In our modern-day of independent-minded people, very few are willing to be corrected or rebuked for the improvement of their souls.
It is through rebuke that we learn about ourselves things that perhaps we had not noticed. As long as we are going along and getting along we barely notice the flaws that others will not dare to mention.
We also live in a day when a rebuke only happens when we are doing what is right in God's eyes. There are few if any rebukes for those who are defying God or common sense morality.
Luke 17:4 tells us how we are to operate in life, not for our own good but for the good of others and the entire culture which looks on as we move through life.
Luke 17:4
"4 And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”
We do not forgive to make anyone feel better about their sin. Nor do we forgive to make ourselves feel a little more "self-righteous."
Confession of sin and forgiveness is for the purpose of reconciling a relationship and growing into a better person. There is no growth in the one who sins freely without consequences. There is no growth in the person who tolerates sin for a mere feeling of superiority.
Broken relationships are not fixed when no one will face the problems with a genuine interest in repairing them.
If a relationship cannot be fixed because the offender will not confess and stop the sin there is no reconciliation. If we were to say, "I forgive you", the relationship remains broken because there was no acknowledgment of an offense.
We must rebuke once and leave the response to the rebuke to the offender.
Rebuke, Confession, and Forgiveness are good things that cause spiritual and emotional growth, they are God's design for relationships. Both are necessary so that both parties learn to humble themselves and start new.
It is not humility to forgive without requiring confession, it is pride in God's eyes.
1 Corinthians 5:1-2 "5 It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and sexual immorality of such a kind as does not exist even among the Gentiles, namely, that someone has his father’s wife. 2 [a]You have become [b]arrogant and [c]have not mourned instead, so that the one who had done this deed would be removed from your midst."
Those who were in the Corinth gathering were awful proud about being humble, they were pridefully tolerating the sin in the body. This is the same mentality today for those who prance about boasting of how forgiving they are toward unrepentant sin.
When we base our actions on "feelings" we will be fostering and encouraging even enabling in the culture that grows sin everywhere. The more we tolerate the more the sin grows.
Proverbs 27:5-6
"5 Better is open rebuke
than hidden love.
6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
profuse are the kisses of an enemy."
Matthew 18:15 "15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother."
Matthew 18:16-17 "…16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, regard him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. "
It is my contention that in our day of "feelings over facts", the rational and effective way of dealing with problems in relationships has been eliminated in favor of superficial and useless feelings. Even worse than useless, toleration fosters entitlement, entitlement to sin all one wants for the lack of consequences or challenge.
If we love our brother or sister in Christ we tell them their fault against us to restore what was lost in the offense. Trust is lost, companionship is lost, integrity is lost only to remain lost until someone says something like "I am so sorry I harmed you." And, the other says "I forgive you." Both expressions of humility are necessary. Believe it or not, this fixes things, it restores all that was lost, however, if it is genuine it must be sincere so that the offense never happens again.
When we love someone we want more than temporary feelings that come and go as quickly as a breeze. We want lasting and authentic emotional and spiritual growth in those we love. This takes courage and hard work. It may cause the loss of a friend who is not willing to look with honesty at themselves. We may suffer loss and often do.
When we obey God we will suffer losses but we also gain so very much more. We gain a clear conscience, we gain true friends who walk in integrity and spiritual and emotional growth. It is actually possible for two people in a relationship to grow alongside one another, but it takes both parties desiring the same things, that is integrity towards God.
Proverbs 10:9
"Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out."
What is integrity: It is far more than just words. It is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. These morals must not be subject to our feelings or any rejection we might fear. We cannot be courageous full of integrity if we fear the reactions of those who do not walk in integrity.
Proverbs 29:25 "25 The fear of man is a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is set securely on high."
One must place God above everyone else and even ourselves in order to walk in integrity.
