control someone.
Often the acts of meanness are covert, under the radar to anyone else looking on, but clearly evident to the target parent. Those who are adept at this subject of covert narcissistic tactics will see it, when others can not see it.
Have you ever wondered why two people can look at the same situation and evaluate it in opposite terms? It is because each person is viewing the situation based on their own mindset. One person despises the person they see and judges something wrong or bad about the person involved but another person who likes that person will see nothing wrong.
A good example is the story of a woman who was seen in a restaurant with another man, not her husband. The person who saw her immediately judged her as having an affair. This person didn't like the woman so his judgment was that she was being unfaithful. Walking away he deciding to believe what he thought, without any investigation and treated the woman with disdain the next time he saw her.
Another person who knew the woman and liked her, saw the encounter in a restaurant and assumed that the man she was with was a friend or brother. Because she did not suspect her of anything wrong she was able to walk up to the table, say hello become introduced by her friend to the man she was with, to learn that the man was her doctor who had seen her there and approached her for a simple cup of coffee, there was no affair.
When we have contempt for someone, all that we see from afar will be judged based on little or no information, courting the arrogant attitude that "I don't need to learn details here, I have all I need to continue to hate my target."
When we love someone and have trusted them, we will see the same situation as the hater, but seek to find out truth so that we are sure we don't make any wrong judgments. We initially assume that our friend is doing nothing wrong, there must be a good explanation.
Often busybodies want to know information that is none of their business to feed their own appetite for dirt, to be able to continue their malice and hatred for someone. Narcissists do not base their anger and hatred on anything of substance, it is based on their desire to control and manipulate those who will not fall under their spell of control.
Narcs evaluate life on the basis that everyone in their friendship sphere must think as they do, act as they do and say the things they say, they must be an extension of themselves to remain friends, in other words, they must lose their identity entirely to be treated with honor and respect, and it only comes because the narc thinks of them as extensions of themselves. Only those who are just like they are, can be worthy of honor and respect.
The most despised person to the narc is the one who thinks for themselves and will not elevate them to god like status.
God clearly instructs us to avoid such people, they have the ability, if we let them, to control our emotions, our relationship and our spiritual progress. The devil loves for us to let others do our thinking for us. He loves for us to allow evil selfish people to keep us in a constant state of turmoil, while they bask in the glory that dwells only in their own minds. It is an emotional high for the narc when they can make another person feel bad or give into their whims, a sort of perverse glee at the harm they can do.
This phenomena is growing in direct proportions to the self esteem teaching that became full blown in the '70's. With each step that has been taken to get people to believe they are wonderful and even godlike through flattery and support no matter what they do, has created a generation of selfish people who feel entitled to praise and worship. When they do not receive praise and worship, they become vengeful and angry, even concocting mistreatment against those who do not submit.
These are dangerous people, they have the ability to bring continual unhappiness and turmoil, robbing their target of joy, while accusing them of things that are not true.
Romans 3:4 "4 May it never be! Rather, let God be found true, though every man be found a liar, as it is written, “That You may be justified in Your words, And prevail when You are judged.”
Proverbs 19:9 "A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will perish."
Proverbs 13:5 "The righteous hates falsehood, but the wicked brings shame and disgrace."
Exodus 23"1 "“You shall not spread a false report. You shall not join hands with a wicked man to be a malicious witness."
James 3:14 "But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth."
Proverbs 30::5 "Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him."
2 Timothy 3:5 tells us to withdraw from those who are wicked and self absorbed.
Brothers and Sisters, if you encounter someone like this in your circle of friends, get away as fast as possible. Do not be afraid to admit that a narc is in your midst, calling their acts of covert meanness what they are and leaving them in the dust.
If the devil cannot work in a Christian marriage, he will attempt to send in Trojan horses to covertly undermine an otherwise stable and loving marriage.
James 4:7 "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."
It is interesting to note that a covert narc will run from anyone who will not submit to their control or give in to their manipulation. I believe it is entirely possible that every covert narcissist is controlled by the devil, if not possession at least by oppression. I am also convinced that a true believer who has the Holy Spirit living in them could not be a narcissist.
2 Corinthians 6:7 ""Therefore, COME OUT FROM THEIR MIDST AND BE SEPARATE," says the Lord. "AND DO NOT TOUCH WHAT IS UNCLEAN; And I will welcome you."
