Luke 17:4 "4 Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent, you must forgive him. "
As we can see in the passage in Luke 17, it is clearly stated that “when the person returns to say “I repent” then you must forgive him. The world says you ignore the “when he comes to you” and move straight to emotional and superficially “saying” you forgive. This form of fantasy does nothing, the words “I forgive you” fall to the ground without any other person except to elevate pridefully the person who says the words.
I do think this is not asking forgiveness for the same sin over and over again, that would demonstrate that the sorrow expressed was nothing more than manipulation. Those who are truly sorry for what they have done generally do not repeat the sin again. I am convinced that the sinner who is coming so often has an attitude problem about many things and must deal with them all.
The principle of having to come and confess the sin to God and someone else presupposes that we are so sorry we never want to do it again. If this passage meant that a person continues in their sin against us over and over again there was not true sorrow, only words to get out of trouble.
1 John 2:4 “Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him,”
Just as God calls liars those who say they love Him but do not care about obeying Him, so too is the person who continues the same sin over and over again without stopping the sin.
Proverbs 28:13
“He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper,
But he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion.”
Notice in the previous verse the mandate is to not only confess the sin but also forsake it.
All the scriptures pertaining to forgiveness have a condition, which is to forgive when the offender is repentant. There are no scriptures that say we are to forgive when there is no confession of sin.
Why would we withhold forgiveness from those who are unrepentant? Because this is a picture of what God does with us. He withholds forgiveness from those who are not sorry allowing them to go through the consequences of their sin. For believers, the Holy Spirit convicts the believer of their sin until they confess to be cleansed.
1 John 1:9 “9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
When God told us that we would not be forgiven if we do not forgive others as He has forgiven us, it does not mean that there are no conditions to the forgiveness. God only forgives us when we confess our sinfulness and then He forgives us. We see this in the passage previously.
No one will change their heart or their behavior when they do not regret what they have done. The heart becomes a little harder each time they resist confessing to be cleansed. God looks at the heart and whatever we do on the outside is the evidence of a heart condition.
Hebrews 3:13 “12 See to it, brothers, that none of you has a wicked heart of unbelief that turns away from the living God. 13 But exhort one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness."
The superficial forgiveness the world teaches does not help anyone to see their need for Christ nor does it help a believer to be cleansed to continue toward spiritual growth and holiness.
Relationships cannot be restored when someone is not sorry for harming another person. The purpose of confession and forgiveness is to reconcile relationships.
Matthew 5:24 “…23So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. "
God does not expect something different in human relationships than He expects between man and Him.
We are reconciled to God by believing on the Lord Jesus Christ as our payment for sin. To be saved we must confess our sinfulness and believe in Christ.
Romans 10:9
"that if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."
In order to be born again, you must confess sinfulness and believe that Christ paid the price for sin on your behalf. After one does this they will be baptized with the Holy Spirit and sealed by Him. This is a condition, without confession of sin and believing in Christ there is no salvation.
Requiring the first step to reconciliation and the second step of forgiveness destroys the power of sin. Both are necessary to wipe away the sin entirely so that both can go on to be better people.
Forgiving without requiring dialogue and confession of sin is selfish. It does only one thing and that thing is not very valuable, that is to “feel” better about yourself causing pride over saying there is forgiveness when there has not been the proper and godly expression of love through first the confession and then the forgiveness.
Confession and forgiveness are two sides of the same coin without the possibility of separation. They are a team when experienced will draw two people with a broken relationship to be mended. All ills are done away with because both parties did what God mandated in His Word. You see, God’s way works, man’s way merely sweeps the dirt under the rug pretending it isn’t there merely for good feelings.
When someone is not sorry preventing us from reconciling with forgiveness that is on them. If we have prayed and see our own fault in the problem then we must confess it and approach the person for reconciliation. It is possible that two people are at fault in a problem and both must search their hearts asking God to show them.
Psalm 139:24 “…23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the way everlasting.”
If there is an offense, we have spoken to the person and they will not admit it or even worse justify it, then that is the time to move on removing ourselves to give time for God to work.
Matthew 18:16-17…”16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, regard him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
How do we treat an enemy? Take it to the church, if they do not listen.”
Matthew 18:15 “ 15 If your brother sins against you, go and confront him privately. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over."
Matthew 5:43-45 "…43You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor’ and ‘Hate your enemy.’ 44But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."
We bless them when they do not treat us properly: "do not return evil for evil."
1 Peter 3:8-10 “8Finally, all of you, be like-minded and sympathetic, love as brothers, be tenderhearted and humble. 9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 10For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.…”
If the person we attempted to reconcile with does not respond then we have a command to walk away from them.
2 Timothy 3:1-5
3 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
You see, humans are sinful and easily influenced by Satan if they are not born again. Those who are born again can resist the devil through the power of the Holy Spirit in them but the unbeliever does not have this power, they are pawns in the devils hands.
The world of psychology is based on Darwinism in which mankind is likened to animals who act from stimuli. If someone is good to the animal the animal will bond to them. Animals have no guile as humans do. Everything an animal does is instinct and survival, they will be loyal to anyone who is good to them.
However, human beings are not like animals, they have evil hearts and will harm others just to feel powerful. God deals far differently with animals than He does with human beings.
It is possible, I have seen it many times for one human being to be good to another only to be treated with contempt out of jealousy from the person they served. This is irrational because it is influence from the devil on the minds of those who do not love God.
When we look only into God’s Word for His formulas for life and relationships we see beyond “feelings” and “circumstances” to the deeper purpose.
Isaiah 55:8-9
8 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.
9 “For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts.”
God's ways are so far above our ways it is foolish to think that we don’t need His Words, the Bible, and all the principles of life that are contained in it.
