Back in the sixties we were introduced to a saying, "If it feels good do it." Another one that comes to mind is "You've got to love yourself before you can love anyone else." Yet another one states that "We must have self-esteem to succeed in life." Others were, "You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others." And another, "It's silly to stay together (concerning marriage) for the sake of the children, if you are just going to fight anyway." Christians used to say, "they are going to listen to that terrible music when they go to their friends so I figure it is better to let them listen to it at home, at least I will know where they are and who they are with." All of these cleaver and deceptive sayings were mostly repeated by the secular community. In those days, the teaching of selfishness became paramount. We can see what it has produced. As Bill Gothard once said, "what parents do in moderation, children do in excess." Perhaps our parents were not trying to teach good principles a much as they were attempting to excuse and justify their own desires that did not match with godly principles. We loved them , but they passed to us a Narcessitic (completely selfish) attitude without realizing the end result of their teaching or their own real motivations.
In order to attempt to build confidence in our children as a nation, we have bought into the lie that the more we teach our children to think of themselves, the more successful they will be in life.
Unfortunately, these dictum's, have produced just the opposite effect. AND, sadly have slopped over into the Christian body. We do not repeat these sayings exactly as they are written here, but the notions are the same and the way in which we pamper our children are proof that we have been infected with the virus of secular thought. These ideas have been repackaged for the religious community to make them more appetizing. The secular body is now discovering what Christians should have known all along and have yet to learn. That when we pamper and indulge our children, they learn to become completely self absorbed.
It is important to test all things as the Word says. "Test all things, hold fast what is good."
1 Thessalonians 5:21.
Over the years I have tried to keep a mental list of some of the sayings that I have heard to analyze them, filtering them through the Word of God to see if they are true. One of the words that is still being bantied about is the word, "balance." The modern Christian says we need to make sure we are balanced." What does that actually mean? I don't know, because I fail to see this teaching anywhere in Scripture. Let's analize it a little. If we take everything we hear to the extreme of it's meaning, we can usually discern whether or not it has Scriptural validity. What does it mean to be balanced according to the American Heritage Dictionary? One defention would be "A condition in which all forces are canceled by equal and opposite forces or influences." Cancelled? Wow, it seems to be that if we maintain balance in our Scriptural beliefs we actually nullify the effect of the message we try to convey.
Shall we balance our good with our evil to make sure we do not become too fanatical. If we are commanded by God to gently correct or harshly rebuke six people, should we make sure that three are properly rebuked harshly and three are gently corrected? What if they are all rebellious and need sharp correction? Then we have failed to do what is necessary for three of the six. What if three need a gentle correction and we gently correct all six? Have we then failed to give three of them what was needed. If the Lord commands us to rebuke harshly a person, and we make sure that we are "balanced" with a little bit of tenderness, we have failed to obey God.
What is the answer to this? Our culture has neglected the scripture that commands a harsh rebuke when it is necessary. We like to be gentle all the time, which negates the Lord's commands to give a harsh rebuke. It has become rude in our society to correct even gently. Even though the Lord says "Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed." Prov. 27:5, Rebuke a wise man and he will love you." Prov. 9:8, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." Prov. 27:6
The defenition of love has been lost in our Christian culture. We think that love means the attempt to make a person feel good. When in fact, God's love may cause a person to hurt for a time, but in the long run it will produce charcter in the friend and enhance his walk with the Lord and even improve the friends relationships. In Proverbs 27:5, we see that love is concealed when we will not rebuke when it is necessary. We must love openly, with whatever action is necessary.
As a Christian culture, we have been infected with the virus of people pleasing. We have been conditioned to hate and fear strong rebuke. Why have we done this? We have been told by an unbelieving culture that it is mean to make someone feel bad, but if it is not God's teaching for a situation, we must "obey God rather than man."
We do not have to be balanced and figure out in our human minds what is needed in relationships, it is all in God's Word. We have taught human methods that promote human answers in our generation, with devestating effects.
If we trust the Holy Spirit, and have His Principles hidden in our hearts, then that is all we need to know. We do not need to know a persons background, his intentions or desires. All we need is the Holy Spirit to tell us what is needed at the right time. We don't even have to understand. There are no detailed formulas. At best, our human teaching has only guesses based on what we THINK we hear or see. The Holy Spirit knows the inner heart of a man and can tell us exactly what is needed for each individual. God gives us general principles and within those principles are infinate ways of handling situations.
A.W. Tozer said in his book, "The Root of Righteousness" , "it is easier to immitate than to originate." Originating is the job of the Holy Spirit, all we have to do is educate ourselves in God's Word and He does the guiding and directing. What is difficult for us is to submit and trust Him for our words and actions. We must walk closely with Him to discern a course of action for each individual and situation, that takes faith.
Mr. Tozer also writes, "Mankind appears to have a positive genius for twisting truth until it ceases to be truth and becomes down right falsehood. By over emphasizing in one place and underemphasizing in another. The whole pattern of truth may be so altered that a completely false view results without our being aware of it." I believe this is what has happened with the words, "we have to be careful" and "we need to be sure to be balanced." There is no need for careful if we pray and trust the Holy Spirit, and there is no need to be sure we are balanced. Truth is truth and lie is lie, if we can tell the difference we just need to do the right thing according to His Word and seeking the Holy Spirit for the specifics of situations.
Satan is cleaver and we are gullible. Our error in relationships today, is in beleiveing all the lies that have come down to us through psychology. These lies are even taught in our seminaries. We need to stop trusting the Psychologists and begin trusting Christ for our descisions concerning relationships. We may lose friends who do not want to obey God, but those that remain will be the ones who love the Lord and love His chastening. Those are the friends that we want to be there for us when we need correction. There will be no need for harsh rebuke if we desire to develop true friendships with people who will care more about our inner well being than they do about their own comfort level. The harsh rebukes are for the stubborn and the scoffers. Let's care about one another so deeply that we are willing to be transparent ourselves. Who would we hide from, God!! He already knows all about us. Isn't He the one that matters most of all!!
Gwendolyn
