"…20 For lack of wood the fire goes out, And where there is no whisperer, contention quiets down.
21 Like charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, So is a contentious man to kindle strife.
22 The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels, And they go down into the innermost parts of the body."
Wednesday, March 7, 2018
Engaging with the Narcissist is Foolish
The self righteous narcissist has no interest in hearing anyone else's viewpoint or explanation. They have only one goal in mind and that is to win, even though there is no prize except that they have managed to destroy a relationship and even delay their own growth.
Even if the arguing to win is nonsensical, even making themselves appear silly, they persist to win. Their idea of winning is leaving their target, or in their mind their enemy, in a state of frustration over not being allowed to speak their side or bring understanding.
When a reasonable humble person is confronted by the narcissist, the humble and kind person will exit the conversation to spare others in the room the discomfort of a shouting match.
Understanding is not very important to the narcissist. They don't care to understand anyone else, only that they remain superior to others through intimidation and mocking.
It has been my observation that narcissists are not very intelligent or they would realize they accomplish nothing of value through their tactics. They get to feel a false sense of superiority for a few minutes, until the next time they are in company and must do it all over again to keep the flow of false superiority perpetuated.
The narcissist has the mentality of a six year old, if we remember this we will feel silly bothering to argue with this childishness. Any form of discussion at all with a narcissist is an exercise in futility, brings nothing of value and only leave their target feelings drained and ugly.
Proverbs 29:8-10 "…8 Scorners set a city aflame, But wise men turn away anger. 9 When a wise man has a controversy with a foolish man, The foolish man either rages or laughs, and there is no rest. 10 Men of bloodshed hate the blameless, But the upright are concerned for his life.…'"
Narcissists are people of bloodshed, they argue to win, fight to intimidate and have no purpose or value in what they do. There is hatred, deep contempt in the one who acts like this, they are full of rage. To engage with them at all is foolish.
Even if the arguing to win is nonsensical, even making themselves appear silly, they persist to win. Their idea of winning is leaving their target, or in their mind their enemy, in a state of frustration over not being allowed to speak their side or bring understanding.
When a reasonable humble person is confronted by the narcissist, the humble and kind person will exit the conversation to spare others in the room the discomfort of a shouting match.
Understanding is not very important to the narcissist. They don't care to understand anyone else, only that they remain superior to others through intimidation and mocking.
It has been my observation that narcissists are not very intelligent or they would realize they accomplish nothing of value through their tactics. They get to feel a false sense of superiority for a few minutes, until the next time they are in company and must do it all over again to keep the flow of false superiority perpetuated.
The narcissist has the mentality of a six year old, if we remember this we will feel silly bothering to argue with this childishness. Any form of discussion at all with a narcissist is an exercise in futility, brings nothing of value and only leave their target feelings drained and ugly.
Proverbs 29:8-10 "…8 Scorners set a city aflame, But wise men turn away anger. 9 When a wise man has a controversy with a foolish man, The foolish man either rages or laughs, and there is no rest. 10 Men of bloodshed hate the blameless, But the upright are concerned for his life.…'"
Narcissists are people of bloodshed, they argue to win, fight to intimidate and have no purpose or value in what they do. There is hatred, deep contempt in the one who acts like this, they are full of rage. To engage with them at all is foolish.
Biblical Truth or Just the Culture
So many people claim things are Biblical when in fact they are only repeating what the culture says that has no basis in the Word of God.
We can tell the heart of someone when they are proven their assertions are not in the Bible, when they rage over it. They are not being honest, honesty requires us to have proof of what we say, we accept that if we are reasonable human beings.
Narcissists will rage to make us think we did something wrong by believing what we do, they never have proof, only generalizations about our character. When someone begins to move away from the subject matter, placing the discussion now on our own character, we know they do not have the answer and will also not listen.
Our clue that we are dealing with an unreasonable person is their refusal to hear our side, while feeling justified using intimidation to shut us down.
We will go silent when we realize someone is attempting to start a fight, and they know this. What they do not know is that our silence does not mean they have won, it merely means they have no control over our emotions and that we have no need to "win", we are secure in our own skin and in Christ, so much so that we can leave them to the Lord while we move on to those who do act in rational and reasonable terms.
The raging individual who is driven to win in every discussion, is insecure and often wrong. When these types base their arguments on feelings they are wrong most of the time because feelings are often wrong. To the narcissist feelings are facts, they think if they "feel it", then it must be true.
Many superfiical and pretend Christians live on this level of their Christianity. Feeling special and right, even if they are not, is more important to them than truth. Truth does not matter to many "Christians" today, what ever makes them feel good is what they choose to believe.
2 Timothy 3:6-8 "…6 They are the kind who worm their way into households and captivate vulnerable women who are weighed down with sins and led astray by various passions, 7 always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth. 8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these men oppose the truth. They are depraved in mind and disqualified from the faith.…"
Remember "feelings are the shallowest part of our being", so says Adrian Rogers. He is right, those who live on the plane of feelings are wrong more than they are right.
We can tell the heart of someone when they are proven their assertions are not in the Bible, when they rage over it. They are not being honest, honesty requires us to have proof of what we say, we accept that if we are reasonable human beings.
Narcissists will rage to make us think we did something wrong by believing what we do, they never have proof, only generalizations about our character. When someone begins to move away from the subject matter, placing the discussion now on our own character, we know they do not have the answer and will also not listen.
Our clue that we are dealing with an unreasonable person is their refusal to hear our side, while feeling justified using intimidation to shut us down.
We will go silent when we realize someone is attempting to start a fight, and they know this. What they do not know is that our silence does not mean they have won, it merely means they have no control over our emotions and that we have no need to "win", we are secure in our own skin and in Christ, so much so that we can leave them to the Lord while we move on to those who do act in rational and reasonable terms.
The raging individual who is driven to win in every discussion, is insecure and often wrong. When these types base their arguments on feelings they are wrong most of the time because feelings are often wrong. To the narcissist feelings are facts, they think if they "feel it", then it must be true.
Many superfiical and pretend Christians live on this level of their Christianity. Feeling special and right, even if they are not, is more important to them than truth. Truth does not matter to many "Christians" today, what ever makes them feel good is what they choose to believe.
2 Timothy 3:6-8 "…6 They are the kind who worm their way into households and captivate vulnerable women who are weighed down with sins and led astray by various passions, 7 always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth. 8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these men oppose the truth. They are depraved in mind and disqualified from the faith.…"
Remember "feelings are the shallowest part of our being", so says Adrian Rogers. He is right, those who live on the plane of feelings are wrong more than they are right.
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