When someone is asking you to do something for them and they present only two options for you, watch out for a trick, choose the third option they didn't tell you about, that is "no, I will not do that."
Offer no explanations or apologies, simply say "no" and walk away.
We are not called to do what everyone else wants us to do. We can always pray and think things through to be sure about our choices.
I am astonished at how many people give into others simply because someone asked them even though they feel bad that they agreed.
When we agree to do something we are asked to do, it ought to be because God told us to, that will leave us at peace about the final answer to the request.
If someone rages because of our "no", they have given us a clue about their intent and need for control over us.
There will also be those who use our friendship as a way of pressuring us to do what they want. "If you are my friend you should....thus and such." This is not a friend we want to keep in our lives.
Friendships are based on mutual standards and ideals in life as well as give and take. Not because we are expected to repay. We give and take because we love one another. We never expect anything, however a real friendship will be reciprocal just because those who love each other love to be there for their friend.
Amos 3 "Can two walk together, except they are agreed?"
The answer according to God's Word is, no, two cannot be friends when they do not agree. Our basic response to life must be in agreement with those who are our friends. If you find yourself disagreeing often, even disputing over important matters too often, then it is time to exit the relationship.
This does not mean that friends never disagree. It just mean that we disagree respectfully without ill feelings, dismissiveness or angst.
Friends care deeply about one another, they have no desire to dominate or punish for disagreement.
Proverbs 18:24 "24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who stays closer than a brother."
Tuesday, July 31, 2018
The Ultimatum is Devious!
"An Ultimatum" definition: a demand to agree to do something with negative consequences if we do not agree!
When someone gives you an ultimatum, they are attempting to trap you into doing what they want before you have time to think about it. When someone does this it is wise to immediately decline their request.. There have only been a couple of times in my life that someone wanted an immediate answer to something, when this happens my automatic response is "no.'
Ultimatums are designed to catch you off guard, causing you to quickly do without thinking whatever they want. It is a favored tactic of those who wish to control you.
It is harder to get out of something we have agreed to do than it is to say no in the beginning.
No one should ever expect us to do things without thinking about what they want. When we act rashly because of an ultimatum, we are less likely to turn back and refuse to do it afterward. The pressure to keep our word is too strong to easily change our mind.
There is always the next tactic that is used when we agree to do something we were pressured to do, and that is to accuse us of reneging on our "promise" if we decide not to do that thing.
When we agree to something then change our mind after we realize we made a mistake, it is not received well. Agreeing to do something is seen by many people as a promise with no out.
When we agree to something after being pressured to make the commitment, we still have the option of changing our minds. If we took an oath or made a promise that is more binding.
Agreeing to do something is not a promise! Its always best not to make oaths or promises, but merely agreeing to do something is not a promise or an oath.
There have been a few times in my life when others would pressure me to do something for which I did not have all the information to make an informed decision. After thinking about what was asked of me, I had to go back and tell those who asked that I had time to think and pray about their request and did not have peace about agreeing.
It is always best to think and pray about a request for a time before answering to avoid the misunderstandings about promises and oaths. Any pressure to act immediately shows a lack of concern for us and perhaps a desire to exert control over us.
Relationships cannot be based on ultimatums!
James 5:12
"But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation."
When someone gives you an ultimatum, they are attempting to trap you into doing what they want before you have time to think about it. When someone does this it is wise to immediately decline their request.. There have only been a couple of times in my life that someone wanted an immediate answer to something, when this happens my automatic response is "no.'
Ultimatums are designed to catch you off guard, causing you to quickly do without thinking whatever they want. It is a favored tactic of those who wish to control you.
It is harder to get out of something we have agreed to do than it is to say no in the beginning.
No one should ever expect us to do things without thinking about what they want. When we act rashly because of an ultimatum, we are less likely to turn back and refuse to do it afterward. The pressure to keep our word is too strong to easily change our mind.
There is always the next tactic that is used when we agree to do something we were pressured to do, and that is to accuse us of reneging on our "promise" if we decide not to do that thing.
When we agree to something then change our mind after we realize we made a mistake, it is not received well. Agreeing to do something is seen by many people as a promise with no out.
When we agree to something after being pressured to make the commitment, we still have the option of changing our minds. If we took an oath or made a promise that is more binding.
Agreeing to do something is not a promise! Its always best not to make oaths or promises, but merely agreeing to do something is not a promise or an oath.
There have been a few times in my life when others would pressure me to do something for which I did not have all the information to make an informed decision. After thinking about what was asked of me, I had to go back and tell those who asked that I had time to think and pray about their request and did not have peace about agreeing.
It is always best to think and pray about a request for a time before answering to avoid the misunderstandings about promises and oaths. Any pressure to act immediately shows a lack of concern for us and perhaps a desire to exert control over us.
Relationships cannot be based on ultimatums!
James 5:12
"But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation."
Addicted to the Validation of Others
Most people are addicted to the validation of others. Fear of the loss of love and acceptance often causes those who know truth to become silent when they should speak.
There is constant intimidation by others to conform to their ways when those ways are not Biblical. Non-believes expect us to conform to society and believers expect us to conform to their version of Christianity that may not be Biblical.
When we are determined to be accepted by others we will lack the strength to think on our own, out side of the box that others have constructed for themselves based on cultural belief systems. Not only do the general populous stay in their box, they expect everyone else to stay in their box too.
When we say what everyone else is saying, do what everyone else is doing and change our views to fit with those who intimidate, we will lose ourselves and the principles of God.
Those who despise truth and love their traditions live in a world of bondage. Those who love Christ and can think outside the cultural box will be free, joyful and blessed by Christ.
Mark 7:12-13 "12 he is no longer permitted to do anything for his father or mother. 13 Thus you nullify the word of God by the tradition you have handed down. And you do so” in many such matters."
John 8:36-37 "36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. 37 I know you are Abraham’s descendants, but you are trying to kill Me because My word has no place within you."
Those who speak truth freely without reservation can expect many people to come against them, even attempting to shape how others see you by their gossip and lies.
When we see this happening do not fear them. The devil is using these people and he has no power over our soul or our Spirit.
Matthew 10:27-29 "…27 What I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the housetops. 28 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Instead, fear the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.…"
Christ is our advocate, our protector and our Truth! Let no cultural norms or pressure interfere with the path Christ has for you. He is the only One Who matters.
There is constant intimidation by others to conform to their ways when those ways are not Biblical. Non-believes expect us to conform to society and believers expect us to conform to their version of Christianity that may not be Biblical.
When we are determined to be accepted by others we will lack the strength to think on our own, out side of the box that others have constructed for themselves based on cultural belief systems. Not only do the general populous stay in their box, they expect everyone else to stay in their box too.
When we say what everyone else is saying, do what everyone else is doing and change our views to fit with those who intimidate, we will lose ourselves and the principles of God.
Those who despise truth and love their traditions live in a world of bondage. Those who love Christ and can think outside the cultural box will be free, joyful and blessed by Christ.
Mark 7:12-13 "12 he is no longer permitted to do anything for his father or mother. 13 Thus you nullify the word of God by the tradition you have handed down. And you do so” in many such matters."
John 8:36-37 "36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. 37 I know you are Abraham’s descendants, but you are trying to kill Me because My word has no place within you."
Those who speak truth freely without reservation can expect many people to come against them, even attempting to shape how others see you by their gossip and lies.
When we see this happening do not fear them. The devil is using these people and he has no power over our soul or our Spirit.
Matthew 10:27-29 "…27 What I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the housetops. 28 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Instead, fear the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.…"
Christ is our advocate, our protector and our Truth! Let no cultural norms or pressure interfere with the path Christ has for you. He is the only One Who matters.
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