I thought it was just me, that something was wrong with me, that no one wanted to iron out difficulties or understand why things were said and done.
Over the years, I began to realise this was not about me at all, but the cultural training that nearly everyone went through. The general sense of things was that everyone only spoke happy things and usually about themselves, to "keep the peace." In other words, there was no peace unless everyone was schmoozing up to everyone else.
This morning, as I was listening to a news cast on the radio, the commentator mentioned the culture in Thanksgiving gatherings. He said that the average family gathering had two arguments and at least one person walking out because of the quarrels. In the state of Oregon, the most irrational and liberal state of all, it had double the arguments and double the people walking out.
SO!!!!! Why do families get together on the holidays at all? My guess is that everyone gets together for the most part to boast and impress others, not because they have a deep abiding love for anyone.
In a narcissistic culture, everything is done to impress, and when this does not work, there is fighting. One person has to appear special and superior to the others, and sadly, in a narcissistic culture, the others are all doing the same thing, talking and appearing to be listening, but with little or no interest in the other person.
Judges 21:25 " 25 In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes."
2 Timothy 4:2-4 "…2 Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and encourage with every form of patient instruction. 3 For the time will come when men will not tolerate sound doctrine, but with itching ears they will gather around themselves teachers to suit their own desires. 4 So they will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths."
In our modern day, when the seminaries know that people don't listen unless the discussion is about them, they have developed a humanistic approach to the gospel in which they shmooze people, attempting to get them to hear the gospel.
Sadly, this approach leads to the preachers becoming like the ones they are desiring to reach instead of influencing those they massage with flattery.
Romans 16:18 "18 For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive."
1 Thessalonians 2:5 "5 For we never came with words of flattery, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed — God is witness."
Luke 17:33 "33 Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it."
If we have to have tricks to entice someone to listen to us then it is not really in their heart. Those who respond to the gospel must want to hear to be influenced.
We are living in the 2 Timothy 3 days, when people are generally so arrogant that they cannot hear, no matter what scheme we use to make them listen.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "Difficult Times Will Come
3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."
My question would be why do families continue to attend gatherings where people fight?
Believers have the option of not attending gatherings in which family members act like enemies.
2 Corinthians 6:17 "17 Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate,” says the Lord. “And do not touch what is unclean;
And I will welcome you."
To bring to a gathering an unsaved person where the people are all Christians and do not fight would be better than for one Christian to attend a full gathering of heathens.
2 Corinthians 6:17 "17 Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you,"
1 Corinthians 15:33 "Do not be deceived: 'Bad company corrupts good morals.”
We have seen a dramatic decline in the stability of the family in the past two generations because of the dynamic of promoting self-esteem that has morally, spiritually and emotionally bankrupted the human soul.
People are hypersensitive to criticism, which is why we see so many elderly people who have attended church gatherings all their life but bear little resemblance to the Spirit-filled person who lives all the fruit of the Spirit.
Most Christians today look exactly like the world, with a few sins they won't do for appearances' sake, but violate more of the scriptures than they obey, thinking they are wildly good without flaws.
Modern Christianity reflects the heart of most church attendees today, superficial, unproductive with the gospel and leaning more toward social clubs that entertain.
We live in a day much like the days of Noah when everyone did what was right in their own eyes and no one would listen. Only eight people were on that ark when God closed the door and there were many relatives in the flooding waters below who heard the words of Noah but resisted him and God.
1 Peter 3:20 "who once were disobedient when the patience of God kept waiting in the days of Noah, during the construction of the ark, in which a few, that is, eight persons, were brought safely through the water."
We have lived all our lives in this culture of narcissism, we have a hard time wrapping our heads around the idea that it is just like the days of Noah. When something is familiar to us, it seems safe, but in reality is a train wreck.
We must pray for people as led by the Holy Spirit, but it is dangerous to remain constant companions with those who have rejected Christ.
God commands us to gather with one another, which every way we choose and how often we choose, as well as the command to distance ourselves from unsaved family.
