Jimmy Evans – Growing Together– The Four Laws of Love

How to Keep Your Marriage Flying High

Do Not Feed the Lion!

When we have had to live with narcissistic people we become programmed to think a certain way. That way is that we are beneath those in the household and unworthy to be loved.

When we are free from the narcissists we have to pray our way through to victory over the fleshly feelings that became so big a part of our existence from childhood into adulthood. The feelings of abandonment, rejection, distrust and worthlessness were a part of our very being, to the point that we thought there was no escape. There was no help and no love to be found anywhere.

The trick is to stay close to God no matter what the narcissists are doing or saying so that when we respond it is in the Holy Spirit and not in our flesh. This is a challenge because our flesh gets emotional and sometimes to the point of a meltdown into a puddle on the floor if we allow it to have its head.

This is why I tell people to ignore their feelings, they seldom bring resolution and more often than not in this world they cause the narcissistic culture to think we are weak. They are right to a degree, leaning into our feelings will leave us weak and vulnerable. Say your feelings to a trusted friend, be honest but do not allow those feelings to dominate your actions or attitudes, they can lead to bitterness and defeat.

Once we realize what we are dealing with and that it is not about us we can remain calmer and less emotional.

Do we become emotional at the zoo when a lion roars at us? No, because we know he is a lion, that's what he does. It has no emotional pull on us, except maybe to laugh.

When we can see things through the lens of the Bible objectively and logically we are unaffected by personal attacks.

Are we mad at the lion if we climb inside the cage and he attacks us? NO, we realize how foolish it was to get in that cage with that lion knowing he was dangerous.

This is how we should view narcissists, they are wild animals without self-control attempting to eat everyone who does not bow to them. Or anyone who does not stand still and allow them their food.

Do not be food for the narcissist, do not allow them to goad you into rash irrational reactions. Do not answer them when they are being ridiculous. Do not feel sad when they act like a lion, after all, this is who they are, there is no response or reasoning with a hungry lion. I would say don't even waste time being angry at the lion, he is doing what lions do, without regard for anyone else but his personal desire to dominate.

Let the lion be a lion, stand by, and watch the show but do not suck it into your soul.

Proverbs 29:8-10 "…8 Mockers inflame a city, but the wise turn away anger. 9 If a wise man goes to court with a fool, there will be raving and laughing with no resolution. 10 Men of bloodshed hate a blameless man, but the upright care for his life.…"

Proverbs 18:2

"A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion."

Narcissists are fools, they gain nothing except in their own mind from their foolishness. They will cut off their nose to spite their face and think they are in control of others.

Proverbs 1:7

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction."

Proverbs 10:14

"The wise lay up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool brings ruin near."

God tells us not to bother communicating with fools, any conversation at all will be food for them to start an argument.

Proverbs 23:8 "…8You will vomit up what little you have eaten and waste your pleasant words. 9 Do not speak to a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of your words. "

You may not be able to run always from the narcissist but you can remain in control of your actions, your speech, and your emotions so as not to become food for the narcissist.

Proverbs 29:9

"If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet."

Ecclesiastes 7:9

"Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools."

Proverbs 14:7-9

"Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge. The wisdom of the prudent is to discern his way, but the folly of fools is deceiving. Fools mock at the guilt offering, but the upright enjoys acceptance."

Remember to pray for the narcissist, we cannot change them but God can place people and events in their lives that help them to see their need for repentance and salvation.

Titus 3:3

"For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another."

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 "9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God."

I know it's hard to grasp but God can save the vilest sinner without our help. After all, He saved us!!!!