It is not true that "hurt people hurt people." Mean people hurt people. Many hurt people choose to be the opposite of those who have chosen rudeness and meanness to control others.
The purpose of hurting people to elevate self comes from the playbook of the devil. He couldn't stand that God loved Adam and Eve so much that He made a special garden for them to live in, and that the devil did whatever he could to ruin the relationship between The couple and God. The devil's goal to was destroy the lovely relationship between God and His human beings because of the devil's jealousy toward mankind.
We see this in human relationships today. There are those who are jealous and controlling and attempt to interject themselves in the marriages of others to destroy the relationship between two people who love one another.
These people who are destroyers make up their own rules that God never made and impose them on everyone around them. Their goal is to appear superior and to cause division in relationships.
The destroyers cannot stand that others have love and kindness, empathy and goodness, they must do something to ruin what they themselves do not have.
Destroyers have all kinds of unbiblical advice and a sense of superiority but cannot take instruction from others. They are hypocrites.
I cannot count the number of times I have seen narcissistic family members attempt to place their own standards, which are not from God, on the marriages of others, as though they are the ultimate authority on marriage. These people must be removed from marriages, they destroy what God has built for no other reason than to control others.
Romans 8:6-8
"6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, 7 because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, 8 and those who are in the flesh cannot please God."
Jealousy and envy are close cousins. Envy is when we want what someone else has and jealousy is when we don't want others to have what we want.
Both are destructive and both ruin all relationships they touch. Those who are jealous or envious lack good sense because neither element of ungodliness gets the possessor of them anything except temporary feelings that lead to death.
The jealous or envious person gains nothing from their bitterness and tactics of ruin. And yet, the devil convinces those who are bitterly angry about the good that happens to others that they should have that good and the others do not deserve it.
It is jealousy and envy that drives the attitudes and actions of those who must have control over others.
One of the signs of a kind and loving person is their happy reaction to the blessings God gives others. Those who have the love of Christ feel joy deeply when their friend is blessed by God. Those who have the love of Christ feel deeply when someone else is hurting. We are invested in the hearts of our friends, so much so that we are willing to grieve with them and rejoice with them. They are Spiritually a part of us because we are both in Christ, He is the motivator for all this love.
Romans 12:15
"15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep."
An envious and jealous person will hate the good that happens to others. They will discount and dismiss the heartaches that others encounter. Their goal is to cause deep unwarranted sorrow in the one they hate, and yes, it is hatred.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant.
5 It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered,
6 it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
We know what the love of Christ looks like when we see it and we know what the false love of the devil looks like when we see that.
The devil will pretend to love to disarm a believer, he will use covert rudeness disguised as concern to further agitate the target of his hatred. They will use false guilt to make someone feel inferior or lacking in strength. Dismissiveness and rude tones of voice are used to make us think we have done something wrong when nothing was wrong.
The devil will also place in the minds of those he controls that every good deed had a bad motive or that every thought expressed was to harm, even when the expressions were natural, normal and acceptable to anyone with a normal mindset.
When someone hates us every single utterance is interpreted in the mindset of the one who hates, they can never be accurate about discussions or interactions.
2 Corinthians 2:11
"11 so that no advantage would be taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes."
1 John 4:1 "Testing the Spirits
"4 Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world."
The devil will send those who operate as though they are the authority in our lives to intimidate us into following them. Remember there is only one Authority in our lives and that is the Holy Spirit Who lives in us. The controlling person wants to take the place of the Holy Spirit, demanding all kinds of things God never said to do.
2 Corinthians 11:13-15
"13 For such men are false apostles, deceitful workers, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. 14 No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. 15 Therefore it is not surprising if his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness, whose end will be according to their deeds."
These false believers will attempt to force a friendship on their terms, shaping us into their mold unbiblically dominating others.
If we are sensing pressure to do things we know God never told us to do, this is the time to rebuke the person doing it and if they will not listen remove them.
Those who are attempting to interject into your marriage with unbiblical rules will pull us away from the guidance of the Holy Spirit. They are attempting to be the Holy Spirit for us, ignoring much of scripture to justify their control over others.
Never allow intimidation to have its root. When someone attempts to intimidate, mock, demean or disrespect us, these are clues we are dealing with a devil and must remove them from our lives.
Proverbs 14:12
"12 There is a way that appears to be right,
but in the end it leads to death."
When someone is attempting to drag you back into legalism with the purpose of controlling your emotions, this is a very important clue that they must be removed from your life.
Remember legalism is following man's rules God never commanded, it is obedience that leads us to follow God's principles from the Bible.
We will notice that those who have misinterpreted the bible to fit their desired narrative will coerce, punish, and gossip against anyone who does not obey them.
So many people think they need to help God out by going beyond what He commanded to keep people in line. No human being should attempt to keep others in line, it is the Holy Spirit Who does that work. Yes, we can express our concerns but we have no business battering others to do things our way when God never commanded what we believe.
Matthew 4:8-11 shows how the devil will work to ruin what God is doing in your life by sending demons to accuse you and torment you with doubt. We don't have to give in to the fleeting thoughts of doubt, when we walk with Christ we can see easily with discernment when a devil is doing this and can simply reject it.
"Religious" spirits are those who have rules and regulations they want you to follow but have no use for scriptural proof, these are those we should avoid.
May we be strong in the Lord, so much so that the tactics of the devil have no effect, and even make us more powerful in our walk with Christ.
