Karen Long said: Jesus himself gave us a three-step model of forgiveness among believers in the Gospel of Luke. He said: "Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him" (Lk. 17:3-4) (emphasis added).
Step One: Rebuke -- Jesus clearly tells us that if a "brother," meaning a believer, sins against us, we are first to rebuke him. What does this mean? To rebuke is to criticize sharply, to reprimand. This plays nicely into the Christian principle of speaking the truth in love. To rebuke a brother is not an act done with a hateful or prideful heart. No. In fact, it could easily be compared to the behavior of a loving mother correcting her child for a behavior that will bring harm to her child and/or others. She may raise her voice and speak sternly, but she does so with a loving heart and tongue. We are to rebuke our brothers privately, and with humble hearts.
Step Two: Repentance -- Jesus tells us that our forgiveness is conditional upon the brother's repentance after the rebuke. To repent in the broad biblical sense is to turn away from sin. Repentance is not simply a reform of one's behavior, although genuine repentance ultimately results in reformed behavior. Instead, repentance is the sincere feeling of remorse, and a heartfelt search for forgiveness. A believer does not get to that place without first feeling the burden of Holy Spirit conviction. The natural response of a believer to Holy Spirit conviction is acknowledgement that one has sinned, followed by true remorse and repentance. The kind of repentance God demands, knowing the interaction of the indwelling Holy Spirit with His children, is one that has visible results to others: fruits. The great Apostle Paul discussed his gospel with King Agrippa, saying "that they should repent and turn to God, doing works worthy of repentance" (Acts 26:20). Also, John the Baptist said, "Bring forth therefore fruits worthy of repentance" (Lk. 3:8). True repentance is always evident and visible through the changed hearts and fruit bearing works of the repentant. That kind of transformation is evident to believers and unbelievers alike. It's obvious to all who interact with the person and witness his or her daily conduct. Jesus gives us more insight into this dilemma when he spoke these words:
"Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them" (Mat. 18:15-20).
In the practical and relational sense, repentance begins with the offender recognizing his or her wrongdoing. This recognition always includes an admission of guilt to the offended party. The person who has committed the offense is required to confess the wrongdoing and express remorse to the offended person for the sinful acts. Afterwards, the offender is to make a commitment not to repeat the offense. Ultimately, the purpose of this process is to express guilt and remorse to the offended person in an attempt to gain forgiveness so that the two people can repair the relationship. Without this process being fulfilled in its entirety, forgiveness is impossible.
Step Three: Forgiveness -- If the first two steps have been completed, and the fruits of sincere repentance have been observed, Jesus commands the offended party to forgive his brother, as He has forgiven us. When someone has wronged us, there needs to be an accounting for this wrong. The offender needs to acknowledge the offense so that there can be reconciliation. Ignoring or rationalizing or minimizing sin is yet another form of sin, and must be avoided.
