Walking with Christ will Cost us Friendships

I learned over the years the only way to be able to be bold is to not care if people like us.

 
Galatians 1:10
"For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ."

Acts 5:29
"But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men."
We can be loving and kind and bold, but many people we speak to will hate the boldness and not even see the loving-kindness. They will say we were mean and hateful because we were bold.

 
Ephesians 6:6
"not by way of eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart."

1 Thessalonians 2:4
"but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who examines our hearts.

Luke 16:15
"And He said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves in the sight of men, but God knows your hearts; for that which is highly esteemed among men is detestable in the sight of God."

When we live in a society now that considers it rude to correct or disagree we will be at odds often with those around us. It isn't that we are argumentative it's that the hearers interpret us as fighting because they are fighting. They see every disagreement or correction as a personal attack rather than a way of learning and growing spiritually and emotionally.

 
We encounter far more emotionally immature people now than in past generations.

 
Romans 12:2
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

We grow emotionally and Spiritually mature when we seek God on everything. He promised He would give wisdom liberally to those who ask. He will not bother giving wisdom to those He has already spoken to when they will not obey what He has already given.

 
James 1:5-6
"5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind."

Born-again believers have no excuse for not knowing what to do or how to think when they have the Holy Spirit, the very nature of Christ living in them. If we do not know how to be or what to do then we are not asking, that's on us.

If we continually worry about what people think or how they will react then we will not only not grow but we will regress to become like them. If you want wisdom and Spiritual maturity then you must give up desiring lots of friends. We will have a small handful and at times none at all, but wisdom from God is far more valuable than the friendship of the world. Hallalujah!

Narcissism vs Godliness

The difference between a narcissistic person and a godly person is that the narcissist does good things to gain credit from others. The approval of others is more important than anything else. Whereas the godly person who does good deeds enjoys doing what is right to please God, this person doesn't care if anyone else sees it or validates the good deeds.

Narcissists need the admiration of others in life, godly people do not need to be admired by others but love to please God. Their internal bent is toward Him rather than self.

Narcissists see correction or disagreement as personal attacks rather than someone attempting to help them understand something or instructing them with principles or actions to gain wisdom or improve a project. These narcissists will give lots of advice to others but will not receive it from others.

A wise godly person invites correction and instruction because they know every discussion can be a learning time for them. They also love sharing what God has already shown them that was effective and works well because it is from God.

Boasting is a big problem with narcissists, they can never let a good deed or accomplishment go without making sure others validate them for it.

I have noticed too that narcissists love to boast of their play activities even thinking they have great value. They must pretend their play is important to keep from sensing they are doing a useless thing.

1 Corinthians 13:11

"11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things."

We have all done childish things because we live in a culture that elevates childish behavior as a good thing. Many even say silly things like; "let them be a child."

God's wisdom tells us we are not raising children we are raising adults. In other words, our training as a parent for the child ought to be maturing them into young adults. Everything we do with children ought to be good lessons that inculcate maturity in them.

Children naturally play we don't have to teach them that and we let them do it freely at times, however, telling a parent to train their children to play more is keeping the child a child all his life. I have known many people in our children's generation who spend as much time playing as they do working.

Children can actually be taught to enjoy working as if it were play, then at the end of the day there is something to look back at that was an accomplishment. Learning to enjoy accomplishing something lasting is much more valuable.

Playing is like an addiction, the more someone indulges in it the more they want it. It also creates a dullness in the soul, a sort of intense boredom when one cannot play. Those who are predisposed to boredom are those who have been trained to play. They feel a sense of loss when they are not showing off in some sort of play experience.

Those who are godly may rarely play at a game or an activity but it is rare because they are busy doing what they love that has value.

There is little value in playing, the very reason when we become adults we set it aside to carry on with the real business of life.

We see the work ethic in our culture declining with each new generation as the play mentality increases. The more a culture plays the less they enjoy their work. It is difficult now to find good workers, just ask any employer what he deals with and it isn't pretty.

Promoting play is to promote laziness and disregard for others. We have many complaints about the way this country is going but rarely do we see the play mentality as a big part of it's downfall.

Proverbs 21:17

"He who loves pleasure will become a poor man;

He who loves wine and oil will not become rich."

2 Timothy 3:4

"treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,"

Notice in this last passage pleasure is associated with recklessness.

Titus 3:3

"For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another."

Notice in this passage that pleasures are enslavement, like an addiction, and associated with lust, hating, and malice. When we seek our own pleasure regularly we cannot be concerned or have empathy for others.

I have also noticed that those who play a lot almost never help anyone else. They are not seen by the bedside of an ill person to be a companion or to encourage them. These people do not serve others, they only use others as sounding boards for their boasting. When others have a need for love and empathy the narcissist will not be anywhere to be seen. They are bored when someone else has an infirmity or need for companionship.

As I once heard from someone else, I forget who, "narcissists love things and use people", rather than loving people and using things. This is true of their play too, they only show kindness toward those who engage with them in their pleasures. They cannot sit still long enough to hear another person's needs or just sit and be a companion to them.

James 5:5

"You have lived luxuriously on the earth and led a life of wanton pleasure; you have fattened your hearts in a day of slaughter."

Living for self and one's pleasure will one day have its comeuppance. Eventually, all that play will be impossible and the person who loved it will be a shell of a person without wisdom or true companions who could bless them with God's wisdom in their failing years. Because you see, people who play often will not be good companions when the difficulties of old age come upon their friends.

John 15:12-15

Disciples’ Relation to Each Other

12 “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.

13 Greater love has no one than this, that a person will lay down his life for his friends.

14 You are My friends if you do what I command you.

15 No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, because all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you."

Rarely does someone lose their physical life for another person. This passage shows us that laying down our life has to do with giving up our own happiness or time to be a help to our friends. We can all give up our lives for others while we are still alive. It is true that those who live selfless lives are the most joyful. Those who play have little joy in their hearts and are only happy when they are playing and boasting about it.