Monday, June 18, 2018
Only Five Virgins Were Saved
Five of the ten virgins went out to meet the Lord, but they had no oil, they were not born again and they did not have the Holy Spirit, but thought they were saved.
The Scapegoat is Assigned all the Contempt
The scapegoated person in the family is the one who is assigned all the contempt of the family. If you were to tell the narcissist they were acting in mean ways, they would further mock and demean in an attempt to gain you back under their thumb. Denying what you have experienced is a favored tactic of the narcissistic family.
When mocking demeaning and isolating you from the pack doesn't work, then they employ another tactic, that is to use half truths in gossip as well as judging things wrongly about you while then passing them on as fact to others they wish to turn against you.
As a scapegoated child grows into an adult they have old tapes that play in their heads. Tapes that say, "you are stupid", "you don't know anything" and "no one really likes you."
Having lived in a narcissistic family as the scapegoat, I can tell you that it is my assertion that the devil is in control of the minds of these people. They are actually convinced that something is wrong with you, while they play their irrational games that come out of deep jealousy and contempt. When asked what they hate about you they refuse to answer and further mock to distract from the question.
The jealousy does not have to be over money, status or accomplishment, it can merely be that you enjoy your own life as it is. Narcissists are unhappy people clamoring continually to be special and better than others. It is a threat to them when someone is strong in their beliefs and cannot be controlled by others.
The narcissist must be in control of the emotions and actions of their scapegoated target in order to feel whole. They cannot feel whole without dominating others. But they don't attempt to dominate those they admire, based on their accomplishments or fame, only those they perceive as beneath them.
The scapegoat is often the one who is an empath, one who feels and cares deeply about others, this is a threat to the narcissist since their soul is inwardly selfish. They cannot tolerate anyone who is kind, kindness to the narcissist is for the purpose of self elevation, not actually for the person they are showing friendliness toward.
The confident one is a threat to the narcissist. Those who are confident, one who knows what they believe and tells the truth about it, cannot be tolerated by the narcissist. The entire world of the narcissist is based on pretension, phony kindness and good deeds designed to glorify self.
I have met abused women who told the truth about the abuse they experienced, who were rejected by the entire family for outing the narcissist, but the narcissist continued to be loved and fawned over as though they had done nothing wrong.
The narcissistic family system always defends the abuser and negates the victim. Our entire culture is operating this way often!
We see this in school when there is a bully who picks on a child all the time, finally the bullied child fights back and both children are taken to the principles office and punished as though both were at fault.
Sadly there are many people who believe if there is a fight, then both are at fault. I do not subscribe to this faulty thinking. I am an advocate of the principles sitting down and talking with the students to be able to come to the truth. After it is discerned that the bully started it all and the victim was just attempting to defend themselves, then the bully should be punished and the victim should be admonished to run away and tell on the bully instead of fight back. But no punishment should come to the victim that defended themselves.
We live in a culture that thinks if someone answers a narcissist back, it is the one who answers them back that is the bully. In other words if someone in the room is rude, the target of that rudeness tells them they are being rude, the entire room gets on the side of the rude person. After all, they should be allowed to be rude without any challenge about it.
Yes, often it is wise to ignore a rudeness to avoid fights, but telling the truth about a rude person should never be punished. We live in a rebellious world now, the evil is defended and the righteous are punished.
I remember an instance in which I was at a holiday family gathering, when I was rudely treated by a child and the entire room defended that child. Here is that story:
I walked into a dinning room that had not yet been set for the meal. There were eight empty chairs around the table. I sat in one of the chairs, the child of a relative walked up to me and declared, "that's my chair", I pointed to all the other chairs around the table and said, "there are a lot of empty chairs here, just pick one and sit in it." The adults in the room were angry with me for not giving up my chair to a bratty child. There was no special reason she had to have that chair, but she demanded it because I was sitting in it.
This is the sort of irrational mess we lived in all the time while with family members. The adults were as bratty as the children. My question at the end of it was, "why didn't one adult in the room chastise that child for being disrespectful." The answer came to me, they were all brats and were disrespectful themselves.
As children we were raised to give up our chair when an adult entered the room. To be in a room full of people who didn't understand this basic act of respect was astonishing to me.
When you are the scapegoat in the family, for whatever reason, in my case I was the "radical Christian", then everything you do is wrong, even when it is merely expressing truth and showing a child the need for manners and respect toward their elders.
I have many stories just like this, in which children were indulged to disrespect authority figures merely because the authority had a standard for politeness and love. This has been my world most of my life, narcissistic family members on both sides who didn't understand basic kindness, sadly some of these were Christians.
Those who love Christ do not act this way and are appalled when they see others acting this way. So you have a small clue as to why I have chosen to go no contact with most family members. The ones who are not particularly narcissistic do not defend righteousness, they stand back allowing the evil to have its way and feign plausible deniability, as though they were not a part of it.
Shame on those who are not narcissists and do not speak up for the down trodden.
Proverbs 2:7-9 "…7 He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk with integrity, 8 to guard the paths of justice and protect the way of His saints. 9 Then you will discern righteousness and justice and equity—every good path."
When mocking demeaning and isolating you from the pack doesn't work, then they employ another tactic, that is to use half truths in gossip as well as judging things wrongly about you while then passing them on as fact to others they wish to turn against you.
As a scapegoated child grows into an adult they have old tapes that play in their heads. Tapes that say, "you are stupid", "you don't know anything" and "no one really likes you."
Having lived in a narcissistic family as the scapegoat, I can tell you that it is my assertion that the devil is in control of the minds of these people. They are actually convinced that something is wrong with you, while they play their irrational games that come out of deep jealousy and contempt. When asked what they hate about you they refuse to answer and further mock to distract from the question.
The jealousy does not have to be over money, status or accomplishment, it can merely be that you enjoy your own life as it is. Narcissists are unhappy people clamoring continually to be special and better than others. It is a threat to them when someone is strong in their beliefs and cannot be controlled by others.
The narcissist must be in control of the emotions and actions of their scapegoated target in order to feel whole. They cannot feel whole without dominating others. But they don't attempt to dominate those they admire, based on their accomplishments or fame, only those they perceive as beneath them.
The scapegoat is often the one who is an empath, one who feels and cares deeply about others, this is a threat to the narcissist since their soul is inwardly selfish. They cannot tolerate anyone who is kind, kindness to the narcissist is for the purpose of self elevation, not actually for the person they are showing friendliness toward.
The confident one is a threat to the narcissist. Those who are confident, one who knows what they believe and tells the truth about it, cannot be tolerated by the narcissist. The entire world of the narcissist is based on pretension, phony kindness and good deeds designed to glorify self.
I have met abused women who told the truth about the abuse they experienced, who were rejected by the entire family for outing the narcissist, but the narcissist continued to be loved and fawned over as though they had done nothing wrong.
The narcissistic family system always defends the abuser and negates the victim. Our entire culture is operating this way often!
We see this in school when there is a bully who picks on a child all the time, finally the bullied child fights back and both children are taken to the principles office and punished as though both were at fault.
Sadly there are many people who believe if there is a fight, then both are at fault. I do not subscribe to this faulty thinking. I am an advocate of the principles sitting down and talking with the students to be able to come to the truth. After it is discerned that the bully started it all and the victim was just attempting to defend themselves, then the bully should be punished and the victim should be admonished to run away and tell on the bully instead of fight back. But no punishment should come to the victim that defended themselves.
We live in a culture that thinks if someone answers a narcissist back, it is the one who answers them back that is the bully. In other words if someone in the room is rude, the target of that rudeness tells them they are being rude, the entire room gets on the side of the rude person. After all, they should be allowed to be rude without any challenge about it.
Yes, often it is wise to ignore a rudeness to avoid fights, but telling the truth about a rude person should never be punished. We live in a rebellious world now, the evil is defended and the righteous are punished.
I remember an instance in which I was at a holiday family gathering, when I was rudely treated by a child and the entire room defended that child. Here is that story:
I walked into a dinning room that had not yet been set for the meal. There were eight empty chairs around the table. I sat in one of the chairs, the child of a relative walked up to me and declared, "that's my chair", I pointed to all the other chairs around the table and said, "there are a lot of empty chairs here, just pick one and sit in it." The adults in the room were angry with me for not giving up my chair to a bratty child. There was no special reason she had to have that chair, but she demanded it because I was sitting in it.
This is the sort of irrational mess we lived in all the time while with family members. The adults were as bratty as the children. My question at the end of it was, "why didn't one adult in the room chastise that child for being disrespectful." The answer came to me, they were all brats and were disrespectful themselves.
As children we were raised to give up our chair when an adult entered the room. To be in a room full of people who didn't understand this basic act of respect was astonishing to me.
When you are the scapegoat in the family, for whatever reason, in my case I was the "radical Christian", then everything you do is wrong, even when it is merely expressing truth and showing a child the need for manners and respect toward their elders.
I have many stories just like this, in which children were indulged to disrespect authority figures merely because the authority had a standard for politeness and love. This has been my world most of my life, narcissistic family members on both sides who didn't understand basic kindness, sadly some of these were Christians.
Those who love Christ do not act this way and are appalled when they see others acting this way. So you have a small clue as to why I have chosen to go no contact with most family members. The ones who are not particularly narcissistic do not defend righteousness, they stand back allowing the evil to have its way and feign plausible deniability, as though they were not a part of it.
Shame on those who are not narcissists and do not speak up for the down trodden.
Proverbs 2:7-9 "…7 He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk with integrity, 8 to guard the paths of justice and protect the way of His saints. 9 Then you will discern righteousness and justice and equity—every good path."
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