Something I have been dealing with my entire life, I am sure many others deal with it too. The desire to clear things up rationally with gossips has been lifelong, however, there is a sense of impossibility about it. People love to gossip and they love to believe gossip.
There has been some confusion about what "gossip" is. I am quite sure it is not gossip to tell friends what has personally happened to us, nor is it gossip to warn others about a person who has proven to be a danger to us and others.
There is a form of gossip that has destroyed many relationships while leaving innocent people devastated, that is rushing to tell someone what others have said about them.
We should never tell someone what someone else said about them, it is damaging to relationships and at best innaccurrate.
Second hand information is almost always distorted and embellished with lies. Those who believe the information that is not only second hand, but most likely embellished are engaging in gossip by the hearing of it.
Sadly I have known destroyed relationships because of what someone else told them, what someone said about them, when the information wasn't even accurrate.
Comments made innocently can be embellished to such a degree that very little truth is left in the telling. Usually information is passed on with the attitudes of those gossiping, not the way in which the comments were offered. Those who do this are acting like "tattle tales" while spinning the information in a way that causes anger in the hearer. There can be no other reason for "tattling" on others, except to gain the approval of the hearer.
The heartbreaking thing is that many people choose to believe the embellished version without ever speaking to the one who has been accused of saying something about them.
What is the solution to this problem of gossip to alert others of what is being said about them, is quite simply this; when someone comes to tell you something someone else said about you, politely decline to hear it.
I have to question the heart of someone who wants to hurt others by passing on words that were supposedly said about them. There is an underlying motive to cause division and anger, even hate in those they tell.
The motive is likely, to gain the allegiance and maintain the front position of the friendship. If the gossip can get you to "appreciate" them telling you and turn your anger toward the one who said something about you, then they have managed to break up a friendship and appear to be the only one you can trust.
This is narcissism at its worst, tale bearing is to inform others of what is being said about them, to gain the advantage as though they are your friend. A true friend never wants to hurt another friends by sharing information that they know will only cause hurt and anger.....and they do know it when they do it.
Sharing information like this solidifies the heart, leaving no possibility for learning truth and resolving a matter.
I am always saddened when someone believes something untrue about me, but will not come to me to clear things up. Choosing to believe the lies makes me question the friendship, it could not have been based on true friendship or they would have chosen not to believe it in the first place.
It is always good to remember to evaluate the motive of those who would come to tell us something, they know will hurt us.
Many things are shared in private with friends, that we don't want anyone else to hear, many things are shared in the heat of emotion with those we believe we can trust. For a friend to pass them on, without concern for where it may lead, is no friend at all.
Choose your friends carefully, a gossip will spin what you say to mean what they want it to mean rather than in the spirit in which it was offered. Those who listen to gossip without clarifying truth, are themselves gossips.
It has been my experience that the more bent against you someone is, the most likely they are to believe what is not true. The only things we can do is to withdraw from those people, they cannot be trusted and they will never love you.
Then pray for their soul. A man or woman of God, chooses to believe the best, unless something is proven.
Ephesians 4:29 "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."
Proverbs 16:28 "A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends."
Proverbs 6:16-19 "There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers."
Proverbs 20:19 "Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler."
Proverbs 18:8 "The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body."
Psalm 34:13 "Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit."
Psalm 101:5 "Whoever slanders his neighbor secretly I will destroy. Whoever has a haughty look and an arrogant heart I will not endure."
Titus 3:2 "To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people."
Proverbs 26:20 "For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases."
Proverbs 17:4 "An evildoer listens to wicked lips, and a liar gives ear to a mischievous tongue."
Proverbs 11:13 "Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered."
2 Timothy 2:16 "But avoid irreverent babble, for it will lead people into more and more ungodliness,"
Proverbs 10:18 "The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool."
Romans 1:29 "They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips,"
Exodus 23:1 "“You shall not spread a false report. You shall not join hands with a wicked man to be a malicious witness."
Proverbs 17:9 "Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends."
